Why does my ass have to be extremely big?, Emerald Garden, Whitening?!?!

Written By bryanboy

Why does my ass have to be extremely big?

I’m too embarassed to post photos of my ass online but I’ll do so anyway because I have no sense of shame and I’m one heck of a fucking attention whore. You know I know that you know (confused? hah!) I’m only doing so that you’ll post silly comments like "you don’t really have a fat ass" when in reality, my ass is sooo fucking huge it belongs to a fucking hippopotamus.


The good thing is, my extremely obese batwings are getting smaller as each day comes. One more lipo session next week and I’m gonna be thin, thin, thin… I hope! *fingers crossed*

More camwhorage after the jump…

I love my new arms. I know they’re not stick-thin but we’re getting there!


Fine. My arms look a little too big and flabby on the above photo. Here’s another one. I know I’ve got an enormous ass so please shut your trap. The photo below is for ‘entertainment’ purposes only.


It’s funny how I was chatting to one of my "straight" friends and here’s what he’s got to say:

Simon : you have a girl’s ass
Bryanboy: i do??? wanna touch it? hahahahahahahha
Simon : i rather not
Bryanboy: hahahahahahahha! why, you like boys asses?
Bryanboy: since when did you become gay? fuckin bog
Simon : hahahhaa, soooo irrational
Bryanboy: what? take a pick. my ass or a boy’s ass?
Simon : hahaha
Simon : impossible to answer cause you are a boy
Bryanboy: but didn’t you just say i have a girl’s ass??
Simon : it looks like a girl’s ass, remi thinks that too
Bryanboy: so take a pick then. my ass or a boy’s ass?
Simon : nobodies ass
Bryanboy: hahahahahahah! fucking faggot. that’s what you are!

It’s hilarious how he avoided the whole ass topic and went straight to designer ipod cases. What a fuckin bög!

Emerald Garden

Yesterday’s quite fun. My familia de horreur had a craving for Chinese food so we popped by our usual haunt, Emeral Garden in Manila. I’m talking about real, real Manila, like, in front of the US Embassy Manila, Manila Bay, etc., that part of Manila.


We’ve been going to Emerald Garden for god knows how long. It’s a family favourite. Everything about that place is fantastic. It’s one of those "best kept secret" places that one can go to for great food and to feel at home. There’s nothing pretentious about that restaurant (come to think of it, I’m probably the MOST PRETENTIOUS person on the planet) – you can show up in house clothes, etc. It’s funny cause when people ask me some of my favourite restaurants in Manila, nobody I know seems to know or have heard of this place.



I brought one of my former friends to Emerald Garden ages ago and she was shocked. I guess she’s used to (or pretended she was used to haha I’m so mean) go to one of those "fancy schmancy" restaurants with "modern" decor which pretty much translated to "the-owner-went-to-a-restaurant-in-NYCLondonLosAngelesHongKong-and-they-decided-to-copy-everything-from-interiors-to-the-menus". I told her there’s nothing fancy about Emerald Garden except the service is good and the food is amazing. I was right. By the end of our meal, I was able to convert her into a fan!


I know nothing about food (except I’ll eat anything edible) so don’t expect me to write in great detail. Hahaha!

Y’all know how I’m desperate to be anorexic but it’s just not gonna work. I was bragging to everyone that all I’m having for dinner are friggin peanuts, some hot tea and green mango shake. Nothing else.


Then the hot and sour soup came. I told myself "hmm, it’s only soup, it can’t be fattening" so I went ahead and had some soup.


I quickly went outside the restaurant for a quick cigarette to fool my brain into thinking that I’m full.


When I came back inside, there was so much food on the table… I had no choice but to throw calorific caution to the winds and just fuckin DIG IN!


Mmmm, my favourite… scallops and broccoli…


… and beef brisket


… some fish. I have no clue what fish this is but it was crunchy and yummy with sweet and sour sauce.


Our table was overflowing with food. Our waiter had to clear our table several times it was insane! They also ordered all sorts of stuff that I had no clue about, like pork, veggies, etc, whatever. The ones I mentioned are the ones that I liked best.


By the time the crabs came, I was already pregnant from eating too much.

To hell with being full though. A little bit of crab won’t hurt and at this point, I don’t mind filling my entire digestive system to the point where I have food overflowing to my esophagus. I LOVE CRABS!


I’m telling you, the food is lovely at Emerald Garden that even Chinese people go there. It’s VERY affordable, too. The next time you’re in my side of the third world, be sure to pay them a visit. We’ve been going there regularly for YEARS. Unfortunately, I have no clue where the restaurant is located but if you search online you should be able to find it. It’s right across the US Embassy.

