A Memorable Night

Written By bryanboy

A Memorable Night

7:11Am and I just got home about an hour ago. I’ve been indulging on asparagus soup, ham sandwich and spring rolls.. at this time of the day! Gotta love Eunice and the cook. Hah!

Man, what a night I had.

My damn camera’s fucked up… I totally forgot to charge my batteries hence the lack of photos. Nevertheless, a shitload of people asked to take photos of me (I love each and every one of you, my dear readers) so I hope they’d email me a copy soon. *hint hint*. HELLO BITCHES! hahahaha

I’m glad I went out tonight. Seriously. I won’t get into any specifics but tonight’s been very bittersweet. I was genuinely happy I’ve patched things up with people from my not-so-long past… It’s refreshing to see how a lot of people have changed. Some people were the same, some were completely different. Nevertheless, the most important thing is that I (hopefully) clarified things with people I previously had disagreements and misunderstandings with… yaddi yaddi yadda.

The sad part is, I think I might have lost someone really close to me.  Someone I really love to bits. It’s completely my fault though. It’s not the first time that I’ve been told that I give people a bad reputation simply because they’re associating themselves with me. Isn’t it sad? However, that’s not really the core problem/case.

I’ve been told, not once, not twice, but probably a couple of times that I turn into this completely different person whenever I’m in a "group" of people. I tend to embarass the people "I’m with" (again, in a group), especially when I’m drunk, and apparently, I deliberately go on a "mission to lose the few people who have given me the chance" (i.e. the very few people who decide to hang out with me).

Let’s face it. In this shithole of the third world, nobody really wants to hang out with me. I have the worst reputation ever. Half of the people who make the effort to talk to me would rather hang out with me in private where nobody can see us and half of the people who do hang out with me are genuine, nice-hearted people but I somehow, one way or another, tend to UNCONCIOUSLY trash them.

Someone really close to me sent me a message earlier on how he/she got "a lot of flak by associating him/herself with me". In all honesty, I wasn’t surprised by a single bit. I’ve heard this sooo many times and it wasn’t anything new. I did, however, expressed my apologies though. He/she was a good friend and I admire him/her for sticking up for me. Let’s face it, it’s extremely rare for someone to put up with all the bullshit that I have in my life. It takes balls… and attitude… for someone to actually sacrifice their reputations just to be my "friend".

It’s sad really, but it’s the truth. 

For instance, I tried to talk to someone whom I had a major fight about 6 months ago. I said hi last night and guess what she told me: "FUCK YOU. GO TO YOUR FRIENDS!" and she left me hanging there whilst she walked away.

Another example was sometime last year when I went to Hong Kong to meet up a guy I chatted to for quite a little while. Ok, perhaps not a long time but still. He showed me around one night to a couple of bars, clubs and introduced me to some of his friends. I had a blast at the end of the night and genuinely thanked him for his hospitality. I’ve never had so much fun in his area before.

I thought everything was fine until fast forward a few months later, on an internet forum, here’s what he said about me.

"I may not know him but I have met him and, unfortunately for them, introduced him to a few of my friends. One he slapped, the other he insulted verbally within 5 seconds of meeting them. Damage limitation by moving him to another bar did not help as it entailed walking a block up a hill. Once in there he proceeded by nearly getting me barred from a place I’d used for two years and got on well with the manager by insisting he flicked ash in the bars ice sink."

Ouch, right? And to think, I wasn’t AWARE that’s what happened. I thought I REALLY had a blast yet.. that was his version of the story.

The funny part is, this backstabbing wench even had the balls to email me a couple of months later asking me to promote his little art/gallery website since he’s moved from HK to another country. Absolutely hilarious.

Anyhooooooo.. am I the most insensitive, carefree person in the world?

I don’t know.

I *DO* make the effort to put on my best. I am, by no means, perfect, but I try to be as decent as I possibly can. I don’t want to be one of those people who are absolutely "contrived" and watch every single move they make and/or say. It’s just NOT ME!

