2468 Diet: We want this NOW!
Que horror! Tonight, my friends, I realized I’ve hit rock-bottom… a record
[BTW, BEFORE WE CONTINUE ANY FURTHER I’VE BEEN RECEIVING REPORTS THAT MY PAGE IS FUCKED UP/OUT OF ALIGNMENT WHATEVER. IS IT TRUE??? GIVE ME A SHOUT OUT IF YOU’RE HAVING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, MMMKAY????]
Guess who I spoke to earlier this evening via Ouija Board?
It’s no other than Ana Carolina Reston!!!
I have never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever infinity EVER weighed so much in my entire life!
I’m sure you’ve noticed that I haven’t really photographed myself wearing a t-shirt or tank top lately because of all the disgusting flesh I have on my body. I’m such a heavyweight champ! With the body that I have at the moment, I should just quit blogging altogether and move to Japan to start a career in Sumo wrestling! I’m a fat, disgusting pig!
I’ve heard every single fat person joke out there. People have called me a fat cow. British guys told me I could fly with my bingo wings.
Heck, I even have this bunch of American faggots on a forum ask each other how a fag like me have “bitch tits”.
I know, I know, here I am wasting away and complaining how “fat” I am… well, whatevs. Let’s not even go there.
It really is my fault. All I do is eat, eat, eat. I ate so much the past year – I ate anything AND everything edible. I also indulged (frequently, if I may add) on fast food. Back when I was really really thin, I NEVER EVEN DRANK SOFT DRINK LET ALONE EAT FAST FOOD.
So I thought, shit… I really need to clean up my act and get my shit together.
This time for real.
A friend from Stockholm told me about this newfound diet not too long ago and I’m going to be on it starting tomorrow. I’ve tried soo many diets in my time and they all failed me. Remember my watermelon diet? Anyway, I thought I’d share this with you – it would be interesting if you do it with me. You know, birds of the same feather flock together.
My new diet is called “2468”. I’ve spent the past two weeks researching about it and it seems effective. Based on the feedback I got, you really lose a lot of weight – FAST!
According to my research, it originally came from LiveJournal’s 9000+ member-strong Pro-Anorexia support group. "2468" involves severe calorie restriction so it’s quite rigorous and you really need a lot of discipline. It has been reported that you can lose as much as 5 pounds in 1 week alone. Some say you can lose 10 pounds in 1 month if you follow it religiously. I don’t care. The most important thing is that I lose fat.
It’s a known fact that our bodies lose “water weight” at the start of a diet/fast and some people say that we gain it all back after a while because our metabolism slows down. However, with the 2468 diet, you’re actually ‘tricking’ your metabolism to keep on guessing – a good way to keep unwanted weight away.
What’s the 2468 diet then? Well… it’s quite simple.
Day #1 – Eat a maximum of 200 calories
Day #2 – Eat a maximum of 400 calories
Day #3 – Eat a maximum of 600 calories
Day #4 – Eat a maximum of 800 calories
and keep repeating the cycle until you reach your goal weight.
The challenge lies in finding what sort of food can fit within the calorie limits.
This is where my new BFF comes into place. There’s this website called “Calorie Count” and you may find it at www.calorie-count.com. That site has the most comprehensive online listing of foods… and the calories associated with them.
I guess I have to REALLY look at that dreaded "nutrition facts" label on every single thing I consume from now on.
I know it’s a little hardcore but when you think about it, I lead a pretty sedentary lifestyle. I have almost zero exercise and all I do day-in/day-out is sit in front of my computer.
I’ll prolly allow myself 1 “binge” day a week but keep it to a maximum of 1,000 or 1,500 calories MAX. We’ll see. The most important goal really is for me to radically change my nutritional habits COMPLETELY and get away from my late night snacking and my soft drink and fast food obsession.
It’s gonna be a lifestyle change, I’m telling you!
When you think about it, the main reason why I snack too often is my lack of a real, real “schedule” and my fucked up body clock. I sleep when I’m tired – sometimes I’d sleep for 4 hours… sometimes I’d sleep for 12 hours. It’s terrible!
In any case, I’ll give this new a diet a shot… at least for the next couple of weeks.
The problem lies with the fact that I have short attention span so this is where I’ll need your help.
I’m looking for someone (or a group of people) who are willing to commit to this little “project”. You know, like a little support group. We’ll virtually hold each other’s hands as we embark on this battle against fat and excess weight. We’ll do the 2468 diet together and provide each other non-judgmental support when we need them.
The best part is, we can make fun of fat people too.
Either way, the decision is yours.
You need to choose to get ahead.
And don’t be ridiculous Andrea, everybody wants this. Everybody wants to be us.
If you are SERIOUSLY interested *AND* willing to join my little diet club starting tomorrow, just shoot me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. I’ll give you my private MSN where we can chat from time to time.
My friend from Stockholm will do this with me but it’s always fun to have more people join the bandwagon. The more the merrier!
Wallis Simpson said it best bitches: you can never be too rich or too thin.
Being poor is terrible.
Being fat is bad.
Being poor AND fat is the worst. You might as well just stab yourself in the chest with a kitchen knife because really you have no use in this planet.
LET IT BE KNOWN TO THE WORLD THAT….
Y’all know I’m an equal opportunity lover and I love people regardless of their body size, weight or cock girth. But when it comes to me — as in my OWN body — I want to be as thin as a matchstick!
On that note, here’s my diet plan for tomorrow, Monday, January 15, 2007. It’s 10:26PM on a Sunday night. I think I’ll go to sleep early today, like, no later than 1 or 2AM.
IF I CAN DO IT THEN SO CAN YOU!!!!
Here’s what that Nido Oriental Style soup thing looks like. You can get your maid to cook it for you — all they have to do is pour all that powdered shit in boiling water, add 1 egg, wait for a few minutes and voila… soup!
Let’s rewind the clocks and take a stroll down memory lane.
John Galliano would have been so proud of all the bones sticking out on my chest. Tell me you love it.
I’m soo digging the gaunt look on my face. Look at the chest oh yes the chest. GORGEOUS! Who’s got the bitch tits now betch?
Thin is very beautiful.
Cheekbones for the mother fucking win!!!
Ooooh la la! The waist and the jawline…
Remember May of last year?
REPEAT AFTER ME: THINSPIRATION!
Because thin is VERY beautiful!!!!
Last but not the least, a few reverse triggers for you guys, just for visual pleasure.
Email me and tell me you love me. My email address is email@example.com. SMS +63.915.785.1492.
I love you all! I really do! I’m only concerned about your welfare and well-being so I think we should all join our hands together VOLTES-V on this big worldwide battle against obesity.