2007 Bloggies: Team Bryanboy!
I NEVER THOUGHT I’D SAY THIS BUT TAKE BACK EVERYTHIGN I SAID ABOUT THOSE DISGUSTING "AZN PRIDE" ASIAN AMERICANS, FILTH FOBS, THAI LADYBOYS, GI BABIES AND FILIPINO WHORES!!!! I NEED YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!!
OH AND HOLA CHICA CHING CHONG CHINA MAN!!!!! I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO CALL ALL THE RESIDENTS OF CHINATOWN ON EVERY CORNER OF PLANET EARTH! I KNOW THERE’S BILLIONS OF YOU OUT THERE!!!! CANAL STREET! BINONDO! GERRARD STREET! LET’S ALL UNITE AS ASIANS AND HELP ME KEEP THE FAGGOTRY ALIVE!!!!
The nominations poured in and the panelists have chosen the lucky finalists. I’m vying for a super super super duper super infinity super award on this year’s Bloggies, Best Asian Weblog award to be precise. This is different from last year’s Gay Bloggies because the 7th Annual Weblog Awards/Bloggies is the "Oscars" of the blogging world!!!!!
(And to think, I totally missed out on the nominations process and I forgot to tell y’all to nominate me. I guess there are LOTS of people out there who nominated me without me telling them. I feel special!)
Let’s take a look at my competition:
1. Tokyo Girl Down Under is not even Asian. Bitch came from England, temporarily moved to Japan and now the she’s down under. No offense to my Ksubi-wearing fans but we all know Australia ain’t really Asia, right? Let’s not fool ourselves. Kangaroo bitches don’t even like boat people like me — hello Pauline Hanson, are you listening?
2. PingMag is a Tokyo-based magazine. Ok, fine, their website is very well-designed but I bet you a million dollars there aren’t any Harajuku girls in Vivienne Westwood and Galliano gowns singing na na na na na na na na behind that fabulous exterior.
3. One Man Bandwidth – An American Professor teaching in bumfuck, China. Enough said. His blog is soo dull your average joe would probably think his website is NARCOLEPSY CENTRAL. Anyone got blow? Crystal meth? I need uppers betch, uppers!
4. Popagandhi – OKFINEWHATEVER. At first, I thought the person behind this blog is another expat who went to South Asia searching for "spirituality & enlightenment" but I was wrong. She’s Asian alright but she’s from Planet Lesbianapolis… we all know bull dykes aren’t really from Planet Earth let alone humans. Anyway, lesbians can be a little icky sometimes so don’t vote for her. You’ll get breast cancer if you do. Too much tittie fondling is bad for your health. Oh and India isn’t really Asia. India’s like near Pakistan and Pakistan is near Afghanistan and Afghanistan is a little close to Iraq and Iraq is really Middle East so there. Don’t believe the books (maps, atlas, etc.) They’re all full of shit. Whoever made the world map must be on opium or some hallucinogenic drug back in the dark ages. If there’s someone to believe, that would be CNN. Be the first you know. HAHAHAA
and then y’all have…………………………………….
Planet Earth’s Favourite Third World Fag!
Listen asswipe, in a span of two and a half years, you’ve seen me get gangbanged by several Russian navy cadets in St. Petersburg, be on the verge on death by overdosing on drugs, got myself a brain MRI session and hiv test (negatibo arriba arriba!), acquired a Birkin bag, gained weight, get myself on the newspapers in the third world, ride a camel, have unprotected sex with a Russian construction worker in Moscow, gained weight, got invited to the super exclusive Louis Vuitton Champs-Elysees store opening, fall in love with a guy who lives too bloody far, have sex with a French guy in a Paris alleyway on Christmas eve, made my first public drag appearance on my birthday by dressing up ala Donatella Versace, used by Fendi as inspiration for their Spring/Summer & Fall/Winter 2006 ad campaigns, got one of the world’s top models do my infamous handbag pose (Hello Iekeliene), got labelled the "anti-christ", gained weight, embraced by inner blonde, dressed up like a granny complete with wheelchair, got invited to a dinner by the oh so fabulous Former First Lady Imelda Marcos, got my website hacked… the list goes on.
What more should you ask for?
No other whore in the third world can do it like me!
Search for asian porn and you’ll find me.
Search for interracial asian gangbang on google and you’ll find me.
Look at my bony arm on the right photo. I weighed 80 pounds back in the dark ages. *sigh*
Err ok what does it have to do with bloggies? LOL
Search for "why do asian boys have tiny 6 and a half inch penises?" and you’ll find me.
Search for asian bukkake facials and you’ll find me.
Search for asian ladyboy and you’ll find me.
Search for tight asian pussy being pounded by two white dicks plus a big black baseball bat and you’ll find me.
Search for sucky sucky 5 dolla, me love you long time 10 dolla, you pay 20 dolla I gib free roast duck and you’ll find me.
and there you have it.
You cannot get any more Asian than me.
A real Asian blogger living in the heartlands of Asia.
My fellow bitches can send a baseball flying faster than the speed of sound with one flick of their clitoris.
Do I still need to explain myself further just to get your vote?
Keep an eye out on my blog over the next few days.
You’ll be shocked on what I’ll do.
(if ever I have the balls to do it.)
I know what you’re thinking…
I’ll feed the poor!
On that profound note, go right ahead and vote for me, Bryanboy: Le Supestar Fabuleux, as this year’s Best Asian Weblog on www.bloggies.com!
AND PLEASE TELL EVERYONE THAT YOU KNOW!!!
You won’t regret it.
Questions? Email firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63.915.785.1492.
I love you all! Vote for me! Go Team Bryanboy!
P.S. BE SURE TO CLICK ON THE VERIFICATION LINK THAT WILL ARRIVE ON YOUR EMAIL INBOX AFTER YOU HAVE VOTED TO VALIDATE YOUR VOTE!!!!!!!!