Anywhow, I guess it would be fair to come into the conclusion that maybe… just maybe… I’m really destined to be a loner. I’ve always been one since I was a child and I wouldn’t be surprised if it happens to me whilst I’m an adult.

Let’s face it: for the past few years, I’ve "hopped" from one "crowd" to another…. a separate groupd of "friends" here, a new "group" of friends there. A shitload of people, I’m telling you…. but… I’m not the type who’s got a "REAL" best friend from "day 1". I don’t even have childhood friends at all. It’s a sad fact, really, but in reality, I *DO NOT HAVE* a "best friend" that I could call, talk, or whatever about my day-to-day problems. I always tell people who I come across with… "shit man, you’re so lucky to have the friends that you have now. I don’t!".

I guess that’s how life is. Some people are blessed of having fantastic, flawless relationships (and friendships) with people, whereas some, like me, are cursed, without NONE.

How many of you have a "REAL" "REAL" best friend? I bet most of you have one whereas I, on the other hand, have NONE.

Whatever. The most I could do at this point is make the effort to change myself for the better. One can only change themselves to a certain extent.

Bah! I’m gonna finish my soup and go to bed. To those of you in the third world who went to the Preview Magazine party and took FUGLY pictures of me, please, I’m begging you to email pictures of myself at bryanboy@gmail.com.

Shit, I wore a Galliano jacket, Viktor jeans (oh yeah, metallic), my 5-inch Lanvin shoes, Bernard Wilhelm top yaddi yaddi yadda.

As always, you know how to get a hold of me. Email bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS +63.915.785.1492.

I love you all.


PS. Discuss this blog post on my Online Discussion Forum.


  1. Lolita

    I can so relate to this post! I don’t have a “real” best friend. My real best friend as of now is my pen pal. For most of my life friends have come and go. It’s sad fact of life. Right now I’m looking for new friends…since I’m with out them because my last batch of friends and I have a large row.

  2. joyeeta

    usually i read ur posts and cringe at your ‘i am sooooo great’ attitude.
    but wow.
    i genuinely feel sorry for u.
    i am so impressed u admitted that its u alot of the times and not them.
    that took a lot of guts and humility.
    try to be ur self instead of being so OTT.
    or maybe thats just u. if thats the case, i hope u find someone who likes u the way u r. it’ll be a hard find because nobody likes being upstaged.
    the person who got a lot of flak, it was hannah wasnt it?
    this has been one of my favourite posts.
    bryanboy: real with a not so fabuleux life. becuase lets face it, whats the point of life without having people close to you to enjoy it with?

  3. How many of you have a “REAL” “REAL” best friend? I bet most of you have one whereas I, on the other hand, have NONE
    I so feel you, Bryanboy.
    Some have 3 4 5 6 bestfriends. And I have none. I don’t even have friends. Hahahaha. How fucked up is my life?

  4. I’m sorry Bryan for the way you feel…
    But I do want to say that those of us who DO have real, meaningful, and deep friendships are not necessarily, in a sense, “blessed” with what we have; we genuinely work at obtaining these kind of relationships. From what you have described, it’s not that you do not try to build meaningful relationships, but simply that you, time & again, succumb to the influences of alcohol or the “party atmosphere”, which seem to make you feel immune or subconsciously give you somewhat of an excuse to be brash…
    Keep your head high though and don’t give up trying. Don’t foreclose yourself by saying you’re doomed for truly deep, meaningful relationship. If you really want it to work, you’ll make a true effort to. You already recognize the situations where you do tend to not act like normal self, the next step may be to be extra vigilant of your behavior in these situations, especially under the influence…
    I empathize with how lonely you must feel sometimes Bryan, but the truth is you do have people who love you and are genuinely glad for the fun you bring to their lives… :)

