2007 Academy Awards: Worst-Dressed

Kirsten Dunst, Jennifer Hudson, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Biel, Zhang Ziyi.

Crazy I tell you, crazy!

1. Kirsten Dunst

I have no words. I really don’t. Kirsten Dunst looks like CASPER THE FRIENDLY GHOST GONE DRAG! Pasty white skin, nasty lipstick, the mismatching jewelry, the gold clutch, all those beadwork and feathers, my god, how old are you? 125? FIRE YOUR STYLIST! Girlfriend you need an intervention. PRONTO!

2. Jennifer Hudson

I said it before and I’ll say it again. You fucking look like a baked potato with a tin foil! I love Andre Leon Talley with all my heart so I guess that python bolero jacket was his (and Wintour & Co.) way of concealing the fact that you’re festively obese.. but damn you look soo terrible. Your dress is just awful! Congratulations for winning the gold though — may your head get bigger than what it is now. As far as I’m concerned, you’re still a worthless undeserving bitch who looks like a fucking potato. Just disappear god dammit! Vanish from the face of the planet. The world has seen enough of you already.

Silver tin foil, shiteous turd dress = BAKED POTATO!!!!

3. Anne Hathaway

Andy you totally don’t look chic. Someone has been watching Rachel Ashwell’s Shabby Chic. God. Your dress looks as if it came from the Shabby Chic tablecloth and pillowcase collection. What’s up with the bow on the front? French maid costume leftovers. Very creative. And vile. VILE VILE VILE! Classic case of when bad things happen to good people. You have beautiful eyes and a billion dollar smile but your dress ruined it all. Better luck next time sweetie.

4. Jessica Biel

You’ve gone a long, long way from Seventh Heaven my dear and I don’t think the good lord almighty will ever forgive you for being a casualty on the red carpet. Let me guess — you went knocking on Oscar de la Renta’s door, Vogue Magazine and Sex and the City DVD in tow, wanting that lovely fuschia coloured dress with the patent leather bow Aleksandr Petrovsky gave to Carrie. Am I right? This is what you get for being soo unoriginal bitch. Karma definitely has its own ways in getting back atcha. FFS, Your dress is sooo ill-fitting! LOOK AT YOUR BOOBS! They’re everywhere!!!

Two thumbs up for the hair though. I personally like it. It’s refreshing and a very bold move on her part.

5. Zhang Ziyi

Poor Zhang Ziyi. I don’t even know what the hell is she doing at the Oscars. Why is she an Academy Award fixture anyway? What does she do? Is she trying to be Bai Ling? TOEFL lessons, anyone?

I can’t decide whether she looks like a christmas tree or a 5-tier birthday cake with an Asian whore coming out on top of it. The lacy bits are fit for a prostitute named CHO CHO SAN. Bad, bad, bad colour choice. The Asian community must be soooo proud of ya, girlfriend! Brings a whoooole new meaning to the phrase "yellow people".

TOEFL Test: use the word "window" in a sentence.
Zhang Ziyi: WIN-DOW I GET MY IMMIGRATION PAPERS?