Welcome Back to Civilization. My Maid Deserves A Raise.

Written By bryanboy

Welcome Back to Civilization.

Welcome to blogging. Welcome back to civilization. I’m so glad I’m kinda over my podcast addiction.

Don’t worry though. I promise I’ll do a podcast once a week… perhaps twice or thrice a week. Depends. ;)

My psychic, also known as Miss Cleo, who, btw, got charged with deceptive advertising, billing and collection practices by the US Federal Trade Commission back in 2002, was right all along; my prince charming didn’t call me on Valentine’s Day. No dinner date, no expensive champagne… and definitely no tiny red box with a big shiny gift from Cartier.

I should have known better.

It’s been a quiet week at the House of Bryanboy.

My uncle had a heart attack on Saturday afternoon and my familia de horreur told me to stay at home as they take care of things at the hospital. I’m glad my uncle survived and he’s waiting for surgery. I think he’s gonna have either a bypass or angioplasty… I’m not sure. He’s currently confined at the hospital and he’s doing ok.

A friend launched a new collection from her line, Loungeri Lux last Saturday. I promised her I’ll go to the party but my parentals told me that I should stay indoors in case we need to go to the hospital. I missed the first launch and now I missed it again. I’m almost 24 years old for god’s sake!

Loungerilux_002
The oh-so-lovely Celine and her gold python Fendi Spy bag

I ended up not visiting him at the hospital so another weekend gone down the drain. Call me insensitive but it was my aunt’s fauly in the first place why my uncle had a heart attack.

Enough drama of my clammy clan. I don’t wanna talk about it. I wanna talk about beautiful things and beautiful people.

Loungerilux_001
Photo credit: The Fash Pack

I stole both photos from The Fash Pack’s blog (sorry!!).

If you live in the land of the brown, l’exotique and the natives, pop by Mix at Greenbelt 3. JUST PROMISE ME THAT YOU’RE ***NOT*** GONNA TOUCH THE LARGE SIZES! I’ll GET THEM IN 3 COLORS. BLACK, WHITE AND PINK. These tees run a little small and a big, obese bitch like me need every square inch possible.

My Maid Deserves A Raise.

My oh so loyal servant, also known as Miss Eunice, deserves a raise. Who knew the bitch (that I truly love) had talent when it comes to photography?

Doctor_001

I love her. I really do. That bitch mastered the art of namedropping and fashion faster than the speed of light. All of these conversations were done in our local language, fyi.


Me: "Have you seen my white belt with the yellow and pink stripes?"
Eunice: "No, is it the one from Delia’s?"
Me: "No… it’s Chanel because it says Chanel all over it!"
—-
Me: "Look at that woman’s Chanel bag. Isn’t it nice?"
Eunice: "The bag is a fake cause the quilts aren’t aligned/the same"
(Peke po yung bag kasi iyung maliliit na squares hindi po pantay pantay)
Me: "Oh."

Eunice: "Bryan, did you drink some cooking oil again? Your lip gloss is all over the place"

(Kuya, uminom nanaman po ba kayo ng mantika? Lagpas lagpas po yung lip gloss niyo)


When I got up yesterday afternoon, the first thing that she told me was "I can’t believe Paris Hilton is gonna be Mother Theresa in the movie. She looks like barbie doll. Isn’t Mother Theresa an Indian?"

(Kuya, hindi ako makapaniwala kinuha nila si Paris Hilton para maging Mother Thera. Para siyang Barbie Doll. Eh diba si Mother Theresa boombay?)

WTF.

Anyway.

On Wednesday evening, I thought it would be nice to pay my uncle a visit. I was bored at that time so I asked Eunice to take photos of me; I haven’t camwhored in a long time.

I’m telling you… I think I should start a career in becomin a cleaning lady.

If I can’t get a guy being Le Superstar Fabuleux, maybe I can get a guy by being a hospital cleaning lady?

A_nurses_001_1

Shit, if that bitch Jennifer Lopez can steal Dolce & Gabbana outfits from hotel guests or wear Harry Winston diamonds on a date to the Met, I’m sure I can do better.

Maid_1

Maid002

The person I’ll flirt with at the hospital are the ones on the Intensive Care Unit… the ones who have a one-way ticket to the morgue… the ones who are about to face death as soon as I touch their genitals… Before I do that though, I wanna make sure their last will and testament is signed, leaving all their assets and wealth to me.

God, imagine how lucky those nurses are.

HOSPITALS MUST BE GOLD-DIGGER CENTRAL!!!! 

I’m sure somewhere in the world, there’s a filthy wealthy hospital patient fed up of dealing with their heirs so they leave everything to the ones who wipe their shitty arses off the shitting pan.

Anyway, I think I LOOK SOOOOOOOOO DAMN GOOD WITH ALL THOSE CLEANING EQUIPMENT.

A_nurses_002

Lifearchives_1_1

Looking at a picture from my past, I think I was meant to work in the cleaning lady/healthcare industry. Here’s a picture of me about 5 or 6 years ago at Amanpulo. That’s table napkin on my head!

Amanpulo_nurse

EEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!