  5. I can really relate to this post.
    Except, it’s like when your little, you find it easy to make friends because they’re other people to play with, but it seems as when you get old you get less and less friends because either your or them find to many fault in eachother. It’s always been hard for me to find true friendships becuase ither people that “liked” me were total back stabbers, or they were jealous of my life style, I can’t help the fact that I’m bright, smart and successful, but people always try and dig you down for being who you are and not “following” the croud, I have a best friend, but the strangest thing is that,
    None of my friends are really my age.
    I always find it easier to mix with older people, maybe because when I was young I had to grow up fast so I could survive, I don’t know, many people have good virtue, and wisdom and are sincere and others are just backstabbing bitches who want to rob you of your sanity or the fact that you might be able to do something a incy wincy bit better than them.
    My close friendships always break because of my various talents, my far away friendships last longer because we have some kind of unbroken loving connection that can only be expressed with words.
    I sometimes feel like you,
    Lost and broken by society, because you either don’t realize the things you do, or say, or the way you act, many people think I’m a up my self snob, someone who is in the lime light constantly, or some people view me as self centred because I own a lot of beautiful things.
    You know bryan,
    When it comes down to it, the only people who you can truly be best life friends with are your family, no matter what you do to them, say or act, they will always love you for who you are, even if they act like they don’t they deep down do, don’t worry about having best friends, phone pals who want to talk to you, or thousands of bar buddies, just focus on the good side of your life, the good people who help you and sincerely love you, friends come by the dozen, you’ll meet people who you hate, and those that you love., but no matter what, you’ll always have the clarity and the sense in your self that you are worth being alive and you actually as not as bad as you think.
    Don’t let all that huu haa bug you, think about who truly loves you and cares for you,
    and you will see,
    that you are loved and have best friends :)
    big big smiley for you.
    : )
    Take care,
    Dakota oxoxoxoxox
    “If you would like to reply to me.,
    just e-mail me: dakoath@hotmail.com

  6. Cecilia Dean Gdorf

    I was right outside the Preview party just a few inches away from you. I would have so wanted to approach you to let you know that I read your blog everyday. Yes your outfit was fabulous, which could have gotten you a 2nd row seat at New York Fashion Week right beside Patrick Mcdonald sans the hat (look him up, I see him in you).
    About friends, it is hard to find the right one in this country, it is difficult since I too have circled around that same group that you have been around with. I know…all you wanted was to have cool people to party with and share the same whines with you…
    Unfortunately, if you know too much about them, they kick you out…and ban you mercilessly. That’s why you came out in Manila Bulletin. Not in Star. Not at the Inquirer. There’s too much politics in those two publications. What ever happened to the freedom of the press???!!!
    That happened to me too…I have hid for so long, and one day THE TRUTH WILL COME OUT. If you may have screamed at everyone (details edited), it was all in good fun, and I know everything you said about each of them was true, so why should they get mad at you?
    Now that more than a thousand people know who you are, or who you have chose to let people know who you are, it’s best to guard yourself, and choose those who stuck with you through and through…
    My oh my, you are only 17! Youve got a long way to go, Brian! Bite the bullet. I know you’ll make it. Ten years from now, that GGroup will be a sorry bag of old hags, and you will SMILE at them, and tell them, AIN’T THE TRUTH HURT?
    You’ve got people like us from behind the scenes who have your back covered. Don’t worry. Keep your head up, and keep writing!

  7. absurd

    gusto mo bestfriend? pwede ako!!! shit! i wish i’d known u in my childhood… 0_o
    lots of love from davao bryanbOy. mwah. @>~

  8. I can completely relate my best friends have kind of drifted away on in more of a paris hilton and nicole richie kind of way. And the other we both went to different schools and her boyfriend hates me. But i just kinda float around to. So i really know how u feel. And i can really relate to almost everything you wrote. I liked it it was really sincere and nice.

  9. It is not easy to find a friend,but dont give up you’ll find someone that will stick with you throught it all.Enjoy life and just be you.People may hate you cause of who you really are but the good thing is you never pretended of who you really are.Cheer up and keep the faggotry alive!

