Welcome Back to Civilization.
Welcome to blogging. Welcome back to civilization. I’m so glad I’m kinda over my podcast addiction.
Don’t worry though. I promise I’ll do a podcast once a week… perhaps twice or thrice a week. Depends. ;)
My psychic, also known as Miss Cleo, who, btw, got charged with deceptive advertising, billing and collection practices by the US Federal Trade Commission back in 2002, was right all along; my prince charming didn’t call me on Valentine’s Day. No dinner date, no expensive champagne… and definitely no tiny red box with a big shiny gift from Cartier.
I should have known better.
It’s been a quiet week at the House of Bryanboy.
My uncle had a heart attack on Saturday afternoon and my familia de horreur told me to stay at home as they take care of things at the hospital. I’m glad my uncle survived and he’s waiting for surgery. I think he’s gonna have either a bypass or angioplasty… I’m not sure. He’s currently confined at the hospital and he’s doing ok.
A friend launched a new collection from her line, Loungeri Lux last Saturday. I promised her I’ll go to the party but my parentals told me that I should stay indoors in case we need to go to the hospital. I missed the first launch and now I missed it again. I’m almost 24 years old for god’s sake!
The oh-so-lovely Celine and her gold python Fendi Spy bag
I ended up not visiting him at the hospital so another weekend gone down the drain. Call me insensitive but it was my aunt’s fauly in the first place why my uncle had a heart attack.
Enough drama of my clammy clan. I don’t wanna talk about it. I wanna talk about beautiful things and beautiful people.
Photo credit: The Fash Pack
I stole both photos from The Fash Pack’s blog (sorry!!).
If you live in the land of the brown, l’exotique and the natives, pop by Mix at Greenbelt 3. JUST PROMISE ME THAT YOU’RE ***NOT*** GONNA TOUCH THE LARGE SIZES! I’ll GET THEM IN 3 COLORS. BLACK, WHITE AND PINK. These tees run a little small and a big, obese bitch like me need every square inch possible.
My Maid Deserves A Raise.
My oh so loyal servant, also known as Miss Eunice, deserves a raise. Who knew the bitch (that I truly love) had talent when it comes to photography?
I love her. I really do. That bitch mastered the art of namedropping and fashion faster than the speed of light. All of these conversations were done in our local language, fyi.
Me: "Have you seen my white belt with the yellow and pink stripes?"
Eunice: "No, is it the one from Delia’s?"
Me: "No… it’s Chanel because it says Chanel all over it!"
Me: "Look at that woman’s Chanel bag. Isn’t it nice?"
Eunice: "The bag is a fake cause the quilts aren’t aligned/the same"
(Peke po yung bag kasi iyung maliliit na squares hindi po pantay pantay)
Eunice: "Bryan, did you drink some cooking oil again? Your lip gloss is all over the place"
(Kuya, uminom nanaman po ba kayo ng mantika? Lagpas lagpas po yung lip gloss niyo)
When I got up yesterday afternoon, the first thing that she told me was "I can’t believe Paris Hilton is gonna be Mother Theresa in the movie. She looks like barbie doll. Isn’t Mother Theresa an Indian?"
(Kuya, hindi ako makapaniwala kinuha nila si Paris Hilton para maging Mother Thera. Para siyang Barbie Doll. Eh diba si Mother Theresa boombay?)
On Wednesday evening, I thought it would be nice to pay my uncle a visit. I was bored at that time so I asked Eunice to take photos of me; I haven’t camwhored in a long time.
I’m telling you… I think I should start a career in becomin a cleaning lady.
If I can’t get a guy being Le Superstar Fabuleux, maybe I can get a guy by being a hospital cleaning lady?
Shit, if that bitch Jennifer Lopez can steal Dolce & Gabbana outfits from hotel guests or wear Harry Winston diamonds on a date to the Met, I’m sure I can do better.
The person I’ll flirt with at the hospital are the ones on the Intensive Care Unit… the ones who have a one-way ticket to the morgue… the ones who are about to face death as soon as I touch their genitals… Before I do that though, I wanna make sure their last will and testament is signed, leaving all their assets and wealth to me.
God, imagine how lucky those nurses are.
HOSPITALS MUST BE GOLD-DIGGER CENTRAL!!!!
I’m sure somewhere in the world, there’s a filthy wealthy hospital patient fed up of dealing with their heirs so they leave everything to the ones who wipe their shitty arses off the shitting pan.
Anyway, I think I LOOK SOOOOOOOOO DAMN GOOD WITH ALL THOSE CLEANING EQUIPMENT.
Looking at a picture from my past, I think I was meant to work in the cleaning lady/healthcare industry. Here’s a picture of me about 5 or 6 years ago at Amanpulo. That’s table napkin on my head!
I have such a huge respect for nurses. Who else will take care of us even if we’re sick, even if they’re getting paid? I have to admit that nurses in this country are sooo underpaid, no wonder they’re emigrating by the flock to other countries, just like migratory birds.
Anyway, I respect them soo much when I got hospitalized, I had to boo them away in order for me to take a poop. I don’t care even if I was on Intensive Care. I don’t want a nurse to be wiping my ass with baby wipes; I want to do it myself!
Bryanboy Loves…. and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Doha, Qatar, Tianjin, China, Tampa, FL, Quinta Da Verdelha, Lisboa Portugal, Hanoi, Vietnam, Oslo, Norway, Kortemark, Belgium, Perth, WA Australia, London, ONT Canada, Mount Sibley, QLD Australia, Helsinki, Finland, Eschborn, Hessen Germany, Magnolia, TX and of course, all my friends from Cazevieille, Languedoc-Roussillon, France. I love you all. Say hi, don’t be shy you fuckin maggots!
#2 – I love these guys from Belgium. Don’t worry boys… when I go to Brussels one day, I wanna make sure we’re gonna have a threesome. Both of you guys can take turns fucking both my mouth and my ass. I’m gonna milk your genitals until the cows come home. I LOVE YOU BOTH!!!!
#3 – More love from all over the world… Big shout out to Milwaukee, Wisconsin and Hong Kong! As always, you know where to send your love. NO PHOTOSHOPPED PICTURES PLEASE!!! Email firstname.lastname@example.org.
#4 – I hope you liked Podcast #003. If you haven’t listened to it yet, click here to download it. I named my Podcast "Greetings From The Third World". I’m open to ideas and suggestions!
#5 – Be sure to pay my online forum a visit. It’s free for god’s sake. I’m gonna go there in a bit to post a couple of things.
#6 – OH MY GOD. I GOT PUBLISHED AT OKLAHOMA DAILY!. OKLAHOMA. Oh. my. god.
Anyway, I have NO idea where it is in the USA but all I know is Amber Valetta was born there.
Apparently I’m this "Filipino Socialite" and I "make out with European models".
Making out with them?
SHIT, I CAN’T GET A FILIPINO MODEL TO KISS ME ON THE LIPS LET ALONE MAKE OUT AND HAVE HORNY SEX WITH EUROPEAN MODELS.
Hilarious. I LOVE IT.
I like it that they featured me though. It’s one step to world domination. It’s nice to have readers from Oklahoma.
SOMEONE PLEASE SCAN THAT ARTICLE IF IT EVER GOT PRINTED AND EMAIL IT TO ME. I’LL GIVE FREE BLOWJOBS AND AN OREO COOKIE IF YOU DO. email@example.com.
Click here to read the article online.
I think that’s all for now. I gotta be up early tomorrow.
Email firstname.lastname@example.org or SMS +63-915-785-1492.
I love you all.