Quotable Quotes
Quotable Quotes
It's Tuesday afternoon, I'm sick and bored out of my skull. I was gonna finish my latest podcast but I'm too fucking lazy and I can't be bothered.
I browsed through my archives (WHICH ALL OF YOU ASSHOLES SHOULD READ) and boy, I must say I definitely had a wild and crazy life. It's amazing how I managed to come up with all these crazy blog entries over the past 2 years. I'm telling you, I'd be lucky if I don't get locked up in a mental institution before I even reach the age of 30. I must have been on SERIOUS hallucinogenic drugs when I said some of these things...
"The bathroom was repulsive. Even at first class. It has to be the ghettoest bathroom I have ever seen in my entire life. No air freshener. No toiletries. NOTHING. The floor and the toilet seats were dripping with piss drops from all sorts of strangers. God knows if I catched ebola from the plane."
- October 29, 2004
"4 hours and a shower later, I'm thinking "ooooo" and "ahhhhhh". Lovin it so far -- but I'm not yet satisfied. I want a darker color. I want a color that screams I huffed and I puffed and I spent 8 hours a day, every day for 7 days at the beach, sea, sun and sex on the sand in broad daylight."
- November 29, 2004
"My masochistic Amex card was screaming at me. From the inner corners of my Vuitton wallet to the walls of my Hermes handbag, this 3-inch piece of plastic was begging to be raped and swiped between the smooth, metal cracks of a credit card terminal, until it spurts out the sweet, orgasmic-like receipt of a successful transaction."
- December 21, 2004
"I'm no longer keeping it a secret that I kinda find "Arabicishbutnotfullblownmosquegoingarabic" looking guys cute."
- January 2, 2005
"I had intense hallucinations that I'm turning into the Nutty Professor, with the Ronald McDonald's mascot giving me the fuck-you finger."
- January 6, 2005
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"You think you've got skeletons in your closet? If you've got skeletons, I've got cadavers in my wardrobe. Yes. Cadavers. No amount of dead bones can beat the hell out of rotten, flesh-infested cadavers. My past is THAT bad."
- February 11, 2005
"I *never* did the weights because of personal insecurities and issues against the hordes of muscle maries lifting 50-pound weights. Why, why oh why oh why oh why should I, who, at that time, was 5-foot-9 weighing 100 pounds, subject myself to lifting weights, surrounded by steroid-injecting, drug-abusing, metabolism-obsessed, sweaty, bulging, muscular shitholes?"
- February 24, 2005
"I’m not claustrophobic or anything but when I went inside the big white machine, I felt like I was inside a coffin. Literally. During the process I heard all these Star Wars/Space Intergalactic Chu Chu noises prrt prrt prrt crrt crrrt crrrt brrrt brrt brrt tooot toot tooot toooooooo tut tut tooooo tooo. Am I still alive? Am I dead already? Where am I? Am I an alien? Oh my god am I breathing oxygen?"
- March 3, 2005
"It really was unbelievable. It was the attack of the freeloading golden-aged, wrinkly vintage matrons... The girl handed me this long tube to try out. I puckered up, applied a thin coat on my lips and puckered up again in front of the mirror. The first word that came to my mind was... MAGIC!"
- March 9, 2005
"This was taken the day of my hospital check-out. Can you imagine? 4 days without facials, body scrubs, a decent shower, manicure and pedicure? It was like hell on earth! Take note of the facial hair. Horrible. Hideous. Nasty. Dirty. Scruffy. Words cannot express how butch I look. I swear, I look like a lesbian here with one of those scotch-taped fake facial hair."
- June 19, 2005
"We don't have the same Dior darling. Mine is Dior. Yours is ebay."
- June 22, 2005
"I HAD TO FUCKING WALK 150 METERS, IN MY CURRENT STATE OF VULNERABILITY, WITHOUT A PHONE, WITHOUT A HANDBAG, WEARING SKANKY CLOTHES, MY FACE IS ALL RED, I'M TIRED, THEN ADD THE NAUSEOUS HEAT. MY SISTER IS A CRAZY DERANGED BASTARD."
- June 28, 2005
"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Don't hate me because my bag is better than yours. Don't hate me because my bag is your annual income. Hate me because I'm a big brown bitch and I loves it."
- July 6, 2005
"And then it suddenly occured to me -- Cialis. That's right. What the hell is Cialis? I mean, it starts with the letter C, like Chanel, so surely it can't be that bad, right? Like a fashion victim coming out of an Hermes store, I quickly opened one of the boxes when I got inside the car and then reality hit me. Not in my buttocks. But in my balls. One look at the insert and at the back of the box and it said: Indication: Treatment of Erectile Dysfunction."
- July 18, 2005
"Fuckin wankers saying they're bisexual to cover up their glittered assholes when all they want really is a cock up their throats and that's about it."
- July 22, 2005
"Speaking of Russia, gone are the days where my tight Asian hoover vaccuum hole gets filled with Aryan sperm cells enough to lift off a thousand mixed raced cosmonauts into outer space, no matter how good, warm, moist, wet, mushy it feels inside."
- July 30, 2005
"I am sick and tired of seeing all these minimum wager plebs who claim they are "mixed raced" or "half chinese, half spanish *and* half thisandthat" (that's right. 3 HALVES. *rolls eyes*) when in reality they are no different from someone from Abra... or Sorsogon... or Bicol... or insert_any_random_rural_place_in_the_philippines_here."
- August 11, 2005
"Why should I bear all the pains in this world? It's like blaming me for whatever it is that you want to blame on me: third world debt,poverty, war against terror, your cheating husband, your kids being on drugs, you getting fat, etc."
- August 12, 2005
"Go kill yourselves or something. Go get an eating disorder. Go cottaging. Go get a sexually-transmitted disease. Go get food poisoning. ALL OF YOU!"
- August 23, 2005
"You Know You're God, Creator of the Universe, if you got a Birkin Bag in a Day."
- September 2, 2005
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"What's worse is the fact that this elephant is probably an airline/airport employee who only got upgraded... a free flyer... hitchhiker of the skies."
- September 3, 2005
"Fucking Yuppies. God I despise them. Pretentious yuppies in white, blue, gray or pink button down shirts with trousers and loafers that scream OFFICE WORKER! Darlings, just because you're in a bloody office uniform it doesn't give you the right to feel you're loaded, so cut the snobbery, bitch! Don't get me wrong though. I really have nothing against office workers. Or clerks. Or minimum wagers. Afterall, their taxes fuel most politicians' fat wallets therefore giving us more golddigger opportunities... But it's cunts like me who keep the GLOBAL economies afloat. Paris, New York, Milan, plus all the sweatshops all over the world that print the "Made in Italy" label."
- September 6, 2005
"I look forward to the day when someone gives me a fucking US$64,000 40cm Hermes black crocodile Birkin bag with pave diamonds. That will definitely fill one big void in my life. The eternal emptiness that is inside me can go to fucking hell if I can get my hands on that bag."
- September 6, 2005
"I did all sorts of things to gain attention. I nicked stationery, stickers and pens for fun. I did a little extortion stint asking a couple of bucks from each student who wants to use the bathroom. Heck, I even faked one of my faggot ex-teacher's signature on my own project because I submitted it late. Little had I known that he doesn't use a pen with PINK ink."
- September 16, 2005
"Why on earth did my parents chose to be normal, good-natured, law-abiding citizens? Where's the fun in that when they could've chosen to be riding the gravy train like friggin politicians, army generals or political cronies. Seriously, I wish I was a politician's unwanted love child... You can launder your money thru money - spend it on me - buy me more clothes, shoes and accesories! If the FBI or CIA wants to know where the money came from I'll tell them I'm a prostitute!"
- September 17, 2005
"My shrink's schedule is a royal pain to my rectum. How can that white-coated man possibly save the minds of the attention deficit disorder sufferers such as myself when all he does is spend 2 friggin hours (each day) at my local hospital before going to another one?"
- September 20, 2005
"I am the epitome of consumerism. Without me, capitalism won't exist"
- September 23, 2005
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"I lost my hair's virginity to peroxide back when I was 15 or 16. The culprit: one of those cheap, tacky, blonde-in-a-bottle stuff. God knows where I found the courage, the balls and the guts to do it back then. At that time, everyone must have thought of me as a freak. Even my ex-bf thought I was a freak."
- September 30, 2005
"My fabulous looks (coffee anyone?) will fade, my skin will fuckin sag and get infested with liver spots, warts, wrinkles, stretch marks and acne scars. No amount of botox, plastic surgery and liposuction can stop me from looking just like a male Jackie Stallone (yes, that's Sylvester's mum my friends) in the future. My last breath would smell that of absinthe, piss and xanax."
- October 11, 2005
"My life is already a big ol psychiatric and sociopathic mess, I should be the poster child for xanax. I bet there's a ton of psychiatrists out there who would LOVE to get their cold hands on my ass, conduct a study and interrogate me, FBI-style."
- October 18, 2005
"The worst position next to "doggie style" is that one of being at the mercy of others."
- October 27, 2005
Amazing eh?
I must have been on crack when I said all of the stuff above. Please feel free to quote ME as long as you credit me properly.
I'll update in a little while. I promise.
You all know how to get hold of me. Email bryan@bryanboy.com or SMS +63.915.785.1492.
