Blond boys have more fun

Yes, you read that right. No, you’re not hallucinating.

I’m sooo depressed I thought I’d scare the shit out of people at the mall.

Spare change? Sucky sucky 5 dolla me love you long time 10 dolla you pay 20 dolla I gib free roast duck?

The white man behind me (with the baby) grabbed my ass while his two wives laughed. Long live polygamy.

I’m kidding.

Don’t be fooled by that smile — there’s a sad and depressed person inside. Work it like you own it. Fake it till you make it. Everything about me is perfect but I am fake, to Janice Dickison: thanks for everything, love, julie newmar bryanboy.

Does blond suit me or do I look like one of those cheapetic blond asian american ghetto fabulouzzzzzz FOBs?

Channelling Kate Moss…

Nah. Kate’s not the type who’s gonna wear 5,000 colours at the same time. Is that a double chin I see? Nice try though.

One more. Give me that heroin chic look… Beautiful! Smashing! Fantastic! Brilliant! Amazing! Magnifique!

You’re still 20 pounds overweight though.

Blame it on Coffee Bean. If they only made calorie-free vanilla ice blended….

I want a gorgeous, well-hung blond boy to strip me naked and lather me up with soap. I haven’t taken a shower in 3 weeks and I smell like European smegma.

Gotta love my zombie hands/wrists… it’s a sign of beauty!

Today’s Obligatory Paparazzi Shot

Postcard from Paris

All this bollocking j’ai la main parisienne talk I’ve been doing the past few days and I get this in the mail…

Only the French will write on a postcard and put it inside an envelope. *wink* *wink* Hahaha!

"Hello Bryan. Here is some fresh love from Paris. I wish some day, I will have a beautiful wedding dress like here. HAHAHA. Kiss, Alec!!"

followed by

"Bryan, this is Bouba. …would you marry… me? Love, Bouba"

Awww… thanks boys! I love both of you!!! 

Look at what I found on the interweb earlier. There’s a reason why I love British girls – no, not because they’re fat (they make me feel better about my obese ass) but this… I think they make the best fag hags around. For real! Meet Katie. She’s also having a little Chanel obsession. Like me. Isn’t the photo cute? It’s SOOOO Juergen Teller. I had this book back in the dark ages called "GO SEES". I remember lending it to someone who, till this day, owes me a shitload of Vuittons, and that book hasn’t seen the light of day.

Had she worn a little black dress and replaced that thing on her head with a little cute scarf with interlocking CCs, she can star in a little Chanel campaign, no? Gorgeous!

Email me and tell me you love me! Coming up next: photos of your unconditional love and my infamous pose! My email address is bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS +63.915.785.1492.

I love you all!