KangarooAustralian Government, anyone?

I know there’s a shitload of people around the world who read my website including people from the land of the kangaroos, uncircumcised surfer boys with funny accents and Ksubi so maybe they can answer my question. Depending on my projects and if I have time… AND money lol… I’m seriously thinking of going to Sydney on holiday for a week and Melbourne too for another week to visit one of my buddies over the next few months when it’s cold there.

Does anyone know whether or not it’s easy to get an Australian tourist visa? Do I need to compile a shitload of paperwork, wait for months to get an appointment, overdose myself on hardcore tranquilizers, queue for HOURRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSS, deal with bollocking bitchy Filipino pleb receptionists before getting interviewed by an ageing consul who will ask silly things like "what are you planning to do in our country" despite the fact that you’ve written "VACATION & TOURISM PURPOSES – I AM GONNA FUCKING PUMP MONEY IN YOUR GOD DAMN ECONOMY AND TRY TO CONTRACT AN STD, ASSHOLES!" on the visa application form.

I went to the Australian embassy website and there’s far too much information my mere 2 brain cells can handle. I just fucking give up. I know many of you out there don’t need a visa to go to Australia because y’all have first world passports but in my case (this is in addition to looking like a brown ricer whore), I’m one of the 84 million unfortunate third world souls in this fabulous country whose booger-coloured passport comes with a warning label that says "WARNING: POTENTIAL BOAT PERSON ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT".

Please tell me they’re easy to deal with and they’re like EU/Schengen embassies where everything is a breeze.

I find it funny that I’m asking this question here considering the buddy I’m planning to visit in Melbourne did an internship for the OZ government and got assigned here for a year but bitch doesn’t know anyone in the consular department. LOL.

Email or post a comment if you have something to say. Bryanboy@gmail.com.

P.S. On a totally unrelated subject, IS IT TRUE THAT GETTING A COMMUNITY TAX CERTIFICATE (I’m starting another business/venture blah blah blah) COSTS P5,000 IN MAKATI????