I'M SOOO FUCKING PISSED.

I'M SOOO FUCKING PISSED.

Written By bryanboy

I’M SOOO FUCKING PISSED.

You read that right.

It’s not every day I dream of something. The last time I had a dream was back in 1942 and it involved Valentino and his yacht as well as those silly little amphetamine pills they prescribe for children with ADD.

My dream over the weekend was short but sweet: me + those old monogrammed denim Louis Vuitton vagina shorts +  Michael Kors for Celine GOLD YES GOLD turtleneck + ice skating on Madison Square Gardens in New York City in the middle of winter, blizzard and all. I’ve been watching a lot of trashtastic TV the past few weeks and the reason why I had that dream is because of that "Skating with Celebrities" show.

Last time I checked, I’m a boy who likes to make his dreams come true (I’m all for turning fantasy into reality) so I made plans with a friend to go ice skating yesterday afternoon at one of the malls here.

(BTW, I know this video doesn’t have anything to do with ice skating but View From the Top is my ultimate feel-good movie about following your dreams!)

Unfortunately, bitch backed out first thing in the morning saying she’s got a last-minute meeting at work. I’m SOOO FUCKING PISSED. Oi you fucking whore… you owe me dinner hahaha! *wink* I have a feeling she didn’t wanna go ice skating and she didn’t have the balls to tell me so. Whatever, right? Hey, her reasons are hers and I respect that. Haha!

I can’t even remember the last time I went ice skating – decades? centuries? I really can’t remember. Also, I was *THIS* close to getting my feet on ice when I went to Copenhagen last year, along with 3 German guys and a Dane (happy birthday Sebastian) but it was too late at night when we arrived at the rink. Oh well.

I won’t let this teeny tiny blip pass my books. By hook or by crook, I swear to my grandma’s fat fanny that I’m gonna skate within the week. I’ll fucking bring Eunice if I have to.

Minus the gold turtleneck and vagina shorts, of course.

I got up at 8:30AM today because I have lots of shit to do. I had to go to the doctors to get my twice a year flu and pneumonia shots followed by a quick trip to the dentist to book an appointment. I can’t, for the life of god, find their phone number and the Philippines’ directory assistance is useless. I repeat – USELESS. I wanna get some dental work done… my 1.5 pack and 500 cups of tea a day diet is fucking my mouth up.

I also went to the salon (Acqua Salon) to for a haircut. Ignore my hair on today’s photos. I KNOW I LOOK LIKE A BITCH WHO GOT ELECTROCUTED CAUSE MY HAIR IS ALL OVER THE PLACE. I told the stylist NOT to put any product on my hair afterwards.

I also went back to my aesthetician’s clinic for a follow-up. My face is being a bitch and I have a formal party to go to this Saturday. Speaking of which, I still need an outfit. Dinner jacket, shirt, tie, decent pants. Ugh… and I have 3 days. It’s my friend’s grandfather’s birthday and  they had their entire clan fly in from Australia. I should’ve said no when I had the opportunity to do so. Too late. We’ll see how I’m gonna pull this one off.

My usual doctor, Dr. Guada, is on maternity leave for the next few months. Last time I saw her she was as thin as a rail but completely knocked up with her husband’s population paste. Dr. Guada you’re gonna have beautiful babiessssss!! They have a new doctor come in from a different branch and I LOVE her already. Can you imagine — I was about to leave the clinic and her final words were "STAY SLIM!". I almost tripped from what she said cause we all know I’m at my fattest state right now and all those calories I had from my burger are swimming in my bloodstream.

Here’s what I had for brunch (Cafe Breton) BEFORE I went to the clinic. Mortifying… and delightful at the same time.

I really don’t know why I’m doing this to myself. Honest! All this endless bullshit talk on thinspiration, anorexia, wanting to be thin and how I’m soo "fat" but we all know I end up eating burgers for brunch.

I only ate the bottom side of the bun. Just because I binge more than Star Jones pre-gastric bypass, I’m still aware of my limits you know. Haha!

I seriously need to go to the shrink and ask if there’s a completely rational and valid explanation for my behaviour. I preach all this bullshit but I always end up doing the exact opposite of what I preach. Sometimes I feel as if I’m one of those homophobic anti-gay people but in reality, my pastime involves guzzling human cum straight from the tap. At the end of the day, the only person I’m fooling is myself.

