Camwhore Galore: Market!

080806_pauline_1First things first, I’d like to send a big shout out to Mrs. Pauline Suaco-Juan, Editor-in-Chief of the one top fashion magazines in the Philippines, Preview Magazine. One of my readers (thanks, Gia!) emailed me a link to a google archive of an article on the Philippine Star (one of the third world’s top broadsheets). She wrote an article, entitled "20 Trends that changed our lives in the last 20 years" and she mentioned my blog (woo hoo!) on item #7:

Hey, it’s not every day I get to see my name on the newspaper so allow me to indulge in this little brush with mediadom. Hahaha! Photo courtesy of Chuvaness.

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7) Reality Bites

From Pinoy Big Brother to Bryanboy’s blog to "I-Me-My" journalism (the kind that’s really more diary than opinion column), Pinoys can’t get enough of the real and the mundane. Everyone’s jumping on the reality bandwagon for their five minutes worth of fame (and hopefully fortune). Following the lead of PBB alumni Sam Milby and Zanjo Marudo, many try the TV route and audition for one of the many contest format shows; many more are opting to write their own blogs, hoping to achieve even a fraction of the attention, if not controversy, Bryanboy’s site has generated.
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LOL! Who knew I was controversial? Hahahaha! Thanks Pauline.

Before I spit my usual nonsense and pictionary bonanza, can I just say I’m dying? My upper left wisdom tooth is killing me. No wonder I’ve been having these headaches and fever the past few days — it’s my tooth that’s fucking me up! I simply CAN’T function at all!

I tried all sorts of over-the-counter/non-prescription drug out there (paracetamol, ibuprofen, mefenamic acid) and none of them are working. This is why I fucking hate the third world. It’s fucking easier to get ILLEGAL drugs from the street than get a narcotic. All it takes is a trip down the club, loitter around the toilets and wait for the powers that be to cough up a snowstorm — no prescription required! Fuck drugs though. My party and play days are best kept in the attict. Sober is the new black and I’d rather keep it that way. Besides, I’m not getting any younger. Who the hell wants to be found having a seizure in the club with your mouth foaming like a rabid dog with rabies?

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Yes, I know I’m still obese. Deal with it, ya fuckin cunts!

To be honest with you, I don’t even think narcotics are available in this shithole. I know for a fact that vicodin is UNHEARD of amongst the pharmacies here. When I had a tooth extracted ages ago, the fucking dentist gave me ibuprofen. When I complained to an orthopedist about my excruciating back pain, the asshole prescribed me calcium supplements and a fucking ergonomic chair. I wouldn’t be surprised if cancer patients around here get paracetamol tablets. Shit, I’d rather jump off the bridge and kill myself if I found out I have cancer. That’s how terrible it is over here.

I called my usual dentist yesterday and the whore who answered the phone told me she moved to the USA for greener pastures. Great. How lucky can I fucking get? That bitch left without even telling me and now I have to find someone NEW to deal with my filthy mouth.

I prolly spent at LEAST two hours on the phone trying to find a dentist at Asian Hospital. There’s a shitload of dentists out there but they all have weird schedules. Most of the bastards I dialled won’t even answer the phone when all I want to do is schedule a mouth inspection? Whatever happened to decent healthcare? I’m telling you, it’s sooooo much easier to get a guy to probe my mouth with his penis than get an appointment with these dentists.

One unlucky lady finally picked up the phone and I managed to snag an appointment sometime today.

Unlike most people, I’m not scared of the dentists. I LOVE THEM! The sound of all that hardware clicking all over the place is music to my ears. It’s always nice, for a change, to walk out of a room with your mouth guaranteed to be squeaky clean. Every time I walk out of a room my mouth either smells like booze, coffee and cigarettes or worse, man milk. I don’t even swallow!

Enough healthcare crapola. Let’s get down to business and play pictionary!

My Saturday started at such ungodly hour… I left the house at around 8:45AM and arrived at Starbucks a little after 9 to meet my friend B. It’s the first time in the history of mankind that I went out of my familia de horreur’s birdcage at that time of the day. NOBODY CIVILIZED EVER DOES THAT!Back in my hey day, I usually go home at 9AM not the other way around. Anyway, I had my own mini entourage with me — my sis, our maid Miss Aissa (my Miss Eunice was busy having lesbian sex online) and our 3-year old dachshund.

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It’s all B’s fault. She called me late on Friday night because she wanted me to take her to Salcedo Market. Since I haven’t been there myself, I thought it was a wonderful idea.

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So there… our first stop was Salcedo Market. I LOOOVE that place. I bought all sorts of wonderful food — chicken ham, and a kilo’s worth of enormous prawns, some chorizo & mushroom dip and some king crabs.

