I Wear My Sunglasses At Night (and Today's Youth)

Written By bryanboy

I Wear My Sunglasses At Night

*sings*

Even though the guys are crazy, even though the stars are blind, if you show me real love baby, I’ll show you miiiiiiine. I can make it nice and naughty, meet the devil and angel too, gotta heart, soul and body, let’s see what this love can doooooo… maybe I’m perfect for youuuuuuu!

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(Shirt by Kenneth Cole, sunglasses by Dior, jeans by Acne Jeans (Sweden), bracelets from Christian Dior and Hermès, belt from Hermès, shoes from Chanel, bag from Mulberry)

It’s been 2 days and I still have that stupid song on autorepeat. Ugh!

I went out yesterday night… the first time I went out on a Wednesday in the lonnnngesssst time.

One of my friends, Gareth, the English guy behind one of Malaysia’s top blogs (www.shaolintiger.com) is here in Manila on business. It’s been a year since he last went here and we thought it would be nice to meet up once again and give him a little taste of third world debauchery. He’s a really nice and friendly guy and I hope he had fun in spite of my awful (or should I say non-existent) hosting skills.

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Our night started early. It’s funny how I invited him for dinner at 7 (my fave Italian restaurant in Manila, L’Opera) but being the perennial late cunt that I am, I got to his hotel at around 8:30PM. I felt terrible and rude for being late. I guess it’s a very Filipino trait to be late… but hey, when in Rome do what the Romans do and let them eat cake. I’m kidding. I literally had NOTHING to wear!!! It took me hours just to get dressed. I had to go through some of my old (yet unused) clothes. I found a striped shirt from Kenneth Cole (don’t ask) that I bought a few months ago.

I also invited 2 other friends to join us. One couldn’t make it. I think it has something to do with the weather. It wasn’t particularly raining yesterday (unlike last weekend when I wore white and still looked smashing) but you can tell that summer, at least in this part of the planet, is definitely over and the wind is blowing towards a different direction.

Anyway, I ate sooo much it wasn’t funny at all. I could barely breathe with all the food I ate. I had my usual salmon followed by good ol’ spaghetti. The three of us (Gareth, moi and a friend) skipped dessert.

Après dinner we went to Cuisine at La Embajada for cocktails.

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Cuisine was absolutely surreal. The place was packed with a shitload of young people. I’ve never felt sooo old in my life and to think, I’m only 17! Last night was daycare central… we couldn’t help but wonder where the adults, grown-ups and all the old fixtures had gone.

I had so much fun though. My nonsexual wife, Hannah (who I swapped spit and had a lesbian lip-locking session at the end of the night for the umpteenth time), and all her lesbian orgy lovers, designer purses and all, were there.

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It’s absolutely hilarious how I met one of Hannah’s best buds, Janthina, for the first time.

Me: (pointing to some random skank whose back and bag was facing me) "Hannah, look at that bitch in tights. She’s got my dream bag! She’s got the pink Chanel I’ve been lusting for ages! I hate her. Who is that asshole and why does she have my Nicky Hilton bag?"

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Hannah: "Gago si Janthina yan!" (Stupid, that’s Janthina!)

Me: "Janthinnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

We exchanged our OMGs like hyperventilating 5 year olds on amphetamines and camwhored till my crotch got sweaty. Photo below courtesy of Janthina Fong, who I like to say "owns half of Hong Kong".

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Hannah even introduced me to a bunch of lovely gals who read my blog religiously. Hay girls!!!!! I love each and every one of you. Thanks for making my balls sweat last night. Spread my glory and my gospel to everyone that you know. :)

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See.. I don’t bite. Say hi, don’t be shy!

One of them even got her boyfriend buy her a Fendi Spy bag because of me. I’m SOOOOO glad I’m able to influence today’s youth. According to my (ongoing) survey, over 75% of my readers possess a vagina of some sort. I love girls. I really do. Now if only y’all got a huge penis then I’d be one happy mother fucker for life.