I think I’ll get my hair coloured (+ highlights) this weekend. I just don’t have the luxury of time anymore. It really sucks to be me. I mean, good lord, why am I soooo high maintenance? Why can’t I be one of those wash and go, wash and wear, wear until you tear people?

I know why…

and there’s my answer. I don’t know about yours.

Today’s Obligatory Paparazzi Shot (s)

Oh oh oh oh oh oh.

I thought I’d also share with you what I ended up doing yesterday — SKETCHING!

YES!!!!!

Trash me all you want. Yes, even a five year old can do what I did. I’m no artist and I know they’re not the best but they’re wayyy better than my hearts, stars and stick people doodles.

I really like the last piece. In fact, I like it soo much I’m gonna use it as part of my letterhead. I’m having new stationery printed up (trust me, my new letterhead is 15,000 TIMES BETTER than the ones I’ve been using from Microsoft Word templates) and I thought it would be cute to add that sketch.

What do you think?

I’m off! I gotta get dressed cause I’m meeting a client for dinner. I have a feeling I’m gonna be late. Haha!

Email me and tell me you love me. My email address is bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS +63.915.785.1492.

I love you all!

Remember kids… keep the faggotry alive.

Baboosh_3

PS. Discuss this blog post on my Online Discussion Forum.

41 Comments

  1. the sketches remind me of the new louis vuitton monogram groom colection fab!
    im a graphic designer let me know if i can hook you up…
    xo

  2. Jeeezus. You are beginning to look more like a woman every day. That pic of you in that chair could have fooled me.

  3. lisalisa

    oh my goodness dahlin, what have u done to your hair? it will take my eyes awhile to get use to it…hopefully by then either it will have grown out a little or u picked up sum products! kiss kiss

  4. go to tyler! i love their dressy clothes for formal occasions.. (it’s the only brand that fits me so well)–
    till next time mare!

  5. amazing bryan!! why have u stopped shopping??
    You need to spend your well earned money on crazy designer bags and make us jealous!!!
    and why have u stopped listing what you wear. you are our inspiration! our only source of glamour light !!!
    and what bag is that? with the braided handles? its sooooo fabulous!!!
    tell me pls.. make me envy u…
    Nina ( yer singaporean fan)

  6. btw, i claim responsibility and possession of the word ‘honeyboy’ LMAO!!!

  7. Mishikay

    I love your outfit!!! Especially the belt and necklace. I NEED to know where you got that fabulous piece of jewellery.

  8. Oh stop complaining. I’m still fat and I have to be in an ad and friggin present that dinner! Bah…. I also have two pimples on my face. Boo hooo

  9. so u’r tha brian boy that my fabulous socialite friends here in cebu are talking about huh!??
    actually you’r soooo fucking fabulous bitch!!! I LOVE YOU BIATCH!!
    give me sum spanking in the ass sumtimes! mwaaaaaaah!!!

  10. I wish I could pull off a mustard Hermes belt like you can. Then again, I would have to lose 5 kg before this is ever possible.

  11. Geez Bryan stop looking like such a dyke. I’m not digging the new hair. It’ll grow out though.
    You’re sketching is fabuloso baby.

  12. Geez Bryan stop looking like such a dyke. I’m not digging the new hair. It’ll grow out though.
    Your sketching is fabuloso baby.

  13. i love the sketches. hey would it be a nice idea if you sell stationaries??? and a sticker of your sketch?

  14. you are beyond fabulous, we have to make another word for fabulous. even your so-pissed entry has a way of bringing delight to my life. i love you to bits.

  15. Not to dis, but you very obviously traced over those pics and are trying to pass them off as original “sketches.” Ver funny, indeed.

  16. marmalade

    I hate your hair, TOO SHORT!!!!!!!!! I mean!!! You look like a fucking lesbian with that haircut, let it get lil’ bit more longer, It’d suits you alot! TRUTS ME!

  17. i really liked the stationery.
    plus your drawings are not that bad… my drawings are far, far more awful.
    PS
    you’re THIN and does NOT need a noe job!
    TRUST ME on this! ;)

  18. The drawings are cute. They could be used for t-shirts and stationery and such. Perhaps you could start a Bryanboy clothing line along with your jewellery collection… what possibilities.

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