Why does my ass have to be extremely big?
I’m too embarassed to post photos of my ass online but I’ll do so anyway because I have no sense of shame and I’m one heck of a fucking attention whore. You know I know that you know (confused? hah!) I’m only doing so that you’ll post silly comments like "you don’t really have a fat ass" when in reality, my ass is sooo fucking huge it belongs to a fucking hippopotamus.
The good thing is, my extremely obese batwings are getting smaller as each day comes. One more lipo session next week and I’m gonna be thin, thin, thin… I hope! *fingers crossed*
More camwhorage after the jump…
I love my new arms. I know they’re not stick-thin but we’re getting there!
Fine. My arms look a little too big and flabby on the above photo. Here’s another one. I know I’ve got an enormous ass so please shut your trap. The photo below is for ‘entertainment’ purposes only.
It’s funny how I was chatting to one of my "straight" friends and here’s what he’s got to say:
Simon : you have a girl’s ass
Bryanboy: i do??? wanna touch it? hahahahahahahha
Simon : i rather not
Bryanboy: hahahahahahahha! why, you like boys asses?
Bryanboy: since when did you become gay? fuckin bog
Simon : hahahhaa, soooo irrational
Bryanboy: what? take a pick. my ass or a boy’s ass?
Simon : hahaha
Simon : impossible to answer cause you are a boy
Bryanboy: but didn’t you just say i have a girl’s ass??
Simon : it looks like a girl’s ass, remi thinks that too
Bryanboy: so take a pick then. my ass or a boy’s ass?
Simon : nobodies ass
Bryanboy: hahahahahahah! fucking faggot. that’s what you are!
It’s hilarious how he avoided the whole ass topic and went straight to designer ipod cases. What a fuckin bög!
Yesterday’s quite fun. My familia de horreur had a craving for Chinese food so we popped by our usual haunt, Emeral Garden in Manila. I’m talking about real, real Manila, like, in front of the US Embassy Manila, Manila Bay, etc., that part of Manila.
We’ve been going to Emerald Garden for god knows how long. It’s a family favourite. Everything about that place is fantastic. It’s one of those "best kept secret" places that one can go to for great food and to feel at home. There’s nothing pretentious about that restaurant (come to think of it, I’m probably the MOST PRETENTIOUS person on the planet) – you can show up in house clothes, etc. It’s funny cause when people ask me some of my favourite restaurants in Manila, nobody I know seems to know or have heard of this place.
I brought one of my former friends to Emerald Garden ages ago and she was shocked. I guess she’s used to (or pretended she was used to haha I’m so mean) go to one of those "fancy schmancy" restaurants with "modern" decor which pretty much translated to "the-owner-went-to-a-restaurant-in-NYCLondonLosAngelesHongKong-and-they-decided-to-copy-everything-from-interiors-to-the-menus". I told her there’s nothing fancy about Emerald Garden except the service is good and the food is amazing. I was right. By the end of our meal, I was able to convert her into a fan!
I know nothing about food (except I’ll eat anything edible) so don’t expect me to write in great detail. Hahaha!
Y’all know how I’m desperate to be anorexic but it’s just not gonna work. I was bragging to everyone that all I’m having for dinner are friggin peanuts, some hot tea and green mango shake. Nothing else.
Then the hot and sour soup came. I told myself "hmm, it’s only soup, it can’t be fattening" so I went ahead and had some soup.
I quickly went outside the restaurant for a quick cigarette to fool my brain into thinking that I’m full.
When I came back inside, there was so much food on the table… I had no choice but to throw calorific caution to the winds and just fuckin DIG IN!
Mmmm, my favourite… scallops and broccoli…
… and beef brisket
… some fish. I have no clue what fish this is but it was crunchy and yummy with sweet and sour sauce.
Our table was overflowing with food. Our waiter had to clear our table several times it was insane! They also ordered all sorts of stuff that I had no clue about, like pork, veggies, etc, whatever. The ones I mentioned are the ones that I liked best.
