Gawd. I can’t believe I spent 5 hours on this shit. I was dead bored earlier and all I did was troll around one of my favourite forums online and rate my minions’ pictures! Dozens upon dozens upon dozens of them. I completely lost track of time. It’s fucking 9:02AM and I’ve been up all night! I’ll do this post and I’ll go straight to bed.
The rule of the game is simple. All they (my minions around the world) had to do was submit their photos on some discussion thread and I’ll rate them to what I think is best. On a scale of 1 to 10:
1 (lowest) = they need to go to beauty and charm school
10 (highest) = nutz in da ass baby; i’d let them sperminate me.
The formula I use for scoring is highly confidential. I’m gonna have to kill you if I share it to you.
It’s all for fun and I’m glad everyone is a good sport — boys, if you are reading this, you know I love you all and I’m glad y’all love our little game. Hahaha! Remember what I said? I’m an EQUAL OPPORTUNITY LOVER. No matter how I rated you, you still can join my gangbang. I know hundreds of you submitted pictures for more abuse but y’all gotta wait cause I have to take a nap. I promise I’ll do EVERY PHOTO Y’ALL SUBMITTED.
Can I just say one thing? You don’t know how much I wanna get my scanner working and scan people’s pictures out of the local, third-world magazines and do something like this but heck, I don’t want to get murdered here. Hahaha! I’m telling y’all — NOBODY IN THE FUCKING THIRD WORLD HAS A TWISTED SENSE OF HUMOR AND EVERYONE TAKES EVERYTHING SERIOUSLY.
Maybe one day I’ll do it when I move somewhere remote, like Timbuktu or whatever.
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 8
You seem to be nice. You’re fit but you don’t look like the type who would beat anyone up. If anything, I think you’re fun to go with at clubs and you could be my bodyguard or something.
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 6
What’s up with the shirt? It screams OFFICE WORKER to me! I would’ve rated you a fucking 3 but you did a VERY good job cropping out that pale fat bitch beside you on that photo.
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 0
I don’t do girls, lesbians or bull dykes, sorry.
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 100 (A+++++)
Loves goes a long wayyyyy baby!
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 9.5
Everything about this picture screams "HATE CRIME!!!!!!"
But you’re still not gay enough to be able to fist fuck my ass.
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 1.5
This picture may scream "HATE CRIME!!!" but you know what those eurotrash guys are like. I suggest that you go to friggin beauty and charm school. I’m soooooooo disappointed, muted. I’ve always fantasized what you look like because i loove danish guys. here i was thinking your name is rasmus, you’re like 6’4 tall, have blonde hair and the most fabulous scandi blue eyes ever and fit as a jock.
Oh well. shitake happens.
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 8.75
fag hag who spent 3 hours at the salon to get fabulous hair and to be used as guy magnet: check
YOU staring at photographer’s crotch: check
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 4
nice try… but no. i hate webcam shots! ugh! my anal hemorrhoids flare up everytime i see webcam shots.
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 9.89
i love this photo. it’s sooo artsy fartsy. men in skinny jeans are lovely too. are you swedish? prolly not. ditch the beard and we *might* make babies.
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 3
if you put on a hula grass skirt and some flowers in your head as you dance into hakuna matata then i might give you a 10.
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 9.5
no, he’s not biggi03 or vlad radmonavich or slobodan milosevic. HE’S DANIEL V. FROM PROJECT RUNWAY!!!!!!
on crack, of course.
i’d do him. there’s something ‘terrorist chic’ about his look.
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 4.7
the only nice thing about that photo are the colourful and gay parrots on the placemat in front of you. everyone else is a fucking pig. my god do i see food? do i see eating? food is the enemy, eating is a disease.
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 6.75
how many poodles have to suffer in order for you to get that wig? you think you can charm me with your abercrombrie and farmer looks? hell naw. those jeans SERIOUSLY have to go, honeycakes. look how big one leg is — it’s as big as your torso! go get aids. quick! i heard hiv does wonderful things to your body
(the guy with the face paint/pumpkin)
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 9.10
y’all look like you work in a cruise ship. you got those waitresses on each corner, you dressed up not like a pumpkin, but a greedy son of a bitch who drank all the kool-aid… and of course, that fag in stripes. as i’ve said… i hope y’all get aids. aids ftw!
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 5
i’ll tell you the greatest invention on the face of the planet: tan in a bottle. you know, i don’t even know my fucking real skin color anymore. try it. it’s fun.
and please ditch that necklace. it’s soo hideous. i expected soo much from you swedish boys. i thought sweden is the epitome of cool. you and your tiger of sweden avatar. the next time i see you, please fix your hair into a slickback, wear eyeglasses, wear a nice filippa k top, wear some acne jeans … and bam, let’s go to stureplan… shit, if you buy me gifts from ordning & reda then i might… might let you give me a spermafyllda rovar. ok? kthxbye
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 1
nice try motherfucker but you have to go to beauty and charm school. is that you deuce bigalo european gigolo? how old is that picture anyway? 8 years? you and your poses. ugh. you fucking remind me of the international male catalog. don’t go around hatin on me now. you know you love me and you know i love you too. *kiss kiss mwah mwah*
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 9.7
is it just me or WHY DOES EVERYONE FUCKING LOOK LIKE ERIE COUNTY COMMUNITY COLLEGE CLASS OF 1984 MIDGETS??? fucking hell, my cock is probably bigger than all your trunks.i’d do you though.
