2007 Golden Globes

Ugly Betty: "Bryanboy, my god, you look so thin!"

Bryanboy: "Really? Thanks. It’s for Paris. I’m on this new diet and it’s very effective. I don’t eat anything and when I feel I’m about to faint, I eat a raisin and smoke crystal meth. I’m one stomach flu away from my goal weight."

Jennifer Love Hewitt

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I WOULD LIKE TO PRESENT YOU… MISS JONBENET RAMSEY!!!!! How tragic. I don’t know what went inside her head. The fabric of her dress, my god… what a DISASTER.

America Ferrera

I don’t like you… and I don’t fucking care that the entire US of A fell in love with you. You’re a copycat. You know, when I was young, I RELIGIOUSLY WATCHED "YO SOY BETTY LA FEA". RELIGIOUSLY. As in EVERY DAY. That Colombian soap opera was my childhood right there. Fast forward a few years later, your fence-climbing immigrant fat ass is TAKING ALL THE CREDIT with your silly stupid big speech? Bitch please. At least the REAL Betta La Fea (Ana Maria Orozco aka Beatriz Solano) was thin. You’re not. NEXT!

America Ferrera and Salma Hayek

I see lots of excess flesh, boob spillage and tits to tits action. Gaaaaaawd. Compose yourselves, girls. Especially you Salma. FIRE YOUR STYLIST. Your hair is horrid and your dress is disastrous. I have one tip for both of you: BREAST REDUCTION.

Vanessa Williams

Chanelling Diana Ross? Congratulations for winning the Trannie of the Year Award. I love the fur. The contacts look gross, especially with that lazy eye. I guess the million dollar question is… how many poodles died for your hair extensions?

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

I don’t like your hair. How old are you anyway? 50? I think you’d look soo much better with shorter hair. I mean for god’s sake, if you look closely at your pic,you’ll see that your wig is about to fall off. Don’t even mention the dress – just put it in a black garbage bag and throw it away.

Beyonce Knowles

I have no words. NO WORDS! How vulgar and distasteful. YOU’RE NOT IN VEGAS ANYMORE, SWEETIE!!! Proof that all the money in the world can’t buy a stripper some style. I love the face and the hair though.

Maria Menounous

Not many people can pull off that look so give yourself a pat on the back. The dress ain’t that bad. I love the waist, I love the smile and best of all, you looked sensational on TV.

Angelina Jolie

Her dress is a little dull and boring (HELLO SAFE) but you know what, she’s stunning. It’s amazing how she manages to be THAT beautiful, considering she’s got a little United Colors of Benetton ad campaign in her home.

Sienna Miller

I take back what I said earlier. Well… your face did look a little oily on TV. But now that I’ve seen photos, I suppose you can blame your drugstore counter fake tan. I love your hair though. Anyway, you have this certain allure. I can’t decide whether you’re a hit or a miss. I don’t know what it is but it works!

Email me and tell me you love me! My email address is bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS +63.915.785.1492.

I love you all!