  10. Starshadow Rivaulx

    I’m a solitary person, myself. My head was always running on different tracks from the rest of my peer group. Geekgirl, that’s me, I suppose. ^__^
    Long story short – I don’t have many friends to speak of, either. Not the “Wind Beneath Your Wings” kind, anyway. The closest I have to a friend is my kumadre, but we hardly go out for “girl talk”, she’s busy with work and raising her daughter (single parent, she is). Most of my social interaction comes from my LiveJournal Friends Page, since I’m home most of the time.
    I don’t believe being solitary is such a bad thing, really. Once I got used to the idea that I wasn’t ever going to fit into any sort of social mould, it got easier for me to stay myself.
    Laying off some of the booze might be a good thing, too. After all, you wouldn’t want to have the results of all that drinking showing up in your body when you hit thirty…::grin::
    OK, end of homily! I go back to lurking now. Peace and be well!

  11. JonBenet

    Hell yeah. “Friends come and go but enemies stay with you forever!” is my motto.
    On the bright side, though, my 2nd anniversary with MY best friend pen pal is coming up and my second closest friend and I have known each other since freshman year. I may not have many friends right now but I least I HAVE SOME, I may have broken up with my best friend of all time and our group of pals, and my best friend may be across two state lines but at least MY BEST FRIEND EXISTS!

  12. Yeah… don’t beat yourself up. Friends come and go. I don’t have what you would call a “real” friend either, whom I could share anything with. Well, lately I’m starting to see that I have one, but still… it’s taken me a while to find somebody like that.
    Anyways, you seem like a sweet guy, and I’m sure you don’t mean anybody harm.
    PS. I like to travel alone too! I went to Paris recently. :)

  13. Oh Bryan!
    Reading this post made me so sad, if only because I can relate. I have this unfortunate habit of saying really insulting things that I don’t really mean when in social situations. It happens when I’m drunk because, well, I’m drunk, and it happens when I’m not drunk because I’m nervous about the habit itself so I end up saying stupid shit anyway! :( I haven’t lost friends or anything like that because the friends I do have are really understanding about my quirks, but I have given people who weren’t my real friends fodder for later verbal attacks. It’s mostly acquaintances who have a bad impression of me but I know it hurts my friends when their friends are offended. And of course, there are several people who I can never face again– I’m sort of sure that it’s water under the bridge, but I personally am so embarrassed by what I have done or said that I choose to avoid them. Sometimes I replay the situations over and over in my head and cringe and cringe and cringe all over again. I’ve had this problem for a while and as I get older, the cringe-worthy moments just increase exponentially. The worst incident by far was one wherein I was definitely certain that my behavior had cost my husband a job offer. I mean he got another one from a better place eventually, and really, who knows if it was actually my fault but regardless, my behavior was inappropriate in a networking type of environment.
    How sad it is that we unintentionally hurt people with our words, especially in the name of “having a good time.” I don’t know the details of your current situation but I do know how damaging it is to aliente people like so. It is bad enough when you hurt others, and even worse when you realize that the more permanent and lasting damage is to your own reputation and character. Hang in there. You aren’t alone.

  14. mark-tokyo

    So true… so true…
    the world is just full of fake people…
    anyway… like the search for true love…
    the search for true friends maybe much more difficult…. cheer up boy…

  15. Let me just say this Bryanboy, there are some people on this earth that are just so fucking hot that the rest of the world just can’t handle that shit. I think that you are just one of those people. I love your site and I read your posts all the time. You see to flaunt your money and clothes a lot, but it seems your just trying to fit in with people that are so not on your level. The only thing that you can possibly hope to do in this world is shake your shit and make them hoes mad. Rock your designer labels and make them hate you! Don’t worry about those silly people baby they just wanna be you. Much luv from this chick holdin down NC by way of VA!

  16. oh god. i totally know how it feels. my bestfriend, who is miles away is “drifting away.” we had a big argument/fight the other night and it’s been almost three days since we last talked to each other. it’s sooo sad. damn. he is the only person who knows everything about me, and now he’s gone. i fucked up and so did he. so much for a future companion.
    bryan, you should really start opening up to people and try having genuine friendships. it’s hard. you really have to be extra cautious, but you should take the risk. it’s good to have a more intimate outlet other than this blog. we love you. it’s nice for you to be able to talk about your problems though, despite the drama.