By the time the crabs came, I was already pregnant from eating too much.
To hell with being full though. A little bit of crab won’t hurt and at this point, I don’t mind filling my entire digestive system to the point where I have food overflowing to my esophagus. I LOVE CRABS!
I’m telling you, the food is lovely at Emerald Garden that even Chinese people go there. It’s VERY affordable, too. The next time you’re in my side of the third world, be sure to pay them a visit. We’ve been going there regularly for YEARS. Unfortunately, I have no clue where the restaurant is located but if you search online you should be able to find it. It’s right across the US Embassy.
Today’s Obligatory Paparazzi Shot
I forgot a paparazzi shot but here’s a photo of what a Filipino hooker looks like. I took it on our way back home. I’m sure there are dirty old curious minds out there who want to know if Filipino hookers are pretty or not. Some are pretty, some are… well.. I don’t know what to say. Someone call those bloody feminists and rescue this person please.
Fine. THIS IS WHAT A *REAL* FILIPINO PROSTITUTE LOOKS LIKE. Sucky sucky 5 dolla me love you long time 10 dolla you pay 20 dolla I give free roast duck?
Shit, I need to get laid. SOON! Failing that, I need to be pretty!!!! I’m already starting to feel like a battered old tramp standing on one street corner who can’t get a single customer at the end of the night.
ARE YOU FUCKIN OUT OF YOUR MIND?
This message goes out to Naima, who wants me to get a "freaking whitening skin pronto".
I don’t even know my natural skin color anymore because of the amount of self-tanning products I use. I like being brown, thanks very much. WHITE IS NOT PRETTY. WHITE IS NEVER BEAUTIFUL — BROWN IS BEST. You must be completely out of your mind if you think pale is pretty. Here’s a photo of my Swedish friend Simon, who, after a trip to Spain, is still pale. He is so white he doesn’t turn brown after a couple of day’s worth under the sun.
Photo credit: Simon G (sorry sweetie but I have to use you as an example haha)
I don’t want to be pasty and chalky. Hello? There’s nothing attractive in looking like Mr. Pillsbury Dough Boy. Yuck!
Photo credit: some random kid who goes to Cornell College
Believe it or not, I don’t go under the sun that much anymore like when I was a child. Self-tanners are your best friend.
I make sure I buy self-tanners every several months so I don’t end up looking like a pale son of a bitch. Frankly, I’d rather have the color of a fuckin MEXICAN LUMBERJACK than give Casper, the friendly ghost, a run for his money.
Photo credit: Google.com – this photo came up when I searched for Casper the friendly ghost haha!
I repeat… WHITE IS NOT BEAUTIFUL. AT ALL. YUK YUK YUK YUK YUK!
I have nothing against people who use skin whitening products to even out their complexion and hide superficial imperfections — those products are fantastic if that’s what you want to achieve. But if you’re naturally dark and want to be white ala Wacko Jacko, I suggest that you take a fuckin trip to the shrink and get your head checked.
I’ll shut my trap for now.
I just realized that I shouldn’t be giving a litany about being happy with your own skin color when clearly I want to be darker, myself (without the aid of sun, of course). Sorry maggots, I’m a hypocrite. Hahaha! At least I have the balls to fuckin admit it, unlike some of you out there.
My god, Lance Bass is gay. He’s sooo gay, gay, gay! Does that boy really have to come out? It’s not as if nobody knew he likes to take it up the shitter. What-ev-er!
As always, you all know how to get hold of me. Email firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63.915.785.1492.
I love each and every one of you. I love you all. I really do.
I’m gonna try to finish my article. My editor is gonna shoot me in the foot and my deadline was 3 fucking days ago! I’m soo unprofessional it’s not even funny.
PPSS. Have you seen the Marc by Marc Jacobs Veruka bag? They’re sooo cute! I went to eLuxury and they have the pink one. Mrs. T went to Hong Kong recently and got the blue one!!! It’s lovely!!!
Photo credit: TheBagHag
I don’t know about you but this moment calls for shopping!