Faggotry in Motion #006 – Bryanboy goes ice skating

Written By bryanboy

Faggotry in Motion #006 – Bryanboy goes ice skating

I see arms… lots of arms flying all over the place.

I did it. I FINALLY FUCKING did it! Just like those old Emirates ads (I love them soo much), ask yourself this question: when was the last time you did something for the first time? I know I look like a beached whale with incontinence pads the size of Canada but I went ice skating yesterday afternoon for the very first time… well, in a decade or so. I’m still recovering from my fever/flu but the hell with it… it’s either skating on ice or bust…

Ice skating is fun fun fun!!!!

I really wanted to go ice skating last week. I’ve been fantasizing about it for the longest time. I’ve said this many times – I like to think of myself as someone who likes to fulfill his fantasies and dreams. If you don’t do it now, when? So yeah, I went to the biggest mall in the third world (Mall of Asia) yesterday afternoon with my two sisters (who I haven’t seen in days) and with their frieds.

We were on the queue for almost an hour. It was so fucking long one of my siblings and her mates threw a bitch fit and went shopping instead. Queueing is something that doesn’t exist in my dictionary (I resent waiting) but for some strange reason, I had no qualms standing in line and I didn’t even complain to anyone. I was THAT excited.

There’s no separate lane for VIPs (very important prostitutes) or V.VIPs (very VERY important prostitutes). Bah! *kidding* It’s nice to see equality still exists in the eyes of god, if you believe in god… or the powers that be (whoever owns the mall) hahaha. 90% of the people there aren’t even "full-paying" customers. They’re just there because of some silly 1-hour free ice skating coupon they give out for having a meal at the food court. LOL.

It’s a smart concept btw if you’re gonna ask me. You go spend x amount of money getting yourself full and fat on the food court in exchange for an hour’s worth of free skating time on the rink. You then fall in line for 10 long years, go ice skating for another hour and by the time you finish skating, you’re back on starvation mode once again so you end up going back to the food court.

Why spend on food when the tickets are cheapola anyway? Each ticket will set you back about US$7 per person on weekends for unlimited use of the skating rink (includes skates and helmets).

I ended up with my sister who doesn’t know how to skate… she hired a personal instructor for like US$3 per hour. I’m all for cheap and affordable labour. Don’t you just looooooove the fabulous third world?

Unfortunately, you get what you paid for. Expect no fit, 6-foot tall hockey player moonlighting for extra dough here. My sister’s skating instructor was a 5-foot tall skinny Filipino girl with hair soo long that salon owners will have to pay their bitches triple doubletime (if that makes sense) just to shampoo her hair. She was nice and she’s really friendly. It’s just a shame that my sister is a lazy stubborn fat bastard with movement problems. I have no idea why she’s sooo terrified.

I, on the other hand, look as if I’ve got a dildo stuck up my ass but I still managed to enjoy the moment and went around for more than a dozen times. I mean, I’m no expert in skating but for someone who hasn’t been on the rink for more than 5 decades, I think I did very well.

I swear to god, I’m gonna go to that fucking skating rink again later this week. I finally found a new love! Exercising, running and going to the gym can lick my balls… ice skating is for me!

If you decide to go ice skating, be sure to bring your own gloves (winter AND surgical gloves), an extra pair of socks, some hospital alcohol or any serious disinfectant. I’m telling you, those skates have so many germs it’s unbelievable. It was gross having to tie them up. The skates at the rental shop are soo fucking filthy. Beyond filthy!!!! It’s not funny smelling like somebody else’s sweaty, dirty foot. Gross! Fucking gross! It was worth it though. If I do give this ice skating bollocks a shot, I’ll probably buy my own skates. I don’t know where… I haven’t seen a shop here that sells skates. We’ll see how it goes.

BTW, this poster is the most annoying piece of shit ever. It’s all over the place. I wanna friggin hunt these kiddie pedophile magnets down, pull their hair and get them all fat. Hahaha! *kidding*

Now this… is MUCH, MUCHO better.

Apres-skating, we shopped for a little bit and went to the conveyor-belt sushi place called "Sakae Sushi". It’s a nice little place, reminds me of Yo Sushi in Europe.