  17. Oh Bryan. How about Hannah or Eunice? I feel for you too (gosh– one of the many :)
    It’s a call for reinvention, maybe.
    (putting the superficial aside) your fans may look up to you even more– you’ve showed them a totally different side of you
    –non-brash sensitive et vulnerable.
    <3 ya ^_^

  18. for you to type all that…you really are something =) I still LOVE bryanboy…mahal ko bryanboy.com…and so as bryanboy.
    viva la third world =)

  19. Hang in there dude. Sorry to hear about the whole friends-loss thing =( Hope you find a good set of friends you can truly rely on. Even if that fails, you’ve always got Eunice =)

  20. Dr. Phil

    Personally, I think you’re a TOTAL HERO for pissing off the Gucci Gang. You did a service for the Filipino people. There are two classes of Filipinos the nation would be better without: politicians … and the Gucci Gang (with the exception of Tina Tino, she seems kinda cool).
    If it’s Hannah you’ve hurt, though, that is unforgiveable–and for me that would diminish the sparkle of your aura and your over-all coolness factor. Come on, fag hags as fabulous as Hannah don’t come along that easily. I’m sure there’s already a super long line of fags waiting to poach Hannah away from you. Please treat her with the consideration, respect, and kindness she deserves.

  21. this really is a sad post. i agree with joyeeta and cmw… friends aren’t just something that you have or don’t have… they’re people you maintain relationships with. if you were a genuinely nice person, you’d have many nice friends. it’s simple.
    also, about that “backstabbing wench”, it’s not about him being double-faced. if what he described was true, that you insulted your acquaintance’s friends and such, i would not be surprised at all that people refuse to associate themselves with you.
    unconsciously/drunk or not, if you’re trashing people all the time, i think it’s something in your own personality/attitude that you need to work on. good luck with that.

  22. wagner76

    You will grow up one day. control your alcohol intake. At least now you realize how sad your life is. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

  23. You know, surprisingly enough I completely understand how you feel. I don’t mean to repeat everything that everybody else has said, but I myself have been through the same things, probably not to the extent that you’ve been through them, but really, all due to the vulgarities strewing out of my foul mouth.
    I’m in boarding school in the UK, an all-girls school. It’s groupy, sloaney, and people are sensitive to criticism and sarcasm. Nobobody gets my morbid, witty, sarcastic sense of humour. People get easily offended, and sometimes I’m just too loud. I laugh a lot and get really hyper and then I just say the wrong thing. I’ve been with one loser group to the popular group to the people-who-think-they-are-cool-but-aren’t-group to the normal group back to the new popular group, and the list just goes on and on.
    Maybe I get sick of people. Maybe when people think I’m a nice person and want to get to know me, they get to know who I really am, then back off. Then rumours spread. Shit, I’m a bitch and I know it. But I can’t help it sometimes. It’s my way of dealing with things, bitching. I bitch on my xanga. I make rude, ignorant comments. Not only about their appearances, not just shallow things that don’t matter. I poke fun and insult their characters.
    And then they found my blog.
    Fair enough, the internet’s a small place, but you have to WANT to find my blog in order to find it. Countless people have accessed my blog via google searches. And the next day, I walked into chapel, and people glared at me. Some people walked up and said ‘Hey I read your blog it’s juicy keep it up!’ and some were like ‘You’re a bitch’. People I didn’t even know.
    I’ve previously had bad experiences with best friends, and I don’t believe in them. But one of my friends, is just as bitchy as I am, and let’s say that she’s one of my closer friends. She said ‘If I knew you were like that, I’d never have been your friend. You’re this person that I never knew existed, I feel like I never knew you. The person revelealed on your blog is such a contrast to your usual character, and I hate it. I hate you.’ Thing is, I never said anything about her, cause I didn’t have anything to say about her! I mean, I don’t know, but… I’ll get over it (:
    Be happy, and be yourself (:
    Take care and stay safe.

  24. That took a lot of courage (me thinks). Good on you, mate. Also, you don’t have to be so self-deprecating you know!
    I hope things can only get better.

