Mrs. Granny Bee’s PICTIONARY ROYALE

I’d like to do a special announcement before we continue with today’s pictionary. I know you’ve all been waiting to see Mrs. Granny Bee’s photos from last week but I’m kind annoyed cause I think I’ve gone FARRRR TOO GAY over the past few days. Hahahaha! I mean gawd, you know you did something wrong (BUT WE ALL KNOW HOW THE WRONG AND THE BAD IS SOOOO GOOOOD HAHAHA) when you suddenly get an avalanche of emails from people asking you to send them bras and panties by mail. I DO NOT WEAR WOMEN’S UNDERWEAR SO I DON’T HAVE "MOIST PANTIES" TO SEND YOU AND BITCH PLEASE, I AM NOT A FULL-TIME TRANNY! Hahaha! I only do it when I’m on crack. So yeah… here goes.

There.

HAHHAHAHA! YUK YUK YUK YUK YUK YUK YUK!

I know that photo was taken back in the dark ages when I got OD’ed on everything Patsy Stone loved but what the heck, shitake happens to the best of us. Good thing I’m clean and sober now. NO WONDER I’M FUCKING FATTTTTT!!! I hope that photo will serve as a reminder that I am a boy, I love being a boy and I will always be a boy, then, now and forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever infinity ever, no matter how many pairs of Manolos, Jimmy Choo, Roger Vivier or Pierre Hardy shoes I’ll get to wear in this lifetime.

Mrs. Granny Bee is waiting!!!! Click click click click! I’m bringing SEXY BACK!!!!

Cha-ching! Cha-ching! Cha-ching!

In her Chanel cashmere twinset, skinny jeans and sky-high Jimmy Choos, 74-year old Mrs. Granny Bee ignored third world heat and tried to check herself into rehab last week for "exhaustion". Unfortunately, the clinic refused admission, citing she is too old for the facility hence the suggestion that she visit a private nursing home (for the aged) instead.

What did Mrs. Granny Bee ended up doing? She went bingeing instead. First stop: McDonald’s.

[Bryanboy's note: after this photo was taken, a few Bryanboy readers approached Mrs. Granny Bee and asked her whether she's related to Bryanboy or not. Being the shy granny that she is, she covered her face with her cardboard and freaked out a little bit. Mrs. Granny Bee would like to apologize for her behaviour because it's not every day that someone sees her in sky-high Jimmy Choos. LOL. I'm kidding!!

I AM SOOO SORRY IF I ACTED WEIRD!!! I JUST GOT FREAKED OUT!! I FEEL TERRIBLE!!! I MEAN YES, I AM BRYANBOY HAHAHAHAHA!!! You guys are soo sweet though and you all said the nicest words. Thanks for reading my blog. =) I'm so sorry that I didn't chat with you guys much. As you can see, I'm wearing a bloody wig and it was all too embarassing for me :P Hope you guys understand hahaha!]

After McDonald’s, Mrs. Granny Bee went to the mall….

She even took a photo of herself in the lifts…. Mrs. Granny Bee is a camwhore!

There wasn’t very much to see so she went to the post office to drop off some letters. She even went to church just for shits and giggles.

Work it like you own it. Fake it till you make it. Everything about me is fake but I am perfect!

OOOOOOOOO Love the hair!

… many, many girls emailed me to ask who made the shoes. They’re from Jimmy Choo!!!

Today’s Obligatory Paparazzi Shot(s)

And there you have it! I hope you enjoyed today’s pictionary. =) I think Mrs. Granny Bee will hibernate for awhile.

Someone from Hawaii sent in this photo. OMG!!!! I’M NOT SURE WHETHER TO GET PISSED OR TO LAUGH. THAT COLT 45 IS SOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING HILARIOUS THOUGH!!!  WHO IS THAT GUY??????? HE LOOKS LIKE A GANGSTER!!!!  I have a feeling Miss Aissa will throw a lil bitch fit as soon as she sees this. Hahaha!

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED!

Ok…. I feel like a complete fraud now cause my readers consider me as thinspiration but I’m really obese! GAWD. I GAINED SOOO MANY POUNDS THIS YEAR ALREADY! I’ll write a little emotional post about weight soon.

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it twice so here I am, saying it thrice. Geography is no boundary when it comes to my faggotry! Words cannot express how I feel every time I open my inbox and see photos of your unconditional and undying love.

Keep them coming — you know my email address. Email bryanboy@gmail.com!

Text Messages Galore

  • Russia (8148)
    OMG I love Russians! Shit, I love, love Russia! Thank you for telling me I’m sexy. Do I know that? Why, yes, of course I do — thanks for reminding me though. I’ll definitely send you a private message shortly. I want to know a) if you’re male, b) if you’re an oligarch or a son of an oligarch and c) if you’re willing to copulate with me so we’ll have half-cosmonaut babies!
  • Ghana, West Africa (4657)
    YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! I FINALLY HAVE PEOPLE FRM AFRICA SEND ME A TEXT MESSAGE! Christina and Lebene, my lovely African goddesses, I love both of you!!!! Thanks for whoring my website in Ghana! You don’t know how much it means to me! I really want to FEEEEEEEEEEEL appreciated by the African community. The real ones, not the Blatino ones in Brooklyn. Hahaha! :P
  • Singapore (5989)
    Ilyana, thank you so much for your very kind message. You’re really sweet. Should I be an entertainer? Well, depends what kind. Last time I checked, I’m a fluffer! You also said how I should be the national spokesperson for the Philippines and how you want to go here cause I make it sound good and fun. Well, I think you should just get your fat ass in this lovely brown land PRONTO! Your fat ass and my obese ass belong together — I’ll take you to my favourite cafe and we’ll eat foie gras till we sweat lard! Again, thanks for your kind message.
  • USA (area code 713)
    Thanks my dear. You should visit my website often and send me a fucking "I LOVE BRYANBOY" photo.
  • USA (NYC 646)
    Travis you manwhore, thanks for your comment. Are you well-hung? Please tell me you’re well-hung.
  • Singapore (4922)
    Bryanboy loves you too!!! "to the maximum" as you said!
  • USA (area code 623)
    Kay from Arizona — thank you so much for the kind words. Yes, I’ll definitely stay hot for YOU and only YOU! (well, unless you find me a nice man…)
  • Malaysia (1021)
    Beng — yes, I saw your message! And here’s my reply: BRYANBOY LOVES YOU TOO! And I fucking mean it.

I love all of your messages! Keep them coming!

Email me and tell me you love me. My email address is bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS +63.915.785.1492.

I love you all!

As always, keep the fucking faggotry alive!!!!!!!!