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 7
i hate backpacks. i hate backpackers. and best of all, i fucking hate people who smile as if they’re freefalling/skydiving what’s that thing on your head anyway? girl scout trying to sell cookies?
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 9.8
very charming. it’s soo hard to find a young man who likes to go to senior citizens bingo night. please don’t tell me you have a girlfriend cause if you do, she deserves to be murdered. WHO PICKED THAT SHIRT??? GREEN?? WTF! i think you have potential. seriously.
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 5.2
WHAT IS IT WITH ASIAN FOBS AND THEIR STUPID SHAVED ON THE SIDE HAIRSTYLES??? DUDE GROW YOUR HAIR LONGER
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 8.42
everything is nice about this photo except the shirt. dude, i could giftwrap a fucking hummer h2 using your shirt!!!!!!!!
Some impatient bitches went hatin on me cause hello.. there’s just too many pics for me to rate!!!!! It was mindblowing. LOL.
What’s that Bad Girls club? Anyone know about that?
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 4.20
are you a boy or a lesbian pretending to be a boy? i can’t tell to be honest. channelling jared leto from requiem for a dream, arent we? I SEE HEROIN TRACKMARKS DARLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
remember the emo song, kiddo? "emo is one step below transvestite!" wear dior homme (search for it on google) and i might let you fondle my ass.
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 6.4
i like the calm, collected, effortless "i’m cool" attitude. but those drinks. my god… they look like drug test urine vials. gross.
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 1.4
IS THAT A SWEET VALLEY TWINS/SWEET VALLEY HIGH COLLECTION I SEE ON THE THIRD ROW OF THE SHELF??? OMG I LOVE SWEET VALLEY TWINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JESSICA AND ELIZABETH WAKEFIELD. THAT’S MY CHILDHOOD, RIGHT THERE! you’re gay but not gay enough. go to charm and beauty school, my friend. or better yet, take up vicodin. lots and lots of vicodin.
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 2.15
what’s up with all the old men in the background and that one and only asian? what’s up with the peace sign? one word: LONG YANG CLUB. you have very, very weird tastes my friend. weird weird weird tastes. have you been drinking too much soy sauce? are you a rice queen?
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 4.4
who are you on that picture? is that the illegal immigrant love boat where all these illegals make love to each other and produce more illegals? oh wait — i see too much sausage on that boat. illegal immigrant gay love boat then? say hi to margaret cho. she might be there.
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 10
OMG OMG OMG OmG OMG OMG OMG I FuCKING LOVE YOU!!!!!! LET’S GET MARRIED! GAY MARRIAGE IS LEGAL IN SOMEWHERE IN EUROPE!! you know, i’ve always always ALWAYS wanted to meet an american redneck, complete with his land’s end jacket, cigarette, trucker hat and cigarette. we can totally go to the woods, i’ll drop my pants, bend over and you’ll fuck me till the cows come home. sooo fucking sexy and soo hot
and i love all the dead animals on the back, too. you know i love fur and nothing gets me moist more than dead animals. we’d make a fine couple, you and me.
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 9.3
i love your room. soo lovely. not too sure about the facial expression though. is that the face you give before you’re about to cum? i have a new name for you my friend. from now on, i’ll call you "BAMBI!"
and then he replied how he’s got a family member named Bambi! LOL HAHAHAHA…
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 5.1
i love how you and your stupid friends robbed and cleaned out the polo ralph lauren store of EVERYTHING and then you took this photo on one of the dressing room mirrors as a souvenir of your crime.
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 8.4
your facial expression is priceless! i love how that pregnant whore is trying to cup the guy’s balls on the left and how she’s got her other hand fingering your ass from behind!!! i like your jacket. nice. unfortunately, you look like you got syphillis so no, i won’t let you sperminate me. next!
Bryanboy’s Gayometer rating: 2.2
ran out of crystal meth? call my dealer: (212) 555-3094.
That’s all for now. I’ve got LOOOOOTS of ratings here but I’m too sleepy to crop them all. I’ll do another batch sometime soon.
If you would like to join my Gayometer fun, PLEASE POST A LINK TO YOUR PHOTO ON THE COMMENTS AREA OF THIS PAGE and I’ll rate you on my next blog entry. DO NOT EMAIL ME YOUR PHOTOS. You’ll need to post a link to your photo — upload them somewhere, like photobucket, flickr or wherever.
More updates later including a BLRC (Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax).
I love you all!!!!
Email me and tell me you love me: email@example.com or SMS +63.915.785.1492.