Anorexia is soo out of season now…

Eat Bryanboy! Be agressive! Be be agressive!

You don’t want see the damage I made. This is just half of it…. BTW, you can actually order all sorts of shit on the computer screen above the table hence the computer mouse.

So there goes my Sunday. Exciting eh? We had to go home early cause I wasn’t feeling well (I had fever) but I really had loads of fun. It’s nice to catch up with my siblings and it’s great that I managed to fulfill one of my dreams. I really got inspired by those old Emirates adverts. I have another fantasy: I wanna ride an elephant. Yes! An elephant. A REAL elephant. I’m gonna research about it and see where the fucking hell in Manila I can do such thing.

It’s 3:52AM. I’m gonna answer some of your emails and take a quick nap. Email me and tell me you love me. My email address is bryanboy@gmail.com or sms +63.915.785.1492.

I love you all!


PS. Discuss this blog post on my Online Discussion Forum.


  1. ann-loves-bryan

    if only i had known u were fucking skating in MOA i should’ve went there instead.uugghhh!
    luvin u and ur site!

  2. Buy your leotard baby, aww you look so excited Bryan!
    Come to NZ, I’ve never stood in a queue.. ever!

  3. Ooh, I love Sakae Sushi. The Salmon broiled in Miso is insanely yummy but their gyozas are not as robust as before. Sakae Sushi forever!
    I hate using the mouse though, imagine all the grubby hands that were there before.


  5. hahahaha… awwww, you looked adorable on the ice baby! I SOOO would’ve loved to go with you! you know you still looked hawt right?! LOVED this FiM#6! Keep em comin’! :D

  6. isabelle

    Oh I really love Sakae sushi.. I went for their eat-all-you-can buffet (Yes, I am that cheap…) and well, let’s say I did the buffet justice.
    First time I went ice skating was in that mall. And I fell down on my butt on the melting ice.. Gah..

  7. brybry!!
    detest ice-skating but would lurrve to watch you do it though. sakae sushi is sugoi!! i order everything via “click”… i find it so exciting to order “online”. if the menu is similar to the ones here in m’sia (we have an outlet in ‘the curve’ PJ) you oughta try their unagi tofu: yum-fest :)
    p.s: bought a fendi b-bis clutch today (S’pore daystripper) in tan and thought of you.

  8. lisalisa

    aww you look so sweet…baby steps bryanboy…but i think instead u should have changed the music, perhaps a kiddie song from a kiddie show, over here we have sesame street, btw im glad u wore that helmet *remember safety first children*

  9. brave and brown

    Yey, BB! Glad to know you’re out there and livin’ the life. You’re practically glowing with happiness in those pics. Live life to the fullest and without apologies. Communal shoes are icky, though. Amen to you on that one. Cheers!

  10. that is like the funniest thing i have seen in a long time, but you look so cute and happy! the best part was everyone around you couldn’t skate worth shit either! hahahahahaha your awesome

  11. Hay bryanboy, so funny your adventure in ice skating lalo na sa video para kang natatae pag nagskating! Siempre ganyan lang talaga if your’e still new. Later sa susunod mong video palundag-lundag ka na, na parang palaka! (like a jumping frog!)
    Thanks bryanboy for sharing your skating experience to us your loyal fans!!!!
    Good luck to your new found looooooooove and im sure its gonna help you in your slimming problems.

  12. What is that track playing behind your faggotry in motion 1 video? Please tell me. That track is banging!! If you do, I PROMISE I will buy your sticker.

  13. Tom Feilding

    The vid was the 58th most viewed on youtube yesterday. That is slightly worrying.

  14. yay skating!
    ahahaha ; everyone looks like that when they start out .. hobbling around .. jerky arm movements .. stiff limbs ..
    u just gotta learn how to skate in a circle, crossing one foot over the other & THEN u’ll be an Ice Princess.
    <3 love you.

  15. maybe you should try fiesta carnival for the elephants? or go to six flags marine world in the US there’s an elephant park there where you can ride em fat ‘phants!

  16. at the 59sec of ur clip, 2 boys actually collided and kissed each other behind u!!!

  17. hey BB! im a figure skater. well anyway, i hope i saw you at the MOA rink that day you tried ice skating.well anyway, take care nlng ;)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *