LATEST UPDATE (12:55PM): FUCK IT. I’M TOO TIRED AND I’VE BEEN UP SINCE 8PM YESTERDAY NIGHT. I’LL GO TO STARBUCKS TOMORROW WITH *MY* DRIVER AND MY MOM’S MAID.
OH AND JAKOB, MY LOVERBOY FROM BUMFUCK MIDDLE OF NOWHERE SWEDEN, I’LL DO OUR SIMPLE LIFE PICS LATER WHEN I GET UP. I’M GONNA SLEEP NOW. BABOOSH!
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
1. Bryanboy loves people from Shanghai, China, Slacks Creek, QLD Australia, Paterson, NJ, the country of Singapore, Suita, Osaka Japan, Sekudai, Johor Malaysia, Buenos Aires, Argentina, Federal, Entre Rios Argentina, Huntsville, AL, Guildford, UK, Madrid, Spain, Dublin, Ireland, Corvallis, OR, Mahwah, NJ, Adelaide, Australia, Revere, MA and of course, all the super kawaii people of Tokyo, Japan. I love each and every one of you mother fuckers. Say hi, don’t be shy. You know you wanna get my pregnant.
2. Is there anyone out there who wants to commit suicide? I need a suicide partner. I hate this whole Labor Day Holiday bullshit. My maid, Eunice, embarked on a month-long vacation and won’t come back till late May. My driver, who I’ve had for the past 5 months, took the day off to spend time with his family. Believe it or not, I can’t, for the life of god, remember his name. I call him "Manong", which is a Filipino word for "respected elderly man". And then there’s my evil bitch troll of a sister, who promised me she’ll drive me to Starbucks 4 HOURS AGO because I’m having this weird iced cafe latte craving. I wanted to take that opportunity so I can pose for the camera and have pictures of me taken… but no, her shitty boyfriend went here for lunch so now he’s her main priority. That guy makes me feel weird. He goes here ALL the time… for hours… sometimes to sleep over. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against him. He’s a nice young lad and he takes good care of the evil bitch troll sister. You see, I roam around the house with nothing but boxers on. Ever since I was a child, I walk around the halls of my humble abode, half-naked. I wore nothing but tight, white, y-front briefs when I was a child and before I had my menstruation. When my tight, cherry got popped for the first time (hello incontinence), things changed so I had to switched to boxers. Isn’t it kinda stupid? To feel RESTRICTED in YOUR OWN house? I don’t feel good when there’s a stranger out there who can see me in my underwear. I have no choice but to lock myself in my room and pray that god take him, or anyone for that matter such as an unwanted visitor, away. So here I am, sleepless at 1PM, with no personal maid, no driver, no sister to act as a driver AND maid. Fucking assholes. All of them are fucking useless assholes. I was gonna borrow my mom’s maid, Margie, but there’s no one to drive me to Starbucks. You know, I really feel shit. So this is what it feels like not to have anyone when you need them most. ALL I WANT IS A TRIP TO STARBUCKS AND GET MY
WHY OH WHY OH WHY OH FUCKING WHY DOES GOD
HAVE TO TAKE THAT TINY LITTLE THING AWAY FROM ME?
#3 – I think I know who to blame on today’s misfortune. It’s those psychopath religious fanatics who have been emailing and texting me in the past couple of days giving me flak because I replaced Mama Mary’s face with mine on this illustration. Look assholes, save your religious sermon for someone else.
I’ll update in a bit cause my evil bitch troll sister told me she’s gonna drive me to Starbucks.
THERE IS A GOD AFTERALL!!!!!
HALLELUJAH HOUSE OF CHANEL!