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That bag is sooo fucking heavy. No, not the Goyard… the prawns (1 kilo) are sooo heavy! Look at the effect on my arms!!! Some of you are bitching at me to go to the fucking gym. If my body is exerting all that effort just to carry a kilo, what more if I carry a fucking 5-pound dumbbell? I’ll leave those weights to the gym bunnies and muscle maries. Think Patsy Stone. Think just enough muscles left on your arm to lift up a credit card.

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Salcedo Market is located near the Makati Sports Club. The best time to go there is between 8:00-9:30AM while the food is still fresh and readily available.

After the Market, B and I went to Max Brenner for a quick breakfast. It rained cats and dogs… Max Brenner was the best (and coziest) option. Funny how I brought the entire house with me, Miss Aisa, my baby dachshund, my sister and my Goyard yet I forgot to bring a fucking umbrella. Bah!

We went to Greenbelt 3 for a quick spin to see what’s new. I paid a visit to one of my favourite stores in Manila, Firma. That little shop has a shitload of beautiful and decadent things. Everything from accessories to home furnishings to random knick knacks. It’s AMAZING.

B was looking for a red beret for her little S+M party on Saturday evening so we went to SM (ShoeMart). I haven’t gone here in months, mainly because it’s too fucking far from where I live.

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I love SM though. It’s a fabulous, fantastic place for cheapfinds. It’s the Filipino equivalent of, oh what do I fucking know, perhaps H&M?? Anyway, they sell EVERYTHING from clothes, accessories, homeware, food, cosmetics and toiletries… everything and I mean EVERYTHING!

I bought these 2 fabric + leather + faux suede (interior) pouches/cases for approximately US$4 EACH! They’re nice for cameras or cellphones.  Jesus, I should’ve bought a shitload of these and sold them online for US$30 a pop. HAHAHA! Dammit I’m sooo excited for my online store!!!

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I also bought 4 necklaces… again, they’re sooo fucking cheap. I figured I’ll use them once or twice. Whatever. I liked the colours. I don’t have a lot of pink and green things and it’s always nice to hoard shit that you don’t really need.  The lighting is terrible so you won’t see the colours and the details.

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Why wear the necklace on its own when you can wear all FOUR at the same time? Excess, excess, excess! Ignore the tops I wore on these photos. I’ll probably wear the necklaces with a solid-coloured cardigan or v-neck… maybe black… or perhaps a rich eggplant/plum colour.

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After SM, B and I went to Zara where I bought a couple of tops (nothing special, just a couple of v-neck sweaters etc.) and a pair of boots for around US$150. I don’t know how much the exchange rate is but it’s around that ballpark I think. The boots look fugly in photos but they’re nice in person. I really wanted to get the gray one but the branch I went to are sold out in my size — I’m a size 40 or American 10 in women’s. I think I’m gonna go to the flagship store to see if they have the gray boots. I really wanted to get that one as well. The gray boots are sooo gorgeous!

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B couldn’t find her beret so I thought, fuck it. We went to my usual haunt, the M Cafe, for lunch. B had a salad whereas I ordered for my usual oysters and salmon fillet. I love the salmon… scrumptious!

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More camwhorage galore… I PROMISE I AM SOOO NOT INTO BESTALITY! GO AWAY WITH YOUR DIRTY THOUGHTS!

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Man.. what is it with me and my baby’s poses… we really look like we’re fucking! Gross. This pose is the only way for me to calm down my babyyyy. He’s gonna go all over the place like a dog on MDMA if I don’t hold him with my hands…

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You better work! Work it girl! Sashay, shante, shante shante shanteeee!

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Our last stop was Landmark where B finally found her red beret. I was sooo bored inside the department store I decided to wait for her outside while burning my lungs with cigarettes. When B came, we both saw this nun and she was more than happy to have our photos taken. Bryanboy loves NUNS!!!!!! Hopefully one day I can be just like them — dedicate my entire life into serving others with nothing but pure, honest and good intentions… and not expect anything in return.

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But know what I’m like… it AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN.

I’m too selfish for my own good…

and that’s the way (both you and) I like it.

Email me and tell me you love me. My email address is bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS+63.915.785.1492.

I love you all!

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PS. Discuss this blog post on my Online Discussion Forum.

PPSS. Super fashion photographer Sonny Vandevelde (who pretty much covered every damn BIG show there is, from Lanvin to Balenciaga to Yves Saint Laurent… EVERYTHING!!!) never cease to amaze me. If only he likes to rape 17 year old asian bottom bitches like me, I’d be willing to sacrifice my fat ass just for his pleasure.

I have no idea where jetsetting Sonny is right now but according to his recent blog entry dedicated to me, Sonny went ALL THE WAY DOWN TO AUSTRALIA for the flagship store opening of Burberry in Sydney. Here are some of the photos he took. All photos courtesy of Sonny Vandevelde.

Wow… all I can say is… wow!!!

