The Cool Times and Crazy Life of Paris Hilton… Exposed!

(SAFE FOR KIDS BUT NOT SAFE FOR WORK)

[NOTE: IF YOU CAN'T VIEW THESE PICTURES, PLEASE COME BACK SHORTLY OR CHECK LATER BECAUSE I'M HAVING SERVER TROUBLES BECAUSE OF THE LOVELY LARGE TRAFFIC SURGE. I SUGGEST THAT YOU MASTURBATE FIRST LOOKING AT www.myspace.com/bryanboy THEN COME BACK IN A BIT. I LOVE YOU ALL!]

Now *THIS* is what I call the fantastic life. Sex, drugs, rock and roll, fake IDs and of course, Amanda Lepore! I’m sure many of you had already seen these photos from ParisExposed but I’ll post them on my site anyway for posterity’s sake. It’s amazing how life is soo good for the beautiful ones whereas in my hey day, there was so much drama with drugs — who’s mooching, who’s sharing, who’s not sharing…

who’s splitting the coke bill in half with the drug dealer because they snort like a hoover but can’t pay for a full gram, the endless "let’s do it by ourselves so no one will ask us", "let’s pretend we don’t have any because we don’t want to be coke central tonight", the ubiquitous "don’t be sooo generous" statement but they’re the ones who are first to ask, the snickerin’ and the bickerin’ that goes on behind people’s backs when they don’t have anything to say other than "do you have" throughout the entire night and my favourite of all, the unforgettable trips to drug dealer’s condos — I WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER FORGET THE TIME WHEN AN ACQUAINTANCE AND MOI WERE ON THE PARKING LOT FOR 10 LONG YEARS, WAITING FOR MISS KISS CAUSE SHE WAS BUSY FIXING HER HAIR. I WANTED TO LEAVE BECAUSE I NEEDED TO TAKE A POOP REALLY BAD SO WE ENDED UP STUFFING OUR CASH INSIDE THIS LITTLE POTTED PLANT/CACTUS AND LEFT IT WITH THE DOORMAN! I WAS 15 AT THAT TIME!!!

Ahhhh the memories. How many people can say that? It’s just hilarious thinking about it now… and all those times I got K-holed. I’m not saying all I had are tales of partying with penny-pinchers because more often than not, people had their own shit with them and in most cases, there was LOTS of coke, ecstasy and ketamine for everybody. But I’m not gonna sit here and tell stories about partying till 2PM the following day because those are utterly dull and boring. Drama makes the world go round and at the end of the day, it’s the quirky and the kooky that people want to read about and yes, potted plants and all.

In any case, I’m so glad my Miss Colombia stint is over. I’m Miss Venezuela now. Can you imagine? I’ve been sober for god knows how long and I intend to keep it that way. It’s all good nonetheless – you certainly won’t learn all this shit at charm and beauty school. Only in real life.

Drugs are bad… mmmmmmkayyyyyyyy?

Let’s play pictionary, shall we?

Lifestyles of the young, the bold and the beautiful.

OH MY GOD LOOK AT HIS BALLS!!!!!

I can’t, for the life of god, imagine Mischa Barton’s face on this guy’s crotch.

(click the thumbnail pic for the larger version)

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Awww, how sweet.

WTF is this? Heroin paraphernalia?

I FUCKING LOVE AMANDA LEPORE!!!!

CLICK THE THUMBNAIL PICS FOR THE FULL-SIZED VERSION!!! MY WEBHOST PROVIDER NAGGED AT ME FOR POSTING "NUDITY". I HAD TO HOST IT SOMEWHERE ELSE. WHATEVS.

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Munchies!!!

Do y’all think the fabulous Nicole Richie got stretch marks from all that fat she lost?

Fake IDs

Paris is sooo fucking gorgeous!

There’s a video of Paris saying "Don’t eat it! Snort it!". I think it’s powdered sugar though.

Yeah right. Whatevs. LOL.

I want Paris to be my fag hag!

Those sunglasses are Gucci. I have em.

Amazing, the sort of friends Paris got. My god, look at all that coke! I’d sell my ass to satan (or a fat guy) just to get that shit up my nostrils.

Do y’all loves it? That’s hot!

That’s hot indeed.