LONG LIVE CONSPICUOUS CONSUMPTION. LONG LIVE CONSUMER CULTURE. LONG LIVE FAGGOTRY… Y’ALL BETTER KEEP IT ALIVE YA MAGGOTS!

O RLY? hahahahaha!

Moving on…. the look on Harvey’s face: priceless…

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… and I didn’t marry this woman for nothing.

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See what I mean?

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Hannah Matronic you’re such a fuckin faggot.

Some things are better left unsaid but I just have to ask if it’s really true that this guy has a big dick. I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist. People were going gaga over him last night.

I mean, I’m just curious, that’s all. It’s always fun to talk about guys’ dick sizes. Especially guys you don’t know. Ok… there are other guys who are hotter than him and I’m sure this guy is nice but seriously, ALL I WANNA KNOW IS WHETHER HE’S WELL-HUNG OR NOT.

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Oh dear lord. Satan please save me. I don’t wanna get beaten up or get whacked for plastering his face on my blog. Now if it’s rape we’re talking about….. willing sluts like me (who are currently undergoing a dry spell) wouldn’t mind. At this point, I’ll even take it from anyone. Rich, po’, young, old, thin, fat, black, white, brown, yellow, red, it doesn’t even matter at all. Desperate times, desperate measures.

So there you have it… the youth of today are bad… really bad.

It’s amazing how I managed to get home a little after 4AM. I had an early night because I made a personal pact that I will be home before sunrise. No more afterparties that last till 3 o’clock in the fuckin afternoon.

I know I’m gonna get struck by lightning for saying this but I dropped by KFC on my way home (I’ve never been to KFC in MONTHS… even YEARS…. god knows the last time I went there) and bought this ginormous bucket of fried chicken (8 pieces), 3 plastic cups of gravy and 2 cups of mashed potatoes.

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I devoured the entire thing right before going to bed.

Fuck my "Dying to be Thin" diet. It will never make it to the New York Times Bestseller’s List anyway.

Fat is the new black.

I know I’m going to hell anyway so why not take a first class ticket instead?

I love you all! Email bryan@bryanboy.com or SMS +63.915.785.1492.

Baboosh_3

PS. Discuss this blog post here.

37 Comments

  1. gheaghea

    on hannah’s lj is will devaughn’s picture. in it, he is wearing the same striped shirt you have on. hmmm, you’re butch, lil miss cunt… or baka will devaughn is a flaming fag???
    anyway, paris’ song is ok…but she still sucks major monkey balls.
    i heart you, bryanboy.

  2. hey bryanboy.
    singapore wants to shout out that WE ARE INLOVE WITH YOU.
    come here and lets have hot sex. LOL.
    when i go back to manila, i’ll follow u like a groupie. HAHA.
    bryanboy, i worship you

  3. Hannah, Always.

    UGH WHY IS MY STOMACH SO BIG!!!
    IT ISN’T THAT BIG WHEN I’M SOBER I SWEAR!!!

  4. andrea

    ahhh. okay so i dont know whats wrong with the rest of you but i love paris’ new songg! anywaseeeim so sad u went to kfccc.hahahah oh welll. and WOOOOOWWW FUCKIN EEEE i did not know you were 17. like are you sure you counted right? or is that a joke? Im so confused. are you actuallyy 17! if you are you’re my hero and want to be as big and populer as you when your 17.
    toodles

  5. hey isnt that mike jung-“something”? i dont know his last name but is jung-something.

  6. I dont understand why you eat so much nasty junk food…alll the time…you always say you never eat it but thats all you eat….Why do you even bother pretending your on a diet?
    P.S. This comes from someone who loves your faggotry and website and visits daily.Not a blog troll.