I have such a huge respect for nurses. Who else will take care of us even if we’re sick, even if they’re getting paid? I have to admit that nurses in this country are sooo underpaid, no wonder they’re emigrating by the flock to other countries, just like migratory birds.

Anyway, I respect them soo much when I got hospitalized, I had to boo them away in order for me to take a poop. I don’t care even if I was on Intensive Care. I don’t want a nurse to be wiping my ass with baby wipes; I want to do it myself!

Bryanboy Loves…. and Random Cheesemax

#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Doha, Qatar, Tianjin, China, Tampa, FL, Quinta Da Verdelha, Lisboa Portugal, Hanoi, Vietnam, Oslo, Norway, Kortemark, Belgium, Perth, WA Australia, London, ONT Canada, Mount Sibley, QLD Australia, Helsinki, Finland, Eschborn, Hessen Germany, Magnolia, TX and of course, all my friends from Cazevieille, Languedoc-Roussillon, France. I love you all. Say hi, don’t be shy you fuckin maggots!

#2 – I love these guys from Belgium. Don’t worry boys… when I go to Brussels one day, I wanna make sure we’re gonna have a threesome. Both of you guys can take turns fucking both my mouth and my ass. I’m gonna milk your genitals until the cows come home. I LOVE YOU BOTH!!!!

Belgium_001

Belgium_002 

Belgium_003

#3 – More love from all over the world… Big shout out to Milwaukee, Wisconsin and Hong Kong! As always, you know where to send your love. NO PHOTOSHOPPED PICTURES PLEASE!!! Email bryan@bryanboy.com.

Jimmycrackcorn

Hklove 

#4 – I hope you liked Podcast #003. If you haven’t listened to it yet, click here to download it. I named my Podcast "Greetings From The Third World". I’m open to ideas and suggestions!

Greetings

#5 – Be sure to pay my online forum a visit. It’s free for god’s sake. I’m gonna go there in a bit to post a couple of things.

http://www.bryanboy.com/forum

#6 – OH MY GOD. I GOT PUBLISHED AT OKLAHOMA DAILY!. OKLAHOMA. Oh. my. god.

Anyway, I have NO idea where it is in the USA but all I know is Amber Valetta was born there.

Apparently I’m this "Filipino Socialite" and I "make out with European models".

SOCIALITE?

ME?

Oh jesus.

European Models?

Me?

Making out with them?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH

SHIT, I CAN’T GET A FILIPINO MODEL TO KISS ME ON THE LIPS LET ALONE MAKE OUT AND HAVE HORNY SEX WITH EUROPEAN MODELS.

Hilarious. I LOVE IT.

I like it that they featured me though. It’s one step to world domination. It’s nice to have readers from Oklahoma.

SOMEONE PLEASE SCAN THAT ARTICLE IF IT EVER GOT PRINTED AND EMAIL IT TO ME. I’LL GIVE FREE BLOWJOBS AND AN OREO COOKIE IF YOU DO. bryan@bryanboy.com.

Click here to read the article online.

I think that’s all for now. I gotta be up early tomorrow.

Email bryan@bryanboy.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.

I love you all.

Baboosh_3

PS. Discuss this blog post here.

15 Comments

  1. barriogirl

    Greeting from Oklahoma, Bryanboy! That online article is from the University of Oklahoma’s daily newspaper. I attend school there so if I can find it in print, I will definitely send it to you. BTW, I LOVE your site. Keep on doing what your doing, baby boy.

  2. i just lurve, lurve, lurve your bloggie! i found your blog from top pinoy blogs last week, and ever since, i never fail to check out your site. it’s so fun, fresh, one of a kind, funny and highly entertaining.I wish I’m your friend!!!!!!!!

  3. Ms. Eunice is sooo cocky. i love her. Btw, im yuri from Doha, Qatar (Doha the city and Qatar being the country) it’s like 55 mins by plane from Dubai (ohhh… usual reaction ). kindly make people aware hahahaha… Filipino too and damn bored here. Got ur link to one blogsite and after listening to ur podcast 003, i just got hooked.
    PS. ur way more glam tha les paris hilton with that hospital equip. i think u can do a season of simple life. and oh with that note i have a question: What “simple job” would u wanna mess up?

  4. oh my, your maid is learning quite fast from her “mentor”. why don’t you give her a make-over on her birthday? i think she secretly wants it.

  5. Loved the podcast. Love the skinny-drainpipes!
    #3 is mine! I want him!
    xxB
    p.s Hope no one you know was injured in the landslide. Keep well.

  6. Has anyone heard anything from Bryanboy since the MUD SLIDE in MANILLA?? Hope he’s safe.

  7. Hannah Matronic

    omg i want to sleep with celine’s spy bag. hey the head of cornell’s ob-gyne bought me a martini last week. highlight of my life. i miss you and i will give you that pic you’ve been asking for, but i forgot the message you wanted to go along with it.

  8. ms eunice is so lovable!
    Me: “Look at that woman’s Chanel bag. Isn’t it nice?”
    Eunice: “The bag is a fake cause the quilts aren’t aligned/the same”
    (Peke po yung bag kasi iyung maliliit na squares hindi po pantay pantay)
    Me: “Oh.”
    Classic!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>