My English boyfriend had sex with Perez Hilton

I’m kidding.

Whoever said that everyone is separated by six degrees should fucking win an award. It’s nice to see that somewhere halfway across the world, there are people who are talking (and having sex) behind my back. Alexander Johnson&Johnson and YOU, YES, YOU, Mario Armando Lavandeira JUNIOR… I FUCKING HATE THE TWO OF YOU FOR INSEMINATING EACH OTHER LAST NIGHT AT THE MCQUEEN PARTY AT BOOMBOX IN LONDRES.  *sigh*

SOMEONE JUST BLOODY SEND ME TO LONDON NOW. RIGHT THIS SECOND! I WANT PRIME UNCUT BRITISH COCK. I DON’T WANT TO BE IN THE THIRD WORLD ANYMORE!

*weep*

You know I love both of your fat hairy asses.

P.S. Don’t be silly. Of course they didn’t have sex. Kelly Osbourne got her hemorrhoids flaring and she kept on grabbing Perez away from Alex. Hello Kelly!