  25. thegreenballoon

    Who needs friends when there is PRADA?
    YOU ARE NOT ALONE, I don’t have a REAL REAL best friend too. Humans are hard to trust. They get jealous if you do better than them, and despise you when you’re at your lowest…
    Anyways, i prefer Prada over friends!

  26. okay, seriously.. who the fuck doesn’t say some stupid things or get obnoxious sometimes? ESPECIALLY WHEN DRINKING.. whoever says they don’t is either a LIAR or really boring.. not to be corny, but if these people are really your friends they’ll look past it & accept you.
    the whole reason i love your blog and i like the kind of person you show people you are is because (obviously you’re le superstar fabuleux) you don’t watch what you say, you’re not boring, and you’re not scared to take risks. You’re the shit.
    Loves it :)

  27. Tiffany

    I’m so sorry to hear you’re feeling that way, but I can totally relate. Life just isn’t fair I guess. =(
    I don’t have a real best friend either, or many close friends for that matter. I only have school friends; we talk in school but never meet up outside of school..so yea. But I’m trying not to let it bother me though. I find it hard to trust people and many annoy me so its not good for me to be around them too often lol. I have learned alot about myself by spending time alone though.
    But anyways I think you’re a really nice person & ILU =]

  28. i think this is a first… bryanboy w/ no pictures… hmm… that sums up just about everything this post means… im sad too.

  29. this is probably my most favorite entry of yours…it’s so…revealing.
    and who would’ve thought i could ever relate to a person who lives life the way you do.

  30. well, “a friend to everybody is a friend to nobody” bryanboy. i think you should repent for your sins. Pleaase bryanboy, kiss that dog’s ass, the one with jesus in it. and ask for forgiveness. it’s never too late. you can also lick it if you want. but seriously, you make us all realize here(we’re a bunch of people here now reading your post)that you’re still a normal human being dealing with his own issues. but i’m sure those friends of yours do reaally care and wanted you to be their own best friend, if only you give each one of them your clothes and apparels. By the way, we find your sister cute.

  31. Kapeng mainit

    Here i am reading your blog again and missing my deadlines. This is your entry i like the most. Thank you for sharing. Really. i take back my ‘putanginamo’ i said on a previous post. yun lang.

  32. Florian

    Oh My Fucking Christ, you know what? I hate people, honestly, I only hang out with people who have your balls: Shameless, yet open and at least willing or even trying to be nice, your not perfect and I’m not as well. This is the world people! Fuck those people Bryan! Look I lost dozen of friends before and these were close to me too. People may not adore you their, thats only because they don’t got the guts to be open anything about them, more likely they need “REALITY” check. THERE IS NOTHING BAD ABOUT BEING A BITCH, THEY NEED TO AJUST WITH IT! Real Friends know each other alot and they should at least forget about what you said or something, even if it makes them cry. Ohhhhhhhh if I was there I’d spoil you to death! I might go back to Philippines this summer :) My family in Philippines is poor-yet-to-the-middle. What I see and have been observing of most Filipinos in that damn country are nothing more but Whine and blame the goverment they don’t got jobs, Entertanment is nothing more but copy to some shit of another country, Maraming “Nice” people, but they can’t open up there Negative side, and oh god you get the damn deal. I can Rant for hours. Here in the US alot of Filipinos where I lived at are Black Wannabes, the White Washed, and of course the I ROCK CUZ I’M ASIAN PUNK! Blah I hate Labels. Your Original, Sexy and So GAY!!!!
    I love you!!!

  33. yes i’m a little late in commenting but I just wanted to say, I think I could put up with you.
    I have friends who remind me of you! My mother has a gay filippino friend who reminds me of you! He’s a bitch, he’s hilarious, soo wrong and I just think he’s great! My friend she’ll just insult you right there, she doesn’t care. We’ll be walking and a girl will walk by (at school) wearing short shorts and she’ll yell out that she has thunder thighs and shouldn’t be wearing those shorts! I think your “friends” just aren’t used to all these great minds. But, until then I guess if you want some friends you might have to slow down a little..sadly. Or find someone who’ll stay there, no matter what.

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