Shameless Self-Promotion: Pimp my fat ass and win a necklace from Dolce & Gabbana

Written By bryanboy

042806_ourladyofmaterialismShameless Self-Promotion

Allow me to indulge in a moment of shameless self-promotion.

Generally-speaking, I don’t give a fuck on what people think of me or say about me. I won’t deny that I’m a proud attention whore and a good one at that. I like jacking off every time someone says something where I’m involved. It doesn’t matter whether it’s positive or negative. There’s something pleasurable (and self-satisfying) every time I find my name on an internet site or forum or whenever I hear from my moles and minions that people are talking behind my back.

I always tell myself, "wow, people are really making the effort in vocalizing their thoughts and opinions." It’s wonderful being able to ellicit some sort of a reaction.

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I searched my name on google earlier this morning and the world’s #1 search engine came up with 83,800 results. "Kate Moss" came up with 4,300,000 results while "Paris Hilton" got 44,100,000. That’s right mother fuckers, fourty four MILLION one hundred thousand results.

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I know it’s absolutely wrong for me to compare myself to these 2 women considering I’m a certified nobody but come on, I know I can do better than 83,800.

You see, it just occured to me that I should no longer deny the fact that my true purpose in life is world domination through my faggotry.

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One day when I become the United Nations Secretary General, get really really really famous and super duper filthy rich, I want to be able to bitch at all the people who made my life miserable (including the ones who constantly pulled me down and didn’t believe in me) and say "say hi mother fuckers, don’t cry for me Argentina eva-peron style", followed by a wink and an airkiss that Marilyn Monroe would be proud of.

Now, none of this is gonna happen WITHOUT YOUR HELP.

From New York City and Adelaide, Australia, to New Zealand and Hoofddorp, Noord-Holland in the Netherlands, people, teenagers and teenagers at heart (oh dear god hahaha) all over the world are reading my blog… including people from my hometown, Las Islas Filipinas aka land of the brown, l’exotique and the natives. I’ve got each and everyone of you, fabulous, fantastic and lovable maggots, dancing on the palm of my hand.

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According to Female First, Anna Wintour, editor-in-chief of American Vogue said she has 3 commandments to maintain the standard of her magazine.

#1 – aim high. very high
#2 – have fun and last. but not the least…
#3 – keep your finger on the pulse and KEEP YOUR INFLUENCE BY EXERCISING IT.

Well, I want to put my influence to the test.

I want to see whether I’m larger than life or not.

I want you, yes, you, to feed my ego.

All this talk on various internet sites on how I’m a "blog celebrity" or how I’m "famous" makes me wonder if I’m really famous. I really should stop pretending I’ve got a tiny bone of humility inside me. HAHAHAHAHA!

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I think it’s best for me to cut to the chase and save all this incessant crap about fame for a later time.

I’m not happy I only got 83,800 results on google.

Why should I settle for 83,800 when I can shoot for 500,000???

With the help of corruption and bribery, of course, just the way we LOVE it in the ultra fabulous third world, I am hereby proud to present you…

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You read that right.

I want you to pimp my fat ass on the internet.

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It’s quite simple, really.

The person who spread the word about my blog www.bryanboy.com on the most number of websites will win a fabulous DOLCE & GABBANA (NOT D&G… there’s a big difference, maggots. hahaha) dog tag necklace with the word "SEX" in swarovski crystals.

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Don’t ask me how much it costs. The only thing that I can tell you is Dolce & Gabbana ain’t cheap, so there. =)

I usually give sexual favours but given the distance

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from my brothel to where you live, I figured this is

the next best thing to my infamous $5 blowjobs.

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As a bonus, I’ll throw in an old copy of one of my favourite reads EVAR, the ultimate nouveaux riche and social climbers’ "feel good" book entitled, "THE RIGHT ADDRESS" by Carrie Karasyov and Jill Kargman.

All you need to do is bombard every internet website, online forum, blog, chat room, online networking sites (MySpace, Friendster, etc) whatever about my gospel and my faggotry and email me the links where I can read about what you or whatever the site owner said.

The person who emails me the most number of links AND bring the most traffic to my site wins!

I’ll run this contest from now until May 15, 2006. Just email me all the links where you (or your minions) mentioned me. Don’t send me your name or your mailing address. I only need that information once I pick the winner.

FYI: I have this amazing website stats program that can track where people are coming from so you can’t really cheat. LOL

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If you have any questions, email bryan@bryanboy.com.

I’ll be watching you all very closely.

I bet some bloggers out there will copy my self-promotion antics.

There are sites out there who already copied my "I LOVE BRYANBOY" sign pics and INFAMOUS BRYANBOY POSE etc…. I wouldn’t be surprised if I get copied again this time.

Well, it happens to only the best, right?

