Lights, Camera, Talk Metro!
Fuck! I THINK I totally fucked up on my LIVE interview earlier. I was sooo friggin nervous I ended up looking like a complete trainwreck… at least that’s what I felt. Cut me some slack though; I have the flu – fever, sore throat, cough and colds.
It’s a miracle I didn’t shat on my pants earlier.
Anyway, I wish I had illegal substances earlier to calm me down. I seriously would’ve opted for whatever River Phoenix had before he died outside The Viper Room.
DOWN SYNDROME in Dior Homme. That’s all I gotta say.
If you got a dollar everytime you heard me sigh, cough, laugh, snort (like a coke whore), say "um" or "you know", you’d be a millionaire by now. Thank god I didn’t fart!
The only thing that was missing was a fuckin loincloth… at least I’d fit my "ooga wooga mooga" caveman TV persona.
Shit, even my voice sounded soooo gay.
My voice is friggin irritating.
I sounded like a stuffy-nosed Irish drag queen on crack cocaine.
Both my hosts, Philipp and Caroline (sp? I forgot her name), were complete PROFESSIONALS. The questions were spot-on, I enjoyed their humor and they did the very best to make me feel comfortable. They also tried to rescue me whenever I get tongue-tied.
It’s a great opportunity and a fantastic learning experience though. It’s not often that I get to be on TV.
Natural high galore… it was FUCKING EXHILIRATING and NERVE WRACKING at the same time.
I’ll be honest… I’m actually NOT disappointed with the outcome.
Why? Because I sorta had a clue that I’m gonna be shit on TV.
If I’m gonna be fine on LIVE TELEVISION, dontcha think I should’ve been on TV ages and ages ago?
Let’s face it… I’m not built for TV.
Save it for people with perfect teeth and those who use whitening products.
What the heck… at least my makeup was good… thanks to my friend Xeng Zulueta, make-up artist extraordinaire (Shu Uemura). She got interviewed as well.
Ooooh I love Shu Uemura.
XENG… GIMME A LIST OF THE PRODUCTS YA USED ONE ME INCLUDING THE COLORS ETC SO I CAN BUY THEM WHEN I GO TO RUSTAN’S!
A family member (gasp) recorded the thing and the 20-minute interview is permantly etched on my head.
Note to people who are gonna be interviewed on TV soon:
1) Take lots of drugs. Get yourself relaxed by injecting the same stuff they use for lethal injections.
2) Learn how to speak eloquently. I sounded like a caveman on TV. Always remember: OOGA WOOGA MOOGA.
2) Stop making noises. In fact, do not MOVE. The only thing thats important are your eyes, your mouth and your clothes. Nothing else. Be a fuckin mannequin in front of the camera.
3) DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, INHALE or EXHALE throughout the interview. OXYGEN DEPRIVATION is the key for that perfect TV look.
4) Be straight to the point when giving out answers to your hosts. You have no time for mental block.
5) Xanax, Valium, Rivotril, Mogadon, Ambien, Vicodin. Swallow two of each and wash them down with a bottle of vodka.
Practice makes perfect. I know I’ll be better next time.
I HIGHLY DOUBT IF THERE WILL BE A NEXT TIME.
Now I know what those American Idol rejects feel…
Talk Metro. Every Saturdays at 8PM on ANC (ABS-CBN News Channel). It’s also available to viewers around the world via TFC (The Filipino Channel). Check with your local cable/satellite TV operator if it’s available in your area.
I’m not really a fan of this obese platinum blond aryan whore named PINK but her latest video brings home the bacon.
Visit this link to watch Pink’s latest video.
God I LOVE pop culture: the eternal quest to having the perfect, emaciated body via eating disorders and drug abuse, the ridiculous clothes, the trashiest accesories one can wear that’s worth several months of an average person’s salary, the belief that sex sells, the liposuctions, the cosmetic surgeries and the need to look plastic… I LOOOOOVE it all!
Maybe if I act like that, flippin my blond hair back, push up my bra like that…
I like the bit where she said….
Oh my god guys, I totally had like 300 calories that is soo not sexy.
*ugh* *vomit* *ugh*
I WILL BE SKINNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
I love it. I really do.
Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax
#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Cataluna, Spain, Kent, OH, Trenton, NJ, San Angelo, TX, Chicopee, MA, Fall River, MA, Hastings On Hudson, NY, Shawford, NH, Kanagawa, Japan, Burwood, NSW Australia, Ostfold, Norway, Leuven, Vlaams-Brabant Belgium, Jaguh, Johor Malaysia, all my friends who live in Trollhattan, Vastra Gotaland Sweden and of course, my homies in Severna Park, MD. I love, love, love, love you all!
#2 – Bryanboy gives a huge shout out to all his lovers and friends from Melbourne, Australia, especially Suz. Thanks darling, you’re sooo sweet.
Nikki (from Queens, NY if I’m not mistaken) sent me a picture of his love. In spite the fact that he didn’t show his face and he couldn’t spell my name right, it’s the thought that counts and I love him regardless.
#3 – I’m sure you people know how I despise photoshop. Here are 3 exceptions though. The first image came from Paul, who, in celebration of Australia Day, thought me and Cate Blanchett have similar features while the other one is from Joella who lives in Sweden.
This threesome photo brought a smile to my face, courtesy of a guy from Offtopic. I love it.. though that pic of me looks as if I have a hairy chest.
#4 – I didn’t go to that Paul Van Dyk event yesterday night. I’m not going out tonight either. I’m still sick. Not even the liquid strepsils thing I bought in Moscow last year could save my sore throat.
#5 – I finally found a webhost that offers at least 1 Terabyte of data transfer. Whew!! Dreamhost.com, say hello to Bryanboy.
I think that’s all for now. My throat, head, neck and back hurts. I think I’m gonna give birth now.
As always, you know where to contact me. Email email@example.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.