Someone just please teach me how to commit suicide. Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax

Written By bryanboy

LATEST UPDATE (12:55PM): FUCK IT. I’M TOO TIRED AND I’VE BEEN UP SINCE 8PM YESTERDAY NIGHT. I’LL GO TO STARBUCKS TOMORROW WITH *MY* DRIVER AND MY MOM’S MAID.

OH AND JAKOB, MY LOVERBOY FROM BUMFUCK MIDDLE OF NOWHERE SWEDEN, I’LL DO OUR SIMPLE LIFE PICS LATER WHEN I GET UP. I’M GONNA SLEEP NOW. BABOOSH!

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Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax

1. Bryanboy loves people from Shanghai, China, Slacks Creek, QLD Australia, Paterson, NJ, the country of Singapore, Suita, Osaka Japan, Sekudai, Johor Malaysia, Buenos Aires, Argentina, Federal, Entre Rios Argentina, Huntsville, AL, Guildford, UK, Madrid, Spain, Dublin, Ireland, Corvallis, OR, Mahwah, NJ, Adelaide, Australia, Revere, MA and of course, all the super kawaii people of Tokyo, Japan. I love each and every one of you mother fuckers. Say hi, don’t be shy. You know you wanna get my pregnant.

2. Is there anyone out there who wants to commit suicide? I need a suicide partner.

I hate this whole Labor Day Holiday bullshit. My maid, Eunice, embarked on a month-long vacation and won’t come back till late May. My driver, who I’ve had for the past 5 months, took the day off to spend time with his family. Believe it or not, I can’t, for the life of god, remember his name. I call him "Manong", which is a Filipino word for "respected elderly man".

And then there’s my evil bitch troll of a sister, who promised me she’ll drive me to Starbucks 4 HOURS AGO because I’m having this weird iced cafe latte craving. I wanted to take that opportunity so I can pose for the camera and have pictures of me taken… but no, her shitty boyfriend went here for lunch so now he’s her main priority.

That guy makes me feel weird. He goes here ALL the time… for hours… sometimes to sleep over.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against him. He’s a nice young lad and he takes good care of the evil bitch troll sister.

You see, I roam around the house with nothing but boxers on. Ever since I was a child, I walk around the halls of my humble abode, half-naked. I wore nothing but tight, white, y-front briefs when I was a child and before I had my menstruation. When my tight, cherry got popped for the first time (hello incontinence), things changed so I had to switched to boxers.

Isn’t it kinda stupid? To feel RESTRICTED in YOUR OWN house?

I don’t feel good when there’s a stranger out there who can see me in my underwear. I have no choice but to lock myself in my room and pray that god take him, or anyone for that matter such as an unwanted visitor, away.

So here I am, sleepless at 1PM, with no personal maid, no driver, no sister to act as a driver AND maid.

Fucking assholes. All of them are fucking useless assholes.

I was gonna borrow my mom’s maid, Margie, but there’s no one to drive me to Starbucks.

You know, I really feel shit.

So this is what it feels like not to have anyone when you need them most.

ALL I WANT IS A TRIP TO STARBUCKS AND GET MY

PICTURES DONE.

WHY OH WHY OH WHY OH FUCKING WHY DOES GOD

HAVE TO TAKE THAT TINY LITTLE THING AWAY FROM ME?

#3 – I think I know who to blame on today’s misfortune.

It’s those psychopath religious fanatics who have been emailing and texting me in the past couple of days giving me flak because I replaced Mama Mary’s face with mine on this illustration.

Look assholes, save your religious sermon for someone else.

I’ll update in a bit cause my evil bitch troll sister told me she’s gonna drive me to Starbucks.

THERE IS A GOD AFTERALL!!!!!

HALLELUJAH HOUSE OF CHANEL!

Baboosh_3

PS. Discuss this blog post here.

13 Comments

  1. brattybeyatch

    que barbaridad bryanboy – you are talagang the BEST. Hoy – i’m defending you to death sa mga web forum forum chuva around town ha – these forums that say na wala ka naman before the gucci-gang (celina lompez, ting yaq, jerry emerson, manuko jacilta, teng kubeta et al) picked you up – or that bryan was a second-rate-trying-hard-coffee-pot that became someone because of the gg. hija de congnax – i always say tumahimik silang mga halitosis sila – that you were a superstar fabuleux na talaga in your own right hindi vah even before them. and ang hitad – to make your own money ka ha – di ka living off the stolen fat of the land or the stolen lay of the land – na sadly – parents pa nila ang nagnakaw! di sila!! so wala talagang sariling sikap. hahahaha and i love how you are the 1st to bitch about yourself and to raise proudly na di ka to the manor born originally – like the lolo’s kawawa nicho post and the one about your classmates wearing penshoppe and bench – HAHAHAAH hilarious. and even if you do bithc about your familia de horreur ok lang – we all do about our own families – love ko how tongue-in-cheek ka talaga when you talk about your past. hahahaha – di katulad ng mga iba dyan na feeling royalty ekchuk – in bred lang sila at daming utang. nakakahiya.
    and in fairness to you – you link to the other internet sites you get info from – unline si antok sam diela na editor kruning kruning pero to PLAGIARIZE naman ang mga pinag-su-sulat nya. ay naku bryan – more power to you. AS IN!! Iwagayway ang bandera ng kabaklaan, ka-okrayan at ka fabueleux-ness!!! you are a true PINOY SUPERSTAR. Sa internet pa diba – ang taray talaga. be it as a party whore, donatella, pregnant, anorexic, self-flageelating and now domestic goddess – I LOVE YOU!!! your millions of adoring fans here and worldwide love you. At yang gucci gang chuiva-nesses na yan – ma-inggit lang sila sa yo!!! passe na sila at pwede ba – bayaran kaya nila utang nila sa mga bar?? pinagtatawanan sila ng mga waiter! HAHAHAHA

  2. youre right about the “being restricted in your own house”… i would feel the same way too if i were in your position. i mean, im not really fond of having visitors in my house especially when i just want some ME time.
    sidenote: sorry about not having your maid but hey, you got your starbucks eh ;)
    i love the way you blog. you make the otherwise dull things in day-to-day life fun, lively and more interesting.
    keep blogging!
    sending you love from Santa Clara, California… kixx

  3. Hmm, posting crazy stream-of-conciousness rants on the internet looks fun. I must try it :)

  4. talagang crazy!

    Your blog is a wonderful breath of fresh air. Starbucks tastes so much better back home than here in Los(t) Angeles, seriously. I just get irritated that it takes 15 minutes to go down the street to the Intramuros Starbucks……and it’s more cheaper too…..

  5. Bernadette Allison

    I am not shock that you feel depressed and you feel like you want to die. Gays are profoundly unhappy. You might have a lot of money but you can’t buy friends, especially boyfriend, no one respects you. People see you as an entertainer, but who will entertain you?. Being gay is a wrong choice but I know you don’t care. You will never have a peaceful life because a gay lifestyle is never peaceful. At first it seems fun, but how about in the long run?. I don’t hate you and I have no intention in changing you. Do what you want to do. I just want to give you my advice which you don’t have to follow: ” DIE in HIS arms, Live by his will and you’ll exist forever”

  6. i’m always looking forward to your posts. you certainly make my day!
    i adore you, bryanboy!

  7. bryangirl

    VINA . u fucking bitch. sexual orientation is determined at birth. fuck you and ur fucking theory about gays leading an unhappy life. im happy eating my girl’s pussy everyday and vice versa.we’re fucking happy. so don’t u fucking think u noe it all u motherfucker. ure prob an insecure bitch who feels rejected by men who want other men. well, it’s true maybe cause ure a “noe-it-all-and-spread-my-fucking-wisdom-to-the-wider-world” kinda person. but bryanboy noes he’s stuff.so dont diss us or disparage us cause u look awfully idiotic in doing so, fuckett.
    u go GIRL bryanboy!! work it! babooooosh.

  8. caroline

    I, in the name of the French population, forgive you for the rude words posted there, but with a perfect spelling. I am always surprised to see these are the 1st learned……
    OR is it how the French Boys called you there ? tell me bc I might have a word with them….mmmm not treating correctly our favorite Boy….
    J adore te lire chaque jour,tu es trop drĂ´le, continue et que la force soit avec toi. Reviens vite en France !!
    a+ gros bisous

  9. ... XD

    hehe. im a kid. o_o beggining a life as a teenager … random. i got inspired to read more blogs cause … who knows eh? there might be as interesting *as yours* blog out there in the gigantic world of the internet… MUST SEARCH! RAAH! *forgive my randomness in here* and yes … i love starbucks too! wee! vanilla hazelnut frap.!

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