Welcome to my church... and my penis. Not safe for work unless you're a pedophile.

Welcome to my church.

I am your god, you are my followers and this... is my religion.

I really don't understand the avalanche of text messages I got recently from people asking me if I had a nose job or not. I mean, for god's sake, I may not post pictures of myself on a daily basis but I DO post pictures every so often. Dontcha think I need time to recuperate and such?

Don't give me the whole "everything is ok after a day" bullshit. I know this ISN'T COMPLETELY ACCURATE (I have poor memory) but if I'm not mistaken, my doctor told me you need to wear a surgical mask for 1-2 weeks and it takes about a month or two before you can show your new nose to the entire world.

But then again, remember Ashlee Simpson? I don't know how long it took her to recover but I assume that bitch had the best of everything. We all know the impossible is possible when a) you're in Hollywood and b) you have more than US$100 million in the bank. In my case, even the possible IS impossible because a) I'm in the third world and b) my bank account can't even feed me.

101506_shower I've never had surgery done to my face and I'm scared of anything that has a possibility of me turning into a young, gaysian version of Jocelyn Wildenstein. Trust me -- I've been toying around the idea of having a nice tiny little nose for the past 2 decades but I simply do not have the balls nor the scrotum to do it. Besides, I have my priorities straight. I really don't mind my onion bulb nose. AND I CERTAINLY DON'T MIND THE FACT THAT IT OCCUPIES HALF MY FACE. It's only a nose for god's sake. Someone even told me once that my nose looks like a penis with a testicle on each side. There are sooo many people with noses worse than mine. Some people don't even have noses. Frankly, I'd rather go for a liposuction than get a nose job. The fat that envelopes my sheer existence is more important than my nose. There's a beautiful, bony, rail-thin person trapped inside me, crying for help. Don't you think it's more important for me to listen to that voice instead of getting rhinoplasty?

It's YOU who's got a problem, not me. Shit, you even send me text messages at what, 4 in the morning, about my nose. I recommend that you get your eyes checked. Looks and photos can be deceiving. ANYONE WITH A BRAIN WILL KNOW THAT IF YOU POSE SIDEWAYS, YOUR NOSE WILL LOOK THINNER, SMALLER AND POINTIER.

If you're gonna be too anal about my nose, why don't you take a look at ALL my photos and tell me the last time I looked straight to the camera. My nose will obviously look different because my photos are taken in various different angles (or perhaps the same hahaha).

101506_daniella You have a choice, my friend: either go for a Lasik eye surgery or put a cessation order on whatever it is that you're taking. It's clear that you're not thinking straight. This obsession with my nose has got to stop. Why don't you pay for my nose job while you're at it? I promise to take LOTS of pictures before, during AND after surgery. Heck, I'll even take photos of all the gruesome details, blood, cocaine residue, broken septum and doctor hammering my face and all. I'll make you... and my longtime childhood idol and goddess of cocaine (she used to spend £100,000 a year on the white stuff), Daniella Westbrook, proud. I love Daniella. When I was a child, I remember reading the UK tabloids with her face splashed on the front pages with nothing but a nightgown and a bathrobe on. She'd call all these reporters to her hotel suite to take her photos and show the entire world what coke can do to your nose.

Nah. I really don't want a nose job. What I want is liposuction!

Just put this issue to rest, will ya? It's soo ghetto and trash. Reminds me of cheap shameless self-promotion tactics third world showbiz people use. Did she or didn't she? It's pretty much on the same level as is she preggers or did she have an abortion? Ugh. Terrible. Terrible! As I've said, I'll certainly write about it on my blog in the event I go for a surgery. Nose job, liposuction, gender reassignment, whatever.

Moving on........

Everyone Hail Me!

I love the new batch of love that's currently littering my inbox. You're all gorgeous! Who the fuckin hell knew I have readers in Ho Chi Minh, of all places? I mean, I know it's not exactly far-flung cause Vietnam is practically our neighbour but come on, isn't Ho Chi Minh exotic? I love it. Proof that geography is really no boundary when it comes to my faggotry. Keep them coming and yes, that includes a lot of you Singaporeans out there. *wink* You all know where to send them -- email me!

Lovin Vietnamese folks...

... and Singaporeans too. Dammit, I really need to get my ass there.

Bryanboy meet Bryan. Awww... isn't he the cutest? We even have the same name. It's always nice to see a big, brolly Singaporean man work it like he owns it. Lovely!

Oooh... lookie lookie at these girls from St. Catherine's College in Perth...

... and of course, a little pose from one of the most beautiful places on Earth, the Great Wall of China, courtesy of Alain. I FUCKING MISS THAT PLACE.

Big happy birthday to Roni from Brisbane, who drunk dialled ME on the night of her birthday party. I thought that's sweet... and a very expensive gesture, too, considering she's in Australia. Haha!

I'm gonna make a separate entry for all the non-Asian lovin lovin' I got so keep an eye out over the next few days. There's just too many... and that's exactly how I want it SO KEEP YOUR PHOTOS COMING!

Nik from Minneapolis sent in this photo. I think he sent it to the wrong email address as we all know I'm not a children's music singer (aka brianboy.com). Hahaha! I still love them nonetheless.

I think that's all for now.

Email me y'all and tell me love you me. My email address is bryanboy@gmail.com. You may also send me an SMS to +63.915.785.1492. Please... no more text messages asking me whether I had a nose job or not.

I love you all, as always!

Baboosh_3

PS. Discuss this blog post on my Online Discussion Forum.

PPSS. Go to Fabuloush to find out who my superhero is. Fine. Olive Oyl isn't a superhero but whatever. That bitch is thinspiration galore.

PPSS. Big shout out to the folks at PCIJ. They recently interviewed me and it's now online. I love those girls **AND** I love PCIJ... God, I look TERRIBLE. My face is a mess. Hahahaha! Verbal diarrhea galore.

101506_david David Celdran wrote a beautiful piece about Generation Me. Isn't he cute for an old man? I'm kidding. I don't even wanna know what I'd look like when I get older. Anyway, his name rang a bell and then it occured to me -- he used to host this TV game show here in the third world called "Battle of the Brains" where kids from various schools around the Philippines answer all sorts of math, science or whatever questions. I remember going to the nationwide finals BY FORCE. Our school made our class watch the damn thing (my classmates were the overall champs!) and they gave all sorts of free shit - soaps, toothpaste, etc. Ugh. childhood memories. Gross. Hahaha!

Speaking of childhood, JUST LOOK AT MY FACE ON THIS PHOTO. AND MY PENIS, TOO. Where's my mother when I needed her the most? Damn bitch left me with our former maid. Didn't she knew that red nails are hazardous to a baby's health? No wonder I turned into a fag. Hahahaha! I'm doomed for the rest of my life -- I was born a fat child and I'm gonna die as a fat child. I swear to fucking god, I was the fattest baby ever. Now y'all know where my neurosis came from. I look like a friggin Sonoma/Hudson foie gras duck! Shame on everyone for overfeeding me. I LOOK TERRIBLE!!!!! GROSSSS!!!!!