Do you want chic? I’ll give you chic.

I’m sick of superficial shit. Seriously. There used to be a time in my life where I got soo obsessed with fashion I got all the names of the designers, models, photographers, editors etc (AND ALL OF THEIR WEIGHT/HEIGHT/memorized, I used to buy magazines by the ton, spend 18 hours a day looking at Style.com, troll away at various forums and all that bullshit. And then I had a wakeup call. What is the point of it all? It’s only fashion. Why should I be obsessed and delude myself into thinking I belong to the great ol’ fashion circus? And with all the hoola balloo crap going on at the moment where people are wearing black and playing it safe, my gawd, can it be any more dull?

You want black? I’ll give you black. You want dull? I’ll give you dull. You want understated, I’ll give you understated. You want to abolish logos? I’ll abolish logos (it’s amazing how I manage to turn myself from the biggest logoagagogo manic whore to the lookmumnologosbitchcuntasshole that I am now… it’s hard but I managed. my next goal? I want to weigh 50 pounds, by hook or by crook). You want chic? I’ll fucking give you chic.

One thing is for certain — I’M THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD WHO CAN MAKE A DOG TAKING A SHIT LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

And I fucking mean it.

Cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching!

Oh and don’t ask me what I did with the poop. Let the powers that be clean it. That’s why we fucking pay taxes. Last time I checked, shit is biodegradable and they turn it into compost/fertilizer. Frankly, the environment could do with a lot of shit.

I took my beagle, Titikaka, out for a spin yesterday afternoon cause I was soooo bored out of my skull. One of my friends had lots of errands to run and she didn’t mind me tagging along so I thought, why not take the dog out? It’s always nice to have a little bit of exercise here and there. Afterall, both the dog and moi need to lose weight really bad. And we both ran out of laxatives.

Look at my facial expression on this one. LOL.

Insular.

Life.

HAHAHA.

Do you like my pole? Titikaka likes it. Bestiality for the mother fucking win!

We all know I douche with Evian before engaging myself in anal sex. I really don’t like the idea of getting my shit on somebody else’s dick when they pull their cummy cock out of my shithole. What do I do if there’s no Evian at my disposal? Tap water. Ta-da!

I hate my legs! I really hate being clinically obese. *sigh*

Faggotry in motion. God I look so chic. Don’t you agree?

Look at all the commoners behind me! They all look festively plump. I SEE HIPS! I SEE THIGHS! I SEE BUTTOCKS! I SEE CELLULITE! Soo hot and sexy. Good thing all I ate for Christmas is a tablespoon of raisins. Look who’s laughing now, bitches.

I see the light at the end of the doggie tunnel!!!!!

Remember kids, try my new diet. I highly recommend it. Buy half a kilo of crystal meth from the supermarket, mix it with 1 cup of water, put it in a sauce pan and boil it. When the whole thing goes into smoke, inhale, inhale, inhale. Good luck if you’re still alive (and fat) after you do it. If that falls, try my 1 tablespoon of raisins + 1 diet coke = lunch/dinner diet. It’s super duper effective.

As always, I love you all. Email me and tell me you love me. My email address is bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS +63.915.785.1492.