Chanel, Chanel, Chanel!

I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD, I’m gonna open a new bank account sometime next week and name it the "Bryanboy Chanel Tweed Jacket Fund". I’ve been dreaming of having a brand new Chanel tweed jacket bought directly from Paris for the longest time… I repeat, **MY** OWN brand-new Chanel tweed jacket, not hand-me-downs deceased (or alive) family members/not-so-distant relatives or "vintage" jackets from consignment/thrift shops.


Photo credit: Style.com

(BTW, this isn’t the jacket that I want for myself but I think this one is gorgeous anyway)

Every time I go to a Chanel store, it doesn’t matter where, I go straight to accessories because I know I can’t afford their ready to wear. Well, not the special pieces anyway. I’m happy pissing myself looking at beautiful runway photos of clothes I could never afford online.

Anyway…

When I went to Rue Cambon last December, I roamed around the boutique as if it were the Louvre. The motherland is sooo massive you just have to keep coming back there EVERY DAY to see all the fabulous Chanel confections. It truly was heaven on earth. If you’re in Paris, you’re thirsty and you don’t have any money to buy yourself a drink, just pop by the Chanel store. They offered me drinks left and right as if another sales associate didn’t offered me a few seconds ago — I had to say no all the time because of my fear of being bloated (yes, even with one drink)… we all know it’s a sin for you to be bloated, in Chanel of all places.

One day, I went back to the boutique to thoroughly explore ready-to-wear. I told myself I’m gonna stick to knits (hahaha) because I had the impression they’re more affordable than, say, anything tailored such as jackets, or, their beautiful, orgasmic dresses (what the heck am I gonna do with a Chanel dress?).

I mean, if you’re gonna explore and you found something super, super, super duper nice and you don’t mind starving yourself for a few weeks or months then you might as well buy it, right?

Well, I saw lots and lots of beautiful sweaters and pullovers and cardigans. There was this red v-neck pullover with white and black stripes and camelias and lots of sequins… beautiful. It was stunning. Absolutely stunning.

After several minutes of browsing, I went to the men’s area which I thought was really tiny. The clothes are enormous though. EVERYTHING was enormous. Even the neckties were enormous. This is the reason why half of the time I buy stuff from women’s because I COULD NEVER FIT INTO MEN’S CLOTHES EVEN DIOR HOMME IS BAGGY ON ME! Heck, I had a pair of size 34 – women’s – think sample size — Chanel cotton cigarette pants at that time.

I saw this really nice black men’s jacket in their smallest size… I got it out of the closet (I can’t say I got it out of the rack cause it was definitely inside a closet) and looked at the details for about 1-2 minutes. My sales associate asked me "why don’t you try it?" and I responded with "no, no, I don’t want to, I know I can’t afford it!" followed by a quick smile. She mumbled something in French and laughed… then she said something like it’s ok to try and it’s free! Hahahaha!

One of the other girls helped me get into the jacket and I looked at the mirror.

Not bad, I thought. The jacket is still wayyy too big for me but I’m sure they can have it altered.

My sales associate at that time is a 60+ year old grandma-type French lady… she wore a crisp white shirt, black wool cardigan, black pleated skirt and a white Chanel cuff bracelet. When she got back, she saw me wearing the men’s jacket I liked. She went berserk (ok, maybe that’s too extreme), pursed lips plus wagging fingers galore she said "non non non it doesn’t suit you".

I don’t know whether she saw the lust in my eyes because she told me to stay where I’m at.

A few minutes later, she came back with a smaller jacket. It was quite evident she’s holding a women’s jacket. It was super dark navy/midnight blue, almost black and it was a size 36. I don’t think it’s tweed but it was definitely woven material of some sort. It had a silk lining, it was sooo soft. It was soo lightweight. I think it had four buttons — in dark, gunmetal gray colour with the interlocking CCs.

I tried it on and voila!

It was perfection. It was pure perfection. It was beyond perfection. It was the most beautiful jacket I have ever seen in my entire life!

I don’t know what it is but there’s something really, really magical with their jackets. Perhaps it’s the way they mastered the art of weaving (I can’t, for the life of god, find the right word to use) all these bits and pieces of material like fabric, ribbon, cord, silk, tweed, or whatever into one cmind-blowing piece. Someone I know but don’t talk to anymore (it’s a long story) told me that she didn’t like Chanel pret-a-porter because they look incredibly tacky and terribly matronic… why should I trust her judgment when she carried this mustard-coloured fake Chloe Paddington bag and I subtly told her to use my black Balenciaga bag instead because "it looks better with her outfit"? I also told her it’s not a good idea to go to the Chloe boutique with her bag. It’s a good thing we’re both shallow – she had no qualms borrowing my bag. In fact, she even borrowed it for four days! Thinking about it now makes me laugh. I don’t think I’ll forget that experience… fine, maybe I’m evil. Maybe I’m shallow. Maybe I’m satan incarnate. Maybe I’ve got both of my feet burning in hell as I speak but I only have her best interests in mind. And mine. Hahaha!

