Saturday Whore, B is for Bestiality
Saturday Whore
I've always wondered what it feels like being a cheap whore so I decided to get out of the car and start whoring myself on the freeway for $5.
Sunglasses by Dior, super old t-shirt from GAP, jeans by Acne Jeans, shoes by Yves Saint Laurent, bag by Fendi, bangle from Urban Outfitters
Unfortunately, all my pathetic attempts in flesh peddling went down the drain. 10 minutes of roadside fun and not even a single car stopped by to ask how much I cost.
I think I scared people away.
I came to the conclusion that people are scared of my new Fendi B-bag AND/OR they think I'm a hitchhiking lunatic fag who needs to be run over by a 16-wheeler truck, just like roadkill.
Here's more faggotry...
... to brighten up your day.
Yesterday was alright. My sister and I went to the mall yesterday to run a few errands for grannie.
My first stop was the bookstore to buy a magazine. While waiting for my sis to arrive outside the shop, someone I don't know (well, someone who's not in phonebook) sent me a message saying "Hey Bryanboy! I saw you here at Powerbooks!". I swear to god that person scared the living shit out of me.
I totally forgot how I have a website and how I posted one of my cellphone numbers on the internet. Paranoia kicked in and I thought "oh my god how did this person knew I went to the bookstore".
I'm begging you, please don't do that ever again! You could've come up to me and said hi. It's not as if I'll bite ya head off when you do. LOL.
I had to relax for a little bit so I thought it would be best to pop by at the Coffee Bean and get something to drink.
You should've seen the look on our faces when the barista handed out our drinks. There's WHIPPED CREAM on my vanilla ice blended and I DIDN'T EVEN ASK FOR WHIPPED CREAM. Never have, never will. Whipped cream is evil. I only associate whipped cream with sex. Whipped cream, to me, is inedible. It's pretty much just like all that foam (and bubbles) your bath gel creates when you're in the tub.
I checked our receipt and saw a separate line for WHIPPED CREAM (free).
That bulldyke of a midget behind the counter DIDN'T ask me whether we want whipped cream or not. What an asshole eh? Bitch had a nerve to assume we want whipped cream on our drinks. Can't she see I'm trying to lose weight here?
I'm nice and sweet so I opted to cut the bulldyke some slack cause she was the only person behind the cash register and the queue was horrendous.
I could have easily complained but I decided to shut my gob.
You see, contrary to what most people think, I'm no diva. You will NEVER see me ask for the impossible or the alternative. I will NEVER, EVER demand the moon AND the stars. I'm NEVER the complaining type. I'm the sort of person who will eat anything that is served on the table provided it's edible.
Sometimes I think I'm far too nice and good to be true.
Anyway, there really is no point in disturbing the peace. The thought of them throwing away a fresh drink (in spite of being cream-y and disgusting) and create a new one makes me feel guilty because there might be a homeless, thirsty person somewhere out there over the rainbow could really do with one of these fattening concoctions.
I just hope that bulldyke dies in her sleep. I want her to have a nightmare where she's stuck in a small, gas chamber-like room and it's being filled with whipped cream. I want her to suffer a slow, painful death by choking from all that milky foam.
Moving on...
This is the reason why I love my local mall. FREE PONY RIDES as long as you spend US$10 at any shop in the mall. Sadly, only kids under the age of 13 (or something) can ride those ponies. What a bitch eh?
It looks like they don't allow fat children, too. I wanted to tell the child "sorry kiddo, we're on the same boat".
She's cute though.
After our little encounter with the ponies, my sis and I went to the supermarket to pick up some items for grannie.
BTWFWI, I've got that picture as my desktop wallpaper. Click here to download a high-resolution version of that photo.
Wentworth Miller is the father of my child. I told him to use a condom on me but he kept on saying "NO LOVE IF THERE'S A GLOVE".
Who said there are condoms in prison anyway? I HATE rubber.
My sis and I had dinner at this fantastic new French restaurant called the "French Corner". If I'm not mistaken, it opened a month or two ago. I can't believe I only went there yesterday. Even my favourite third world tai-tai Mrs. T, who lives 300 light-years away, ate there first.
My sis and I had sooo much food it was unbelievable. We had french onion soup, some foie gras with raspberry (or was it cranberry?) sauce, some lamb, couscous, scallops and prawns. It was gastronomic heaven right there! All these scrumptious delights are soo affordable, we paid around US$75 for the two of us!
B is for Bestiality
My Mexican buddy in Madrid, Mauricio, got pissed at me the other day cause I didn't go to Jollibee. Mauricio is having a weird Asian Jollibee obsession lately. Mauricio read one of my old entries on how I looooove Jollibee "chickenjoy" (the best fried chicken on earth) and he's been salivating about it ever since.
BryanBoy: OH FUCK I FORGOT JOLLIBEE
mauricio: you disgraced the laws of the beeeee
When I saw the sign yesterday, my gut told me I had to play pictionary in order to surprise Mauricio.
We stopped by at the gas station to fill up our gas tank (the road to my grandma's place down south is a long one) and there it was... I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign.
Jollibee is the Filipino equivalent to McDonald's. This is Filipino fast food at its finest: burgers, fries, spaghetti, fried chicken, peach mango pies, etc. Visit www.jollibee.com if you want to learn more.
Most people go to Jollibee to get some food, I on the other hand, went there to molest the bee. I didn't have any space in my tummy after that scrumptious meal at the French Corner.
Remember boys, I'm the catcher, not the pitcher.
You gotta enter through the exit/back door in order to win my heart. Dammit my bum looks big in those pants.
On that profound note, thanks Jollibee! Thank you and please cum again.
Coming up in a couple of hours, a super long Bryanboy Loves... and Random Cheesemax entry. Stay tuned.
And for the life of god, please send me more images of love. Especially to those who live in exotic and bumfuck-in-the-middle-of-nowhere locations like Topeka, Kansas or something.
Big shout out to all the Polish people out there, especially to Meg from Poland. I love you too sweetie!
Email bryan@bryanboy.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492 and tell me you want to touch my fanny.
I love you all!