  7. bryan boy…are you really filthy rich?what’s your business?or do you have something to brag other than you clothes and bags?i want to see your cars or you mansion if your really true…

  8. bryan boy…are you really filthy rich?what’s your business?or do you have something to brag other than you clothes and bags?i want to see your cars or you mansion if your really true…post some pics bryan boy…

  9. hannah

    oh my god, that is so much food! like, i dont eat that much during an entire day, how do you stay so skinny you motherfucker?!

  10. Joanne

    “Fat is the new black”? I love it.
    The really funny part is that when I came to this page there were some guys sitting across the dorm lounge from me listening to a song that sampled “Sunglasses at Night.” Love that song… check out the new mix by Federation (a rap group from the Bay).

  11. I think he would be murdered if he showed where his house is…
    They are not very accepting of his gay attitude there…
    Wondering if his driver want to kidnap him for ransom….

  12. Landon

    I have a feeling u smoke weed at these parties cuz u always buy food afterwards and weed does that to u.

  13. OMG. purge, darling, purge.
    Throw it all up.
    God, what were you thinking?
    KFC?!

  14. “Fat is the new Black???” WTF was that about? you think you’re fuckin Oprah?! That just aint right ‘darlin’ your too fab’oh! (yeah! ass kissing i know you fuckin like it) I hope after you pigged out you channeled out your inner Paula *hurl* Abdul… or I might start calling you “Chic(k)let” a shabby blend of the “Chic” and “Elite” … nah!
    your still my ‘thinspiration’ bitch
    I <3 Bryanboy

  15. Who cares how much you ate GAYSTER! Did you ever find out if that guy was HUNG??? Don’t keep a girl waiting. Hehehe! What do you consider hung in the third world anyway? Anything longer than 3.5 inches? JOKING! Anyway, answer please….

  16. Sheri

    bryanboy! noooo don’t stop the dying to be thin diet! lol. you know you don’t want to. kfc = bad! watermelon = good and skinny! but you know, whatever you do, i will still fucking love you either way.

  17. hey bryaaaaaaaaaaan!
    Love your recent entry, totally laughable!
    You already know who this is, so I shouldn’t comment a long long comment.
    Please can add me to msn finally ^^”? dakoath@hotmail.com
    I’ve been waiting like forever, I’d love to pop up and say hi once and a while!
    love yu
    Dakota oxoxoxoxoxox
    http://tekoda.wordpress.com
    haha i did some updated to my page too.

  18. EWWW my fat arm!!! haha anyway, mike jungschlager forever!! haha he is going to DIE when he sees this. just remember what i told you that night :) hahaha and he has a cute butt. aww old friends from the good/bad old days. he’s part dutch..and you know how er, tall they are over at the low countries.
    and where did you get that “owns half of hong kong”, anyway? haha from S.H.?? hahahaha
    p.s. stop eating. we are all fat enough as it is. a bucket of fried chicken, SHAME!!!

  19. bianx

    OMG!!! throw up, throw up, throw up!!! How I envy you…, if ever i eat that much in a day.. id be as wide as the revolving doors at shagri-la mall!

  20. its actually:
    Eventhough the gods are crazy even all the stars are blind. if you show me real love baby ill show you mine.. i can make you nice and naughty be the devil and angel too. got a heart and soul and body lets see what this love can do…

  21. Love your Mulberry and your shirt. Great combo, Bryanboy!
    Love ya!

  22. prettyinpink

    ey i know those people their my schoolmates and um “janthina’s” bro is my classmate! michael fong right?

  23. bryanboy, ’tis true! you ARE the gayest gay that ever gayed!
    gay on, my friend, gay on.
    xxoo

  24. i love your entries..
    can you tell more about hannah..
    i’m intrigued.. lol..

  25. oh my god. yes mike jung-watever is HUNG! I’ve seen him change at the gym locker. And I’d like to make it clear that I wasn’t even trying to look at it. He just pulled his shorts down and it just grabbed hold of my peripheral vision eventually pulling my entire head and I was hypnotized at the sight of his dangling appendage. It was that BIG.
    *not trying to look at it
    HAHAHAHA!!! hay nako who am i kidding?

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