I'm Going To Take Over The World… and I'm Scared.

Written By bryanboy


Boohoo God knows why my throat is friggin sore. It’s been like this since late last week and it only keeps on getting worse. It feels as if there’s someone cutting my throat with a pair of garden shears. I haven’t been a bad boy; it’s been more than a month since my mouth got in contact with an unidentified throbbing object.

I think it’s time for me to seriously stop smoking.

Fuck, I’ve been smoking since I was 14, possibly younger. You can blame it on my cousins who taught me how to smoke while listening to Alanis Morisette in their car right on my grandma’s wake/funeral.

Soon. Promise.


It’s 5:39AM and I can’t sleep. At all. I haven’t been to my shrink since last year so I don’t have any prescription manna that would put me to heaven. Oh god, did I just say that?

I have this icky feeling at the pit of my stomach that won’t go away.

I tried to count sheep hoping it would induce dreams that involve a gorgeous, fit, 20-something prince charming with nice teeth and a nice smile plus a shopping spree at Chanel.


I got really disturbing thoughts instead.

May god rescue me from the horrors of insanity. I’m too young to be a nutcase!

1) I thought about my lower back pains. I’ve been getting these weird lower back pains the past few months now. It’s bad enough if I’m sitting in front of my desk… it gets worse as soon as I lie down. I asked myself (mentally, that is)  