Today’s Obligatory Paparazzi Shot

I forgot a paparazzi shot but here’s a photo of what a Filipino hooker looks like. I took it on our way back home. I’m sure there are dirty old curious minds out there who want to know if Filipino hookers are pretty or not. Some are pretty, some are… well.. I don’t know what to say. Someone call those bloody feminists and rescue this person please.


Fine. THIS IS WHAT A *REAL* FILIPINO PROSTITUTE LOOKS LIKE. Sucky sucky 5 dolla me love you long time 10 dolla you pay 20 dolla I give free roast duck?


Shit, I need to get laid. SOON! Failing that, I need to be pretty!!!! I’m already starting to feel like a battered old tramp standing on one street corner who can’t get a single customer at the end of the night.



This message goes out to Naima, who wants me to get a "freaking whitening skin pronto".

I don’t even know my natural skin color anymore because of the amount of self-tanning products I use. I like being brown, thanks very much. WHITE IS NOT PRETTY. WHITE IS NEVER BEAUTIFUL — BROWN IS BEST. You must be completely out of your mind if you think pale is pretty. Here’s a photo of my Swedish friend Simon, who, after a trip to Spain, is still pale. He is so white he doesn’t turn brown after a couple of day’s worth under the sun.

Photo credit: Simon G (sorry sweetie but I have to use you as an example haha)

I don’t want to be pasty and chalky. Hello? There’s nothing attractive in looking like Mr. Pillsbury Dough Boy. Yuck!

Photo credit: some random kid who goes to Cornell College

Believe it or not, I don’t go under the sun that much anymore like when I was a child. Self-tanners are your best friend.


I make sure I buy self-tanners every several months so I don’t end up looking like a pale son of a bitch. Frankly, I’d rather have the color of a fuckin MEXICAN LUMBERJACK than give Casper, the friendly ghost, a run for his money.

Photo credit: Google.com – this photo came up when I searched for Casper the friendly ghost haha!


I have nothing against people who use skin whitening products to even out their complexion and hide superficial imperfections — those products are fantastic if that’s what you want to achieve. But if you’re naturally dark and want to be white ala Wacko Jacko, I suggest that you take a fuckin trip to the shrink and get your head checked.

I’ll shut my trap for now.

I just realized that I shouldn’t be giving a litany about being happy with your own skin color when clearly I want to be darker, myself (without the aid of sun, of course). Sorry maggots, I’m a hypocrite. Hahaha! At least I have the balls to fuckin admit it, unlike some of you out there.

My god, Lance Bass is gay. He’s sooo gay, gay, gay! Does that boy really have to come out? It’s not as if nobody knew he likes to take it up the shitter. What-ev-er!

As always, you all know how to get hold of me. Email bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS +63.915.785.1492.

I love each and every one of you. I love you all. I really do.

I’m gonna try to finish my article. My editor is gonna shoot me in the foot and my deadline was 3 fucking days ago! I’m soo unprofessional it’s not even funny.


PS. Discuss this blog post on my Online Discussion Forum.

PPSS. Have you seen the Marc by Marc Jacobs Veruka bag? They’re sooo cute! I went to eLuxury and they have the pink one. Mrs. T went to Hong Kong recently and got the blue one!!! It’s lovely!!!

Photo credit: TheBagHag


I don’t know about you but this moment calls for shopping!


  1. anonym

    why are you always carrying a ladies purse you asian faggot? you are living proof that all asians are effiminated queers

  2. “MEXICAN LUMBERJACK”- haha, ah BB, you make me put up w/ my existence so much better…
    Boy, you’ve got a really cute ass. Seriously, next time post some pics of it with no pants on!!!!!!!!!

  3. the food looks amazing..im on a diet you see… hate the smell of self tanners…but love the tan!

  4. Saovany

    For your ass looking big… if you stopped posing that way, maybe it’d look less big. Learn to show more your front side than push your other side backward.

  5. Ok, ok, I’ll bite…Any thinner for you and your friend just needs to remove your arms from the pic with Photoshop and replace it with TWIGS!!
    EASY rite?

  6. You’re a friend of Hannah Cruz, right? I think you should check out her livejournal and help expose the biggest jerk in Metro Manila.. Will iam Devaughn needs some ass-kickin’.

  7. hey bryan, its ur hoping-to-be-your-friend again, id like to comment about ur first pic at the emerald, i admire you for your great skin but that pic was just awful! wrong shade of cosmetics i guess. and on the second one (you doing the peace sign), i dont know if you’d agree, but you look so butch that you look like Gerald santos (pinoy pop superstar winner) …hahaha.. but still i love you! btw, im planning on purchasing a bronzing powder, any brand suggestions? Fight against white (the skin i mean)!!! Faggots are alive and kicking!!!

  8. I’ve probably said this before, but I love Bryanboy’s ass!!

  9. the best way to lose weight is to keep off the dinner. i eat all i want for breakfast and lunch, skip the dinner, and i’ve lost like 4 kg in 2+ weeks. it works, dude!

