You are my sweetest downfall.

Written By bryanboy

You are my sweetest downfall.

You are my sweetest downfall. I loved you first, I loved you first. Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth. I have to go, I have to go. Your hair was long when we first met. Samson went back to bed, not much hair left on his head. He ate a slice of wonderbread and went right back to bed. And history books forgot about us and the bible didn’t mention us. And the bible didn’t mention us, not even once.

BRYANBOY LOVES REGINA SPEKTOR! Heck, even Galliano for Christian Dior (F/W06-07 Haute Couture) loves Regina Spektor.

I have to cleanse my soul and get rid of all the negative feelings in my bloodstream. I can’t remember the last time I wrote anything that involves self-pity so here goes.

There is no doubt that I’m the most pretentious person in the history of mankind. It’s fun to pretend this and pretend that. I’m extremely good at detaching myself from the dark void of reality and live in my own la-la land. I always believed that PRETENDING to live in fantasy (no matter how delusional one can be) is just as good as living THE actual fantasy, if you know what I mean. Am I making sense? I hope so. Most people dream about things and not do anything about it while there are some, like me, who proactively chase after their dream and turn it into reality.

Will pretending be my downfall… or is it my ticket to great success?

Answers on a postcard please.

Remember what I said before, work it like you own it, fake it till you make it? It’s fun pretending to be famous. It’s fun to pretend a lot of people know me. Well, when you think about it, pretending to be all sorts of things got me this FAR, which isn’t very much if you ask me.

As much as I want to pretend everything is fine and dandy with me, I can’t put up a face because I’m feeling terrible. In fact, I feel really awful.

I’m absolutely exhausted. I’m drained. My morale is super low and I have little energy left.

I’m tired. I’m dead tired.

Over the years, I dipped my hand in various cookie jars to find out what’s best for me but all the cookie jars are empty. It feels as if everything I do makes no sense whatsoever.

I’m not evolving…

… and I’m certainly not going anywhere.

I want to achieve something.

I want to fulfill my dream (it’s funny cause I don’t even know what THAT is…)


I’ve been working extremely hard over the past few weeks to finalize my my online shop and I’m already feeling bored in spite of the fact that I haven’t even launched Narcisse yet.

This is how fucked I am:

I met up with a friend yesterday for lunch and she asked me what time I got up.

I told her point blank I don’t know. I seriously don’t know whether I slept or not. It’s like amnesia or something. I couldn’t remember a thing.

All I know is that I worked on Narcisse from 8AM until 12Noon yesterday. What happened before 8AM got erased from my memory.

That’s how bad things are.

I need some cheering up. I need some serious emotional support. Please help me recover from a morale slump. I know I’m alone in "this" thing, whatever it is, and I think I could really do with people who believe **IN** me. I can only play blind to the people who  pull me down to a certain extent.

Ok, enough bullcrap. We all know I don’t **really** feel sorry for myself and wallowing in self-pity is SOOO not my thing. I suck at this shit. I’m only doing this to get your attention because I love it.

Today’s Obligatory Paparazzi Shot(s)

Tell me you love me. Email or SMS +63.915.785.1492.


PS. Discuss this blog post on my Online Discussion Forum.


PPPSSS. To the guy who emailed me last September 13, 2005, telling me my life is "empty", you’re absolutely right. I hope you’re having a ball now laughing at my misery.

Let’s all admit (heck, I know I admit it) that it’s soo much FUN WHENEVER WE SEE OTHER PEOPLE MISERABLE.


  1. Bryanboy Fan

    Silly. You’re fantastic. With your style and talent, and guts, you’re bound to be successful.

  2. Hey BRB! If you can communicate to all kinds of people, its about time you to talk to GOD SERIOUSLY and surrender yourself and all your problems to HIM and your’e life will never be dull and empty.
    Just try it!
    WE LOVE YOU BRYAN! WE ARE HERE TO CHEER YOU UP SPECIALLY in this time of your loneliness!
    With GOD, you’re life will never be the same again.
    We’ll also pray for you!! CHEER UP!

  3. Hey, Bryan, I dunno if anybody’s gonna want to buy your stuff when you’re putting so much negative vibes into it. Make some real friends… fast!
    Take care,
    Pia :)

  4. I think you are pretty savvy for someone who doesn’t have a college degree (not that we all need a college degree to succeed in life). I am assuming you didn’t go to college—where would you find the time with all your traveling and shopping? ;-) Anyway, I think you have a colorful life and certainly better than most. Everyone is subject to get bogged down by the banalities of life, even the most exotic ones. Just remember that you are fabulous! Cheers! Lisa from Cali

  5. maribien

    bryan, i know how you feel… it’s ok honey, everything will be alright….cheer up!

  6. Ugh, Bryan, you’re still the hottest third world bitch ever, and you know that. Cheer up!
    But I am disappointed with the Regina Spektor plug. Tori Amos does it better (and Viktor & Rolf even had her play during their runway show last year).

  7. Blondie

    some people give you riddiculous comments..did they not read that whole thing? well,……… I LOVE YOU!! you don’t need anyone but you, coz your FUCKING PRETTY!!! xoxo.

  8. Every good things comes the bad.. Every bad things comes the good.
    Something happened, happened for a reason.
    Life’s like that, you just have to stay positive. :)

  9. Bryan needless to say that I’ve been a fan of yours for a while. Im so addicted to your blog. It is my drug. We all like changes, but I must say I do like seeing you 90% in men’s clothes, and 10% in bitch accessories in 1 look. On the contrary, you do look very handsome in all men’s wear too.

  10. I fucking love that Fendi B. bag. (!!!) You’re awesome! You have the best bags. That’s something to be proud of! :+)
    -edna from philadelphia, pa

  11. No one is spared from experiencing life’s depression. Even famous celebrities and personalities suffered severe depression at some point in their lives (e.g. Marilyn Monroe) and end up in suicidal.
    Maybe the reason why you’re depressed is because you’ve work too hard. FIND TIME TO RELAX! As they say, variety is the spice of life. Maybe its about time you need to travel to Singapore, remember you keep postponing it? Lots of your Singaporean friends would be glad to meet you personally!
    Remember BRB, you don’t have the “monopoly of being depressed” There are so many nice things around to be thankful for. CHEER UP! LOTS OF LOVE BRB!!! RELAX! RELAX!

  12. Have you ever had sex life? huh Brianboy? Maybe a good and exciting sex life would help in your boredom. Needs some good spankin’.

  13. cheer up, bryanboy. this is just a rut in the cycle of your life. better things are to come.
    since i started reading your blog i’ve been entertained even when i’m already down in the dumps. thanks. nice bags, by the way. love them. :)

  14. What the heck!?! Don’t you believe that all things come from dreamers… yeah, might sound pretty dum-dum but sometimes the dreamy things are the ones which work its way to the top! Feel pitiful for pretending? Relax, maybe it’s about time to snap, snap, snap to reality that you actually subconsciously wear dark glasses to avoid being recognized, hmmm… Don’t you think that the great and the little have need of one another? Little discourses would let loose some grandeur feeling of emptiness once you start letting go of it… Well, I think that it is but normal to think of being alone once you find yourself wallowing in a sea of strangers whom you saometimes call as friends, acquaintances, etc… And as for what you have reached so far, people have different degradations of their being, chill, don’t you think that you’ve done the most out of your craft? Oh well, it’s for you to weigh down… Anyway, maybe you just missed your cookie because of someone who was a bit quicker than you, quite so? Hehe… ciao! Good luck!!! ROCK ON!!!

  15. Caitlin

    Even though Tom Cruise is an absolute crazy man…. in one of his movies vanilla sky its said “the sweet isnt as sweet without the sour”. Without the slumps no one would appreciate how beautiful the amazing times are. If it was easy you would take it for granted.

  16. charmaine

    hey, i think u’re smart n gutsy n u can do whatever u want to. Ignore those nay sayers; they’ll always b there, bt their opinions doesn’t matter. U’re blessed w/ lots of ppl who encourage u when u’re down, appreciate them. :)

  17. Pretending is trying to be someone that you are not, and from what i see, you are not pretending. You are bryanboy, and thats what make you fabulous. dont listen to those bastards that are trying to put you down. believe me, they are jealous and wondering “why am i not as fabulous as bryanboy??”

  18. you can do some charity work.. that might give you fulfillment that you are looking for.. but before you do it, make sure you are ready and honest with what you really feel.
    pls include cod as a mode of payment in narcisse… lol

  19. I can’t say for sure if you’re kidding or not. No one should take you seriously when you talk about your campaign for eating disorders(kase you’re crazy,dba? hehehe). We all go through this, Bryan. You’re just probably tired of your routine. I think you need some R&R. No blogs whatsoever. We’ll miss you for sure but if you need it–GO!

  20. hotcoffy007

    sometimes a down period is a time to reevaluate who you want to be and who you want to share yourself with. sounds like you need real friends, not fans. and if you can get a mentor, someone who is oh so fabulous and manages to keep it together. they really come in handy

  21. kelly gorgeous

    cheer up.. may be you need some time to relax…all people have their good days and “bad days” may be you’re just having yours like anyone else..Plus count your blessings that will make you feel better..You’re gorgeous..I don’t want you like that ok? =) love you gorgeous!

  22. You have the nicest watch.
    Love ya BB , you have all our support around the world. and you know it.

  23. there's a little bryanboy in all of us

    god, uve almost had me. i was starting to feel sorry but all of a sudden it was all bullcrap. i hate to LOVE you, bboy!
    i have to stay away from you, from your blog and all. i once saw this picture in your pic gallery of a tubby (or some sort) man holding a paper saying, “I LOVE BRYANBOY, NOW I HAVE NO FRIENDS!” that hit me. i did forget about it but now it suddenly hit me, now even greater. yes i don’t have friends and i feel sorry about that. i saw u and thought u as an epitome of anything fab. i am being dellusional, clinically-diagnosed. YOU became part of my imagination, my la-la land as you call it.
    god i hate this. i hate you but i love you the same time. i dont envy you for your material things (for i was not interested in all of that) but i totally like you. i like the way you live your life. i like the way you present yourself to people. no holds barred. god i wish i can be you. but i cant…
    pls dont think that i will be stalking you. i wouldnt go that further, you know.
    this is the last time i would visit ur blog. continue what you are doing and i do hope the best for you always.

  24. B your site definitely ROCKS!!!
    I really think you should have like a really “nice” vacation for you to relax & have some time off from all the bullshitting crap around.
    don’t forget to make some “real” friends..
    ohh..btw i sooo love the bag! haha..

  25. ellecinue

    relax…be somebody “small” at this time…try not to be BB just one day…maybe it’ll help…;)
    you’re just human…feels depressed, tired, bored, whatever you call it!

  26. Dear Bryan:
    What the fuck Are you waiting 4 update your fucking blog?
    We miss you.
    PSS: I wanna see you hunging around HOT GUYS!

  27. you’lll be fine…
    everyone went at that stage in one point of their life…
    pretending… i never let myself to be seen in public with dark clouds written on my face… and when something bad or someone broke my heart, I just smile… smile & pretend I’m all right. and when those fucking bitch office mates of mine who keeps telling “she’s a whore” behind my back i just smile on to them and pretend everything is fine when in fact i feel my soul was shattering into pieces.
    “YOU’LL ONLY FEEL THE PAIN WHEN YOU ADMIT THAT YOU’RE HURTING- so PRETEND!!! And just incase you don’t know it honey- YOU’RE DAMN GOOD BEAUTIFUL” That’s what keeps my morale sore up in the sky. Hope it will help you too.
    and sweetie you should take a rest even twenty to thirty minutes of your time too take a deep breath and relax…

  28. Bryan you’re one of the most amazing, extravagant and driven people I know… Please, don’t ever forget that! xx

  29. Jake Fabulous

    How can yoyu be advertising Pro Activ on your site when you told us it burned your face off!!!

  30. This blog was not my finest hour. Charlotte Valentine was much better.
    Stop being so whacked for a second and come see me. I promise I’ll be cool.

  31. This is all pretty freaky to see. You are some sick genius. It’s what I find irresistible about you.
    We should try and summit Whitney together. That’ll purge some of this whackiness for sure.

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