So yeah.. my SA told me that jacket was meant for me. It looked realllllly good. It even looked nice with what I wore that day: black Chanel skinny jeans, Yves Saint Laurent turtleneck and navy blue cashmere Marni cardigan. I even pictured myself with that jacket, a plain white t-shirt, big Chanel sunglasses and jeans. Think off-duty SUPERmodel uniform ala Linda Evangelista — gorgeous!

I knew she wasn’t bullshitting me because she made the effort to find something what she thought is even nicer on me. Come to think of it, your typical sales associates will sugarcoat your ass and say you’re the most gorgeous beast on the planet even if you look hideous on the first item you picked up.

After quite some time, I thought I’d snap myself back to reality because I don’t want to waste any of their time. One glance at the price tag is enough to burst my little bubble of fantasy.

The price? If memory serves me right, it was 4,800 Euros which is around $520,167,176,142,120.44 in American money, something I could no longer afford at that time considering I just spent my entire life savings at their boutique when I bought a pair of boots, a pair of shoes, a brooch, a few necklaces, a keychain, a belt, a pair of pants and a watch when I visited the boutique the prior days. Hah!

I gave the jacket back to the lady, telling her it was the most beautiful piece I have ever seen but I have to let go cause I can’t afford it — with a little frown, followed by a smile.

She told me it was alright and she repeated her little spiel on how I shouldn’t feel uncomfortable and it’s free to try (ugh!!!!!!! soo embarassing). She was laughing all throughout. Hahaha! WELL, IT’S NOT MY FAULT FOR BEING POOR!!!! IT’S NOT MY FAULT WE’RE NOT IN THIRD WORLD PHILIPPINE POLITICS — YOU DO KNOW IF I HAD A CHOICE, I’D CHOSE TO BE BORN TO A POLITICAL CLAN. Hahaha! Anyway, she said she will put it on hold for me in the next 3 days (though I didn’t ask for it) so I can decide and I can come back as many times I want to try it again. It’s also ok even if I don’t come back and get it. Believe me, she did her best for me not to have emotional scars!!! Hahaha!

To compensate for my disappointment, I ended up buying 3 bags, a baseball cap, a sunvisor, a sweater, a beach towel, a belt, a scarf and a few other presents. NO HUMAN BEING IN THEIR RIGHT MIND CAN MANAGE TO LEAVE THE STORE EMPTY HANDED.

So there… I don’t think they still have that jacket there. Hello, it’s been what, 10 months? I just hope the store sold **THAT** jacket to someone who wants it more than me.

I’ve been a really good boy this year and in spite of my occassional blips here and there, I deserve a Chanel jacket this Christmas, don’t you think? Perhaps next year when I turn 17?

Either way, I hope either Father Christmas or Uncle Karl fulfills my wish.

I have a feeling that’s never gonna happen though cause I believe in karma and it’s my karma to save up and buy a jacket myself because I was naughty to that woman with the fake Chloe bag. Har dee har har.

By the way, I made this little Chanel calendar for those of you who, like me, are not wealthy enough to buy Chanel goodies left and right. I mean seriously, I think the novelty wears off if EVERYTHING YOU OWN is Chanel (or if you own everything Chanel on top of other things haha). Let’s put it this way — not all of us can BUY IT ALL. I do believe that sometimes, it’s the unreachable and unattainable that makes something extra special. We can start with Chanel lip gloss, move to sunglasses, upgrade to bags followed by jackets, fine jewelry, vintage and then finally, haute couture.

I think there’s always something for everyone of all ages at Chanel!!! Be sure to print it out and stick it on your fridge! HAUTE COUTURE OR BUST! If I don’t find someone who’s gonna buy me haute couture by the time I’m 40, I’m gonna organize a mass suicide event for those of you who are on the same boat as me.

SAY HELLO TO CHANEL!

OMG I want his babies!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Imagine the look on every jealous girl and envious faggot’s faces if you’ve got a man like that on your arm.


Photo credit: Style.com

What I meant was… say hello to the boys of Chanel! Hahaha!


Photo credit: Style.com

This necklace looks sooooo familiar… hahaha!


Photo credit: Style.com


Photo credit: Style.com


Photo credit: Style.com


Photo credit: Style.com

Me likey likey the belt!!!!! I WANT THE BELT!!!!!!! It is SOOO ME!!!!!


Photo credit: Style.com

I love each and every one of you! Email me and tell me you love me. My email address is bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS +63.915.785.1492.

Baboosh_3

PS. Discuss this blog post on my Online Discussion Forum.

PPSS. Many of you emailed me asking for more pictures of my muse, my mascot and my English knight in shining armour Alex. Here you go. Don’t go asking me for more cause I’m not posting any more of his pictures unless they’re really nice so there!!!!!!!!!

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