  10. Navbar

    Fuck, that prosti/pokpok is thinner and far more glamorous than u are…That is how low you have become!

  11. i honestly cannot think of an ass i’d rather spend quality time with. bryanboy, you are so perfect, it makes my dick jump right out of my pants every time i see you!

  12. whitesoda

    white can be hot… white-hot. your swede simon g is hot, much hotter than you!

  13. agentm

    it appears that you’re about to do the otso-otso dance (first pic). looks cute though

  14. i love the food at emerald garden too :D and i love your ass. :P

  15. Hey. Love your bag site and love your pics. Don’t think you need to lose weight. You look great:)

  16. hycee saatchi

    oh, emerald garden is simply the best chinese restaurant my side of manila. it’s like the best kept secret yet a lot of people actually go there that they built another emerald garden beside the original one… chinese food is just soooooo goood…. *hmmmmm* *mouth watering already…* ciao, bb…

  17. mariko

    what happened to your blog? this used to be about shopping, shopping, shopping! now it’s all about food, food, food! bryanboy, it’s time to abuse your credit cards! are you getting poorer? just admit it, we’ll understand.

  18. Ok, now this is Gross.
    This is the question Bryan…¿DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN A MIRROR ONCE IN A WHILE?
    If you do then you can see that your SKIN is alomst black NATURALLY so why do you use tanners??? Do you like to be BLACK completely? or something like that? NOW, you’re out of your mind.
    For other hand, your lovely friend “SIMON” is 10000 times HOTTER that you are, look at his cute white legs, and imagine how looks his ASS…. so why are you saying that Blown is best? No, is not. is cuter a GERMAN GUY or a AFRICAN GUY? I’m a girl and I can see that from far.
    YEah, you’ll be fine in latin-america, even in the Philipines (or something like that), in poor zones, of course, But in EUROPE AND USA you’ll be BAD, everyone will see you like a poor imigrant who is looking for a JOB!!! Omg! I wanna cry! You’re so lame and Ugly, WAKE UP!
    By the way, tell simon that he’s soooooo HOT.

  19. Emerald Garden! That’s one of family’s favorite restaurants. Excellent food and no one cares if someone is completely pigging out because EVERYONE ELSE is doing the same thing. ^_^ It’s along Roxas Boulevard! Really easy to find.

  20. Hey Bryan your blog is hilarious! I love it it’s like an addiction really!
    Btw why is there a lovely video of you showing your room and your bathroom and all your fabulous clothes and bags and I can’t find it here in your blog! Please do post it so everyone can see it!
    Love Emi

  21. sillyqitty

    hey BB, ive been to emerald garden. when i went there i thought it was kinda rowdy with REAL chinese people..but yeah, the food’s great. and HUGE servings. massive!!!

  22. Why do so many freaks come and post shit on this site?
    Take for example, the Hitler wannabe a few posts down.
    Admit you love BB’s hot ass or get off his site!


    Hi Bryan! I used to see u a lot at the Embassy with Hannah, well, not quite, OUTSIDE the Embassy proper. What happened to her? seem to glorify you and hannah, do u have anything to do with this site? Looks like one of your mischievous tricks to get noticed, huh?!

  24. Redstallyun

    BROWN is the thing to be you pale fucks! Apparently like 85% of pale fucks WANT to be darker, with all the tanning booths and self tanners. No one wants a pasty ass! Then again, I am Black, so I’m certainly biased. Different shades of brown are beautiful, while white is just that- white.

  25. CleverGirl

    Hon, I know you don’t wanna hear this but you’re not fucking fat ok? Alright, you could stand to lose maybe 5 pounds to achieve that Nicole Richie/Vogue perfection but that’s it! As far as white not being right, I couldn’t agree more. Pasty people should be rounded up and forced to apply self tanner.

  26. Hey Bryanboy have you heard?! Michael K in his Dlisted blog named you Hot Slut of The Day for July 27th!!! That’s Hott!!! Check it out: http://dlisted.blogspot.com/ you’ll need to scroll down a bit and be quick. Cheers slut!!! :-)

  27. Donut-ella

    Hi BB. Your “Hot Slut of the Day” in Dlisted.com. Read the comments they’re hilarious!!! Keep the Faggotry alive. Baboosh.

  28. eeeee bryanboy you hot bitch! youre dlisted’s hot slut of the day!! see where an extra bit of junk in the trunk can take you? :)


  30. to naima:
    get a life.
    and teach yourself english. your grammar’s horrible.

  31. diniana

    i love you i love you i love you even more!!!
    its the express yourself don’t impress yourself thing that i absolutheley adore…

  32. joey brillantes

    i loooooooooove emerald garden, too! more POWER to you, bryanboy!

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