Faggotry in Motion #006 – Bryanboy goes ice skating

I see arms… lots of arms flying all over the place.

I did it. I FINALLY FUCKING did it! Just like those old Emirates ads (I love them soo much), ask yourself this question: when was the last time you did something for the first time? I know I look like a beached whale with incontinence pads the size of Canada but I went ice skating yesterday afternoon for the very first time… well, in a decade or so. I’m still recovering from my fever/flu but the hell with it… it’s either skating on ice or bust…

Ice skating is fun fun fun!!!!

I really wanted to go ice skating last week. I’ve been fantasizing about it for the longest time. I’ve said this many times – I like to think of myself as someone who likes to fulfill his fantasies and dreams. If you don’t do it now, when? So yeah, I went to the biggest mall in the third world (Mall of Asia) yesterday afternoon with my two sisters (who I haven’t seen in days) and with their frieds.

We were on the queue for almost an hour. It was so fucking long one of my siblings and her mates threw a bitch fit and went shopping instead. Queueing is something that doesn’t exist in my dictionary (I resent waiting) but for some strange reason, I had no qualms standing in line and I didn’t even complain to anyone. I was THAT excited.

There’s no separate lane for VIPs (very important prostitutes) or V.VIPs (very VERY important prostitutes). Bah! *kidding* It’s nice to see equality still exists in the eyes of god, if you believe in god… or the powers that be (whoever owns the mall) hahaha. 90% of the people there aren’t even "full-paying" customers. They’re just there because of some silly 1-hour free ice skating coupon they give out for having a meal at the food court. LOL.

It’s a smart concept btw if you’re gonna ask me. You go spend x amount of money getting yourself full and fat on the food court in exchange for an hour’s worth of free skating time on the rink. You then fall in line for 10 long years, go ice skating for another hour and by the time you finish skating, you’re back on starvation mode once again so you end up going back to the food court.

Why spend on food when the tickets are cheapola anyway? Each ticket will set you back about US$7 per person on weekends for unlimited use of the skating rink (includes skates and helmets).

I ended up with my sister who doesn’t know how to skate… she hired a personal instructor for like US$3 per hour. I’m all for cheap and affordable labour. Don’t you just looooooove the fabulous third world?

Unfortunately, you get what you paid for. Expect no fit, 6-foot tall hockey player moonlighting for extra dough here. My sister’s skating instructor was a 5-foot tall skinny Filipino girl with hair soo long that salon owners will have to pay their bitches triple doubletime (if that makes sense) just to shampoo her hair. She was nice and she’s really friendly. It’s just a shame that my sister is a lazy stubborn fat bastard with movement problems. I have no idea why she’s sooo terrified.

I, on the other hand, look as if I’ve got a dildo stuck up my ass but I still managed to enjoy the moment and went around for more than a dozen times. I mean, I’m no expert in skating but for someone who hasn’t been on the rink for more than 5 decades, I think I did very well.

I swear to god, I’m gonna go to that fucking skating rink again later this week. I finally found a new love! Exercising, running and going to the gym can lick my balls… ice skating is for me!

If you decide to go ice skating, be sure to bring your own gloves (winter AND surgical gloves), an extra pair of socks, some hospital alcohol or any serious disinfectant. I’m telling you, those skates have so many germs it’s unbelievable. It was gross having to tie them up. The skates at the rental shop are soo fucking filthy. Beyond filthy!!!! It’s not funny smelling like somebody else’s sweaty, dirty foot. Gross! Fucking gross! It was worth it though. If I do give this ice skating bollocks a shot, I’ll probably buy my own skates. I don’t know where… I haven’t seen a shop here that sells skates. We’ll see how it goes.

BTW, this poster is the most annoying piece of shit ever. It’s all over the place. I wanna friggin hunt these kiddie pedophile magnets down, pull their hair and get them all fat. Hahaha! *kidding*

Now this… is MUCH, MUCHO better.

Apres-skating, we shopped for a little bit and went to the conveyor-belt sushi place called "Sakae Sushi". It’s a nice little place, reminds me of Yo Sushi in Europe.

Anorexia is soo out of season now…

Eat Bryanboy! Be agressive! Be be agressive!

You don’t want see the damage I made. This is just half of it…. BTW, you can actually order all sorts of shit on the computer screen above the table hence the computer mouse.

So there goes my Sunday. Exciting eh? We had to go home early cause I wasn’t feeling well (I had fever) but I really had loads of fun. It’s nice to catch up with my siblings and it’s great that I managed to fulfill one of my dreams. I really got inspired by those old Emirates adverts. I have another fantasy: I wanna ride an elephant. Yes! An elephant. A REAL elephant. I’m gonna research about it and see where the fucking hell in Manila I can do such thing.

It’s 3:52AM. I’m gonna answer some of your emails and take a quick nap. Email me and tell me you love me. My email address is bryanboy@gmail.com or sms +63.915.785.1492.

I love you all!


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