Spermafyllda Rövar

Written By bryanboy

Spermafyllda Rövar

Well… you learn something new everyday. That’s all I can say.

I made the phone company extremely rich yesterday morning because I drunk-dialled/txtd random people once again. I could barely remember what happened after 3AM though I know I must have spent an hour talking to one of my friends in Stockholm (of all places) before sleeping.

I got up at 11:30 yesterday with nothing but my undies on, a hangover, a cigarette burn on my arm, oh, and two bruises on my leg and my knee.

Bad habits NEVER die. I don’t know why I’m subjecting myself to such crap. I swear to god, I’m really too old for this shit. Ever seen the movie "28 Days" with Sandra Bullock? That’s the story of my life right there… before she went to rehab, that is.

The next time I go home from the club, I’m gonna give my cellphone to the driver so I don’t embark on a drunk dialling/texting spree. It’s a bitch having to look at your phone the following day. I got up this morning with 18 missed calls and 47 new text messages, half of them telling me I was soo drunk and I should go to bed. God knows what verbal diarrhea I spat to the people on my contact list – it’s soo much easier to pretend nothing happened. Damage control can lick my ass crack. Thank god there’s people like Howard who treats me like I’m sober even if I had over 3 dozen cocktails.

101906_drunk_1I had a really fantastic time the other night but I have to admit I kinda got pissed in the end (I’m fine now hahaha tsk! *wink*) cause one of the girls I’m with used my name and the whole "bryanboy has a blog la di da" bullcrap when she tried to pick up some random guy for her friend. It really ticked me off cause I don’t understand why she would do that. I mean, I don’t give a shit about others, nobody gives a shit about me and I only care about myself – that’s exactly how I want everything to be. It made me think… why can’t I just be "Bryan" when I go out and not be "Bryanboy.com"? I swear to god, I really should consider saving a ton of $$$ and relocate somewhere remote and far-flung where nobody knows me.

I honestly don’t give a rat’s ass about the guy!!! He prolly now thinks I’m into him when it’s the girl’s friend who likes him, not me. Ugh! I don’t know what went over me so I approached that guy (something I NEVER, EVER, EVER do — I **NEVER** approach random strangers. EVER) and told him I don’t like him (I don’t like "like" him if you know what I mean) and it’s the people I’m with who does. I swear to god it was sooo humiliating. It’s a good thing that he was nice about it. He was like "it’s ok", "it’s alright", yaddi yaddi yadda whatever but for me to actually do that shit is just ugh…

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WANNA CRY.

EVERYONE WHO KNOWS ME AND I MEAN EVERYONE WHO KNOWS ME knows that I NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER PICK UP GUYS IN THIS SHITTY LITTLE TOWN LET ALONE GIVE RANDOM STRANGERS AT A CLUB THE IDEA THAT I "LIKE" THEM WHEN I DON’T. I don’t even talk to strangers unless they talk to me first! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m just saying this now so it won’t happen again in the future. My blog is my form of therapy so there.

And to think, I wasn’t even supposed to go out the other night. I looked really terrible. All I had in mind was a quick dinner and be back at home before 10. I ended up being a club casualty with far too many drinks and bruises on my legs.

Ok, now that it’s out of my system it’s best to forget about it and pretend it didn’t happen. Abort abort abort, delete delete delete. There’s no point in dwelling on it or make a big deal out of it because it’s already done.

Today’s Obligatory Paparazzi Shot

Next!

You know what I think I need?

I need to detox. Yes!!! DETOX! 

I had a conversation with one of my friends the other day about detoxification and how all you do is drink fruit juices for a few days and how it does wonders to your body etc. I mean, isn’t this what Kate Moss does several times a year in Thailand or Bali? Maybe this is what I needed afterall to lose a couple of pounds…

Someone I know told me about this place last year and it’s only until now that I researched about them. It looks really nice!!!!!

The Farm at San Benito
http://www.thefarm.com.ph 


Photo credit: The Farm at San Benito

I went to their website to see their rates and their 7-day detox package is kinda pricey at US$1,794.60. I mean, I don’t wanna go there for only 3 or 5 days. Heck, cleaning my lungs will probably take 3 days on its own let alone detoxify my entire body.

I’m gonna have to think about it. The 5-day detox retreat package looks inviting though I have to admit, I cringed when I saw "Colon Hydrotherapy Sessions". I’m not sure if this is what I think what it is. I know a few people who had a colonic irrigation in the past and they’re all raving about it. I don’t think I’m ready to have a metal tube inserted up my ass. Douching myself with evian before engaging in receptive anal sex is already icky enough… I can’t even imagine the prospect of having a stranger irrigate my intestines with gallons of tap water and have my shit flying all over the place. Maybe they can give me a US$1,000 discount if I skip the colon hydrotherapy sessions? Hahaha.

On second thought, maybe a colonic irrigation is what I needed. With water, you fool, not with some drunk jackass’ DNA. What do you think? Ever had that done?


Photo credit: Royston-therapy.co.uk


Photo credit: Juicefasting.com

HAHAHAHAHA! So yeah… enough about colons. Here are several photos from random pundits at flickr. Look at all that nature and foliage!!!

