Back to Brunette
Blondes have more fun but brunettes always remember what happened last night.
Jesus. This third-world weather is killing me! Where’s that so-called cool "ber" (Sept/Oct/Nov/Dec) breeze? It’s mid-October already and it’s still FUCKING hot. *sigh*
I thought I’d go out and pamper myself a little bit. Got myself a massage, my nails/manicure/pedicure done and my usual facial yesterday afternoon. My skin broke out the past week and I’m still recovering from that Spanish peel — I was supposed to meet a client over the weekend but I had to cancel cause I didn’t want to show up with a crappy face… and yes, that’s exactly what I told them. Thank god there’s still a few people out there who like me for, well, me so I guess I can still get away with murder whenever I want to.
Nothing extraordinary with yesterday’s outfit. I just didn’t wanna bother. Not even my hair. I can’t for the life of god remember the exact words the man said on some TV commercial but it went something like… "BEAUTY MAKES EFFORT LOOK EFFORTLESS." There really is no point in dressing up when the only ones who are gonna see you are your friends in the healthcare (nail person, massage lady, aesthetician) industry. Took me no more than 2 minutes to get dressed — no makeup or concealer or whatever, slapped a t-shirt on, my favourite denim shorts, boots and a scarf. Scarves are perfect for bad hair days… my hair is sooo dry it’s best for me to stay away from hair products for now. Which reminds me, I need to go to the salon tomorrow for a haircut. My hair is sooo long. I’ll get my colour and highlights done sometime next week. I can’t decide what highlights I should go for…
Coffee, anyone? Hahaha!
Oh my god I look preggers on this photo… hahahaha!
… I also can’t lift my arm anymore for photos cause of fat. Look at my arm on that photo. There’s soo much excess flesh it’s not funny. I CAN’T EVEN SEE MY BONE ANYMORE! Strange how some idiots are obsessed with my nose/want me to get a nosejob/etc when it’s clear there are other more important things to sort out on my body…
Why oh why oh why does it have to be sooo hard to be perfect? Ugh. Repeat after me: there is NO such thing as perfect. There is NO such thing as perfect. There is NO such thing as perfect. There is NO such thing as perfect. We should be happy with ourselves because…
Can you tell I’m going nuts with all this award whatever bullshit? You know what they say — if you can’t beat em, join em. Well.. I say if you don’t wanna join them, beat em! With a Fendi handbag, that is. It’s a known fact that I’m the third world’s favourite online slut so instead of competing with random unknowns and pathetic twats for an award with the 2006 Philippine Web Awards, the fabulous folks at Media G8way invited me as a judge and boy I’m fucking honored.
I can’t tell what categories I’m judging and I have to keep my mouth shut from this day going forward but all I can say is… (and I’m saying this in true blue third world graft and corruption spirit)…
LET THE FUCKIN BRIBERY AND PAYOLA PICASSO BEGIN!!!!!!!!
What do you expect? This is how you get things moving in the fabulous land of the brown, l’exotique and the natives. Don’t wash your hands coz y’all know what I’m talking about. I like to stand right in front of the sink to wash my sweaty third world dick after every time I take a pee. I’m a cheap whore so wave a Mulberry bag (or a bag of coke to my face while you’re at it) and my vote is all yours. I need to take up amphetamines again so I can lose the excess weight that envelopes my sheer existence!!! Shit, I even found photos of my old drug dealer online and by the looks of it, he’s gone unhealthily obese so it’s quite obvious he opted for a healthier lifestyle.
Hahahaha! I’m kidding of course. You can shove your bribes to where the sun doesn’t shine but I have integrity. I’ll vote for the one who REALLY deserves it. I have uncircumcised boys flying in from all over Europe to visit me, rape my obese brown ass and give me sexually-transmitted diseases around the same week as the award ceremony so I have to show them that not all brown ricers are corrupt.
(Oh and for the record, I have to say this cause half of you are gullible fucking bastards who literally take everything I say, the last time I did coke was back in the dark ages. Wayyyy before Kate Moss got busted for that shit. 1853 to be precise. The same year Louis Vuitton Malletier was founded. If anything, my old coke dealer was a god-fearing, devout catholic and he doesn’t believe in reincarnation so there’s no way his photos can be found on the internet.)
I’m gonna treat myself a new Hermès scarf. I went to the USA website and saw the following. What do you think? The prices of their scarves went down I think (I could be wrong though). They went down to US$320 a pop. Soo cheap eh? I swear to god I’ve always thought they’re higher than that. It’s been AGES since I last step foot inside an Hermès boutique. Someone just fucking bring Hermès to Manila, heck even Bangkok’s got a friggin Hermès. Even Kuala Lumpur has it. WE’RE THE ONLY COUNTRY IN THE WORLD WHO FUCKING DOESN’T HAVE Hermès.
I really, really like scarf #2 for the colour. Not too keen on the design though. I don’t have a plum-coloured scarf yet so that one caught my eye.
Out of the scarves I’ve seen, I like these other 2 as well. The colours are really nice and I love the details. I’m telling you, Hermès scarves are like no other. They’re like portable (and wearable) pieces of artwork.
Hmmm.. decision decisions. I think I’ll go for scarf #2 & #4. What do you think?
Track of the moment: So Disgraceful – Headman (feat. Tara Narayanan) *sings*
So burn those labels and hide those tables… electrifying. So tantalizing. Mesmerizing. Fantasizing. Burn those labels and hide your tables… fantasizing. Tantalizing. But I don’t like it I don’t like it no no no no. I don’t like it I don’t like it no no no no. Cause i just want to… so disgraceful. So disgraceful! Tan tan tan tan tan tan tan tan tan tantalizing! TAAAAAAAAANTALIZING! MESSSSSSSSSSSMERIZING. FANTASIZING. TERRORIZING. MESSSSSSMERIZING. FANTASIZING. FAAAAAAAAANTASIZING. TERRORIZING. MESMERIZING. TAAAAAAANTALIZING.
I sold my soul to rock and rollllllllllllllll!
Email me and tell me you love me. My email address is firstname.lastname@example.org. SMS messages can be sent to +63.915.785.1492.
Keep an eye out for tomorrow’s entry. I’m gonna do something I’ve never done before… well, the last time I did it was 8 years ago. The thought of it makes me wanna shit my pants and I’m soooo fucking excited!
I love you all.
PPSS. Big shout out to Jack from the UK. He sent me a message telling me I inspire him and I’m his muse for his art. Apparently, I’m his "culture" so he "placed me in iconic culture images". I LOVE IT!!!! I personally love the tank photo. HAHAHAHAHA! Jack, big kisses from me to you! =)
Remember kids… keep the faggotry alive!