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He was gonna steal this bag for me but the security guy at the door grabbed him as he tried to leave.

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Oh well. I thought that was a very sweet gesture of him.

Sonny, I don’t want handbags no more. I want your BABIES!!!!!!

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080606_promoWe’re talking about stickers you fool, not clothes or accessories! Hahahaha! I’m not *THAT* generous. Besides, after years of constantly being used by many, many people for all sorts of things, I think I already learned my lesson. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Anyway… so yeah.

I’ve kept my silence recently about those I LOVE BRYANBOY stickers mainly because I’m still working on a plan on how to properly use them to my advantage. I mean, I’ve been handing out stickers to a few folks here and there but a shitload of people are now bombarding me with emails, calls and text messages asking where they can get them.

Now that I’ve crafted a plan, I’m gonna give them out with a bang!

For a limited time, the I LOVE BRYANBOY stickers are gonna be FREE. Yes, you read that right. 

F-R-E-E! Under one condition…

You see, I’m on a mission to spread my brown-assed third world faggotry to the rest of the planet. Hello WORLD DOMINATION!

080606_euniceThese stickers are free to people who reside OUTSIDE this god-forsaken cesspit of the third world that I love and consider home, namely the land of the brown, l’exotique and the natives aka Las Islas Filipinas.

If you live in the Philippines, Singapore, Canada, Australia (as of August 8, 2006 4:43AM) and United States of America (as of August 9, 2006, 9:30AM) you WON’T be able to get these stickers for free. Why should Miss Eunice, my favourite lesbian bimbo of a helper/best friend should make the effort to lick the back of Filipiniana philately only to send them within the Philippines? It’s not worth it you know. HAHAHA!

If you’re in the third world and you must get your hands on these stickers, you can get my little sticky sheets at:

Irene’s Closet
Independent Lifestyles Section
2nd Level of Powerplant Mall
Rockwell, Makati City

These stickers cost P50 pesos each. They’re made out of vinyl and they’re guaranteed to last for a long… very long time. Go to Irene’s Closet and make me rich god dammit!

If you live outside the Philippines, these stickers are free for a very LIMITED time. I’m just working on the logistics. Once I have my online store running, I’m gonna sell them for US$5 EACH, postage included.

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STOP THE PRESS! STOP THE FUCKING PRESS!
Free Sticker Project
Last Updated: August 8, 2005 at 4:49AM Third World Time

Effective immediately, I will no longer offer free packets of stickers to people who reside in the following countries:

  • Philippines
  • Singapore
  • Canada
  • Australia

Note: I can no longer send free stickers to the countries named above because they already reached my allocated quota.

I will still send free sticker packets tho those of you out there who submitted your request BEFORE the cut-off period. Anyone who reside in the following countries and signed up for a free packet BEFORE I made this blog entry shall get their free sticker packet.

080806_ireneIf you would like to get your hands on my super super limited edition stickers, you may purchase my stickers for a mere US$7.49 plus $1.00 shipping and handling for a total of US$8.49 at Amazon.com. It’s fast, easy and secure. All you need to do is to have your credit card handy. It’s fast, secure and EASY. Anyone who purchased a sticker packet from Amazon.com is eligible to win a 60GB Apple Video iPod.

If you live in the Philippines, you may purchase my stickers for P50 each at Irene’s Closet, Independent Lifestyles Section, Powerplant Mall, Rockwell, Makati City.

If you live in Singapore, Canada or Australia, you may purchase my stickers at Amazon.com for US$8.49, shipping and handling included. Buy these stickers while they’re cheap! I plan on selling them for US$5 each in the near future. Please allow anywhere between 1-2 weeks for delivery.

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If you live in countries other than the Philippines, Singapore, Canada or Australia, please scroll down the page and you’ll find the sign up form. Be sure to read terms and conditions before you submit your request.

Just for your reference, I’ve received enough free stickers requests from people in Singapore, Canada and Australia. I don’t wanna deplete my limited sticker stock to people who live in those countries. I’m aiming for diversity so the more places my sticker goes to, the better. I hope you understand the situation I’m coming from.

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Oh oh oh oh oh. Before I forget…

I also have this 60GB Apple Video ipod here.

*evil grin*

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Tell me you want that iPod.

Tell me you’re salivating just by looking at it.

Tell me you want to download a shitload of mp3s and save it on the iPod’s whopping 60 GIGABYTES of storage space.

Tell me you want to download gay porn on the internet, save it on the iPod and share it with all your faggot and fag hag friends while you’re all having lunch.

I’m willing to give this iPod, free of charge, to one lucky Bryanboy.com reader….

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more details to follow…

God I sound like a fucking infommercial. Let’s get down to business, shall we?

BY THE WAY, FEEL FREE TO SHARE THIS BLOG ENTRY TO EVERYONE THAT YOU KNOW!