Isn’t The Farm loverrrrly? I’m gonna have to think more about it cause US$1.7K, I mean, US$1794.60 my bad, is no laughing matter. Heck, I can get a nose job for that amount! LOL.

If there’s someone out there who wants to go to The Farm with me, shoot me an email. It would be fun to have a partner in crime as we get our colons cleansed, just for shits and giggles.

Does anyone know when the Damier Azur collection gonna be out? I know I’m supposed to be on a self-imposed, year-long Louis Vuitton ban but I’m getting hives thinking about it already. I totally forgot about it but someone sent me an email asking my thoughts. I heard it’s supposed to be out on November. Jot me in for a new speedy. I think they’ve priced it at US$625 a pop, which is super affordable for a new LV bag considering most of their pieces are in the US$1K+ range. I know I paid for around US$1.2K for the last speedy I bought (perforated monogram). I want the speedy!!!!


Photo credit/correction: Chuvaness (my bad!!! good thing you sent a note. this is what happens when you search on google and end up crediting other people who steal your photos sorrrrrrrry babe, hahaha!!  LOL)

Lookie lookie at what a fan sent me. =) Thanks, Lui! Isn’t it the cutest thing ever? Imagine if Goyard is able to do a little custom graphic like that on their bags (not with the birkin though but with the same bag that graphic is painted on) !!!! PRICELESS.

Remember Hedi for Yves Saint Laurent?

Hedi Slimane used to make clothes for fat boys before this whole Dior Homme/luxe emo kid anorexic male extravaganza started. I did some national geographic-type of digging around my closet for ancient relics I haven’t worn and found a shirt that I bought in London ages and ages ago. It’s the smallest size they have but look how enormous the shirt is. I think I may have to wait a few more years before I can wear it. It’s still baggy on me. Pity cause I’m currently at my fattest stage – you can no longer see my clavicles and my ribs unless I lift my arms.

I’m in desperate need of thick and crisp white shirts but all the ready to wear men’s shit are too large and all the women’s crap are too small.  It really is difficult to have my crappy body – too thin to be a man, too fat to be a woman. Anyway, I read an article a long time ago on how it’s sooo much better to get custom-tailored shirts (and suits)… in HONGKONG. I’m gonna research on this further and see what happens.

I think that’s all for now. It’s 4;30AM on a Friday and I should really go back to sleep cause I have lots of work to do later today.

Baboosh_3

PS. Discuss this blog post on my Online Discussion Forum.

11 Comments

  1. Sarah from Boston

    That picture of you at the top is super hot, even if you are totally shitfaced.
    Leave it to you to pull that off :P

  2. “I don’t even talk to strangers unless they talk to me first! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!” haha you’d sound like a NewYorker if you just change it to “I don’t even talk to strangers.” Nice photos of the Philippines..can’t wait to see the place with my own eyes next year.
    You and your sister have good genes.. both of you are really pretty. I’m calling a guy pretty! wtf?!?!
    I notice that the people in the background of your photos don’t look at you as if you are strange. I guess people there are more liberal than in the states. Land of the free huh?

  3. hello bryan,
    the damier azur photo was taken by me in Macau.
    they will be available on November 1.
    cheers.

  4. hey bryan i saw your birkin bag in metro. shit i was shocked when i found out it was php 300,000++!!!! youre so lucky! inggit ako!

  5. hey, that photo of the girls holding the new Azur line, the one on the left, isnt she one of the finalist in America Next Top Model? Forgot which season tho.

  6. Bryan, what possessed you to post pics of crap on your blog? That is just wrong. Nice texture, though.
    Hey, that’s Elyse from season 1. The folks at her journal are going insane, cos they think she’s dead in a gutter somewhere, LOL. Apparently, she hasnt updated in months. Up and left, just like that. Nice to know she’s still alive.

  7. Hey fabulous- I did a 10 day detox…. you dont need to go to Bali to do it. Its called the “lemonade diet” but I omitted the maple syrup and just drank straight lemon water for 10 days. You feel fucking amazing afterwards and loose tons of weight. The best part is you feel amazing….. and your alcohol tolerance is like back to 0 once your done. And instead of colon hydration you just drink tons of senna tea. mwah

  8. cecile – i’m sorry!!! duly noted and i went ahead and updated this page. damn website who stole your photo.
    ari miraj – yes… her name is elyse indeed
    snuggle meister – i LOVE her blog and i do check from time to time. i’m gonna make an entry about her… ;)

  9. Honey…honey…run don’t walk to the nearest colonic person and get like 10 colonics ASAP!!! They aren’t nearly as gross as you think, you don’t see or smell anything and your shit doesn’t go flying all over. And you walk away 5 lbs lighter and flat as a board. I get them all the time, they are the secret of everyone in Hollywood (Paris Hilton goes to my same clinic in Beverly Hills). Anyways, I am serious I cannot say enough good things about colonics, you will feel better, look better, have awesome skin, not be as hungry, and they are just overall awesome. Also, they totally don’t use tap water it’s all filtered etc. Anyways I really could not be more serious about this.

  10. shopdiary

    hey brian,
    you probably picked up that photo of the damier azur from my website. if so, i had permission from cecile to post it and duly credited her in my post. :-)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>