I don’t trust you. I don’t trust you at all.
My sticker campaign obviously backfired on me and I have to say that I’m disappointed. Extremely disappointed. In the past three (3) days, I received a staggering 3,387 free sticker requests from people around the world.
Be sure to read the entire entry after the jump.
That’s right mother fuckers. In 72 hours, 3,387 people from 41 countries, Australia, Austria, Barbados, Belgium, Brazil, Brunei, Canada, China, Colombia, Costa Rica, Czech Republic, Denmark, Finland, France, Germany, Hong Kong, Indonesia, Ireland, Italy, Japan, Malaysia, Mexico, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Poland, Puerto Rico, Russia, Singapore, Slovakia, South Korea, Sweden, Switzerland, Taiwan, Thailand, Turkey, United Arab Emirates, United Kingdom, United States of America, Vietnam and West Indies, filled out my little online form to request some of my highly-exclusive, limited edition, I *heart* Bryanboy stickers.
I wasn’t expecting the response to be this enormous.
I even stopped accepting requests from the country of Singapore in just 4 hours AFTER I posted the campaign online because of the sheer volume of requests coming from that country. Imagine if I continued to accept Singaporeans. When you think about it, Singapore is such a small country. The USA and Canada on the other hand is approximately 400,000 times larger than Singapore. I had to be gracious and extend my generosity to my North American fans because a majority of my fanbase live there.
I would like to express my appreciation to everyone who participated. I’m still amazed with the sheer volume of the people who want to have my stickers.
Allow me to be honest with you though.
I think it’s fair for you guys to know my dilemma.
You see, I was originally planning to send 3-4 stickers per person unless they live in a major city like New York, London, Los Angeles, Paris, Chicago, etc. People who live in big cities will get more so that they can post my stickers where a LOT of people can see it.
I’ve spent an hour or two prepare and print return address labels (with my office address on it) and pack a couple of stickers inside those envelopes. I must have finished at least 80 packets total.
If you look on the envelopes closely, you won’t see any recipient address because I cannot decide who to send the stickers to.
I suddenly got this weird feeling inside me while I packed those envelopes and I started to ask myself some questions. I know I want to be generous to my LOYAL readers, there’s no doubt about that, especially to the ones who religiously read my blog and have done so for quite awhile.
I couldn’t help but wonder, what am I gonna get out of all this?
I know it’s absolutely wrong to even have that thought come into my mind, especially since I want to be generous and I want to give something back to my readers, the same people who supported me throughout all this time, without expecting anything back from them. My familia de horreur parentals had always taught me that a true generous person gives BUT never expect anything back.
I may be dumb but I’m not completely dumb. One of the reasons (among many, believe me) why I’m sending stickers out is to put word out there about my little narcissistic shrine all over the planet. I also want to collect as many pictures as possible of people holding my sticker and my sticker being "present" on a LOT of famous and lovely places in the planet, kind of like a "around the world with Bryanboy" sort of thing.
Oh fuck it.
Fuck generosity. We all know I’m incredibly selfish. What is the point of giving all this shit, having already spent hundreds of dollars on vinyl stickers alone and then I’ll be spending a couple of thousand dollars on postage (hello, we’re looking at friggin 3,387envelopes!!! I could’ve bought myself a new handbag! I’m still deciding whether or not I should get that Hermés Paris Bombay bag in black Epsom leather!
1) Will I get what I want? All I’m asking for in return are photos of people holding the sticker or photos of the sticker being posted at a place where many people can see it.
2) Out of those 3,387 people, how many people will send photos… and when? Most people are too fucking lazy or camera shy and not everyone is a fucking camwhore. Also, most people just want the stickers and that’s about it.
3) There’s an AWFUL LOT of people out there who simply cannot read basic instructions. I updated my site several times to say that I will NO LONGER send free packets to people in the Singapore, Malaysia, Canada, United States and Australia yet there are people out there who still filled out the form, regardless of the disclaimer in BOLD.
Even Filipino people are fucking bitches. I said right from the start that this promotion is NOT AVAILABLE to anyone in the Philippines but there’s a shitload of third world people who still filled out the form. Can any of you read?
4) I guess the biggest dilemma of all is…
I don’t think I have enough stickers to fulfill all 3,387 requests.
If I were to send 3 stickers per person, I’ll be needing a grand total of 10,161 stickers. Where am I gonna get such quantity? I don’t think I have enough stickers to send to everyone on the mailing list.
Here’s what I decided I’m going to do:
1) I’m gonna prioritize my website donors first. Anyone who donated a small amount (US$5-US$50) will get the stickers first. I have a huge respect for those donors. It’s NOT about the money… it’s about support. People who donated something (regardless of the amount) are special because they support me, they support my website and they support my cause of keeping the faggotry alive.
Anyway, I’m gonna throw a few more stickers in the bag afor them s a token of appreciation. Also, anyone who donated is eligible for the Apple 60GB iPod contest.
(This is what I really hate. I got a lot of emails from people telling me they WANT the iPod. I *really* don’t get it. Some people simply just do not know how to fucking read. I explicitly said the iPod contest is available to DONORS only.) I *know* you *MUST* have the iPod but come on, show some respect you idiots.
2) I’m also gonna send stickers to people I *ALREADY* know. I’ll also prioritize people who BUY my stickers online.
NOW THAT THE LIST IS CLOSED TO PEOPLE FROM CERTAIN COUNTRIES, YOU CAN NOW BUY MY STICKERS FROM AMAZON.COM FOR US$8.49 FOR A PACKET OF THREE, SHIPPING AND HANDLING INCLUDED.
Buy these stickers while they’re cheap! I plan on selling them for US$5 each in the near future. Please allow anywhere between 1-2 weeks for delivery.
3) I’m gonna prioritize Swedish people. There’s something about Sweden that I love so there.
4) Same with the French. I love the French. I think they’re brilliant.
5) People with cute names in cute locations will get my stickers first, too.
Nevertheless, I’ll still stick to my word and mail stickers to those who requested it.
However, most of you guys may have to wait longer than 2-3 weeks until I get a fresh batch of stickers. It may take more than a month or two because my stickers are printed in the USA.
Unless of course, some of you donate something on my site and I’ll prioritize you on my list.
Donation is fast, easy, secure and backed by internet powerhouse, Amazon.com. All you need is a fucking Visa, Mastercard or whatever and an amount as little as US$5. Besides, what is US$5 anyway? Everyone’s fucking got US$5. In some areas, you’d be lucky to get something for US$5. In New York or London, US$5 won’t even buy you a packet of cigarettes. What’s US$5? Maybe a magazine, a can of coke at a hotel… whatever!
Go right ahead. Donate any small amount between US$5 – US$50 (if you’re feeling generous yourself). All you have to do is to click any of the graphics below to make your donation. It shouldn’t take longer than 3 minutes. Trust me on this one.
Once you donated something, be sure to email all the information below to my oh-so-loyal GMAIL account, email@example.com:
- your name
- your mailing address
- your email address
- your telephone number (optional)
- the amount you donated
- your Amazon.com transaction ID number (you’ll get it via email directly from Amazon.com). I’ll match the transaction ID number with my Amazon.com donors list.
Not only you’ll get your stickers in 1-2 weeks, you’ll also be eligible to win a brand spanking new 60GB Apple Video iPod (black). How cool is that?
My maid Eunice and moi will start weeding out the names soon. She’s going to the post office first thing tomorrow morning (Friday) and send the first batch of stickers to 100 people.
There’s a lot of work, I’m telling you.
I think that’s about it. This whole sticker campaign thing
With all that being said, I still would like to thank you for your support. Who the hell fucking knew I’m that popular?
I just wish all my high school frenemies can see my website right now. Who’s having the last laugh now, bitches?
Fucking cunts. LOL.
Email me and tell me you love me. Email firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63.915.785.1492.
I LOVE YOU ALL… and I HOPE YOU STILL LOVE ME!