Spread the love bitches and always remember…

Oooooooo the sheer thought of knowing that you’re all watching me VERY CLOSELY too is making me moist with delight. I bet I’m driving you insane already.

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I love you all as always. Email bryan@bryanboy.com or SMS + HÖRA ETT EXEMPEL PÅ ETT MEDDELANDE
(ignorera musiken i bakgrunden)

Du kan också ställa vilken fråga du vill. På ENGELSKSKA, såklart. Jag kommer publicera ditt meddelande på min nästa podcast.

RING NU SLYNOR! ALLA NI SMUTSIGA SVENSKA SLYNOR, HOROR OCH BÖGAR! jag vill höra din röst, det borde inte ta mer än 1 minut. Hahahaha!

Jag älskar er som alltid.

Baboosh_3

35 Comments

  1. omfg, bryanboy, i only got here a week ago and already i’m fucking addicted. you’re like incredibly gay crack cocaine.

  2. only bryan can pull off something like PIMP my FAt ass!! lol thats hilarious.. go go go bryan!

  3. Wah, what a good way to increase traffic. If liddat I will throw in a t-shirt and held the contest in my blog also leh.

  4. Holy shit. You have achieved a whole new level of gayness far above and beyond the realm of normal homosexuality. Congrats. You are, like, gay as fuck times infinity. Astronauts in orbit around the earth can probably see you. Fuckin awesome!

  5. Jade-Manilena

    Hello hello to our favo fag! YOU! are larger than life! My bro shared your site to me and now I’m spreading the bryanboy epidemia at my office! From your photos, we’re certain we can find you in __________ so brace yourself for future true-life paparazzis soon, ya hear? love,love,LOVE ya!

  6. oh my, bryan. you are beginning to be like madonna. you’re slowly taking over the world by storm.

  7. Tinkerbell

    Oi, vei. I look so faaat. And my background reeks. Damn. Oh well, glad you liked it anyhow. :p

  8. I want that necklace!! don’t have the time to spam the sites for u, but I’ll spread the word of your site nonetheless. =}

  9. One day when I become the United Nations Secretary General, get really really really famous and super duper filthy rich, I want to be able to bitch at all the people who made my life miserable (including the ones who constantly pulled me down and didn’t believe in me) and say “say hi mother fuckers, don’t cry for me Argentina eva-peron style”, followed by a wink and an airkiss that Marilyn Monroe would be proud of.
    ^^ I had the same thoughts before, actually. Come to think of it, I’m thankful for all the people who hated/hate/disliked/dislike me. Hahahahaha. Without them, I wouldn’t have pushed myself to be a better person.. But that’s a completely different story. Anyway, you should be thankful for those haters, without them, I bet you’d be a completely different person. You’d be contented and contentment leads to mediocrity, and so on. (;

  10. Amanda Nicole Bustamante

    Bryanboy is the best gay around, makes me want to be homosexual! lol brianboy i heart you!

  11. Hahaha that picture of you in the balcony of Casa Rosada is hilarious!
    I live in Buenos Aires, Argentina and I would love to have you as the country’s leader! Yay you could be our next Evita but a lot more glamourous and prettier!
    She loved furs and designer items just like you!
    Ok im gonna stop dreaming now!
    I love your blog ;)

  12. OMG Bryanboy. Talar du Svenska? Du måste lära sig att tala Finska också. When do you arrive to our beautiful country?
    PS. We have here f*cking expensive re-seller of Chanel

  13. bryrocks

    hey, throw in an autographed shirt with your infamous mug and one of your high-flyin’ bags on it and I’ll wear it every chance I get ;)

  14. hey. drop by to say hi. man, you really give gays a brand new name. love live bryanboy. smiles* you go girl.

  15. This is all show, yeah I know. But leave the Virgen Mary alone! Bryan, you’re always going to be a 3rd worldster with a squished face. Naturally elegant you’re not. Naturally talented: not. Artiste? Yeah right! So what the fuck??? You only fool yourself when you try to imitate bad art.

  16. Ooh la love.
    I might knock you off faster than a Chinese Fendi factory.
    Actually, no, I prize originality even higher than shameless self-promotion, you third Hilton sister.

  17. notGAY

    YOUR GAY…AND YOU HAVE THE DECENCY TO EVEN TALK….YOU SICK RETARDED TEA BAGGER

  18. you are really gay, gross, disgusting, how much you paid xiaxue to endorse your blog?

  19. Brian

    I hope you get that 500k results on Google, just because it is such a funny and audacious goal. Good luck with it, and your blog is always fun to read.

  20. 504nvert

    haha explosm.net…haha! thats how i get here, you can add the middle east as part of your readers now too :P

  21. Heterosexual

    go shove a dildo up your ass, i am sorry that I stumbled accross this page, utter shit. nothing but you being flambouyantly gay…. nothing of value here. oh yeah, pick a real name… bryanboy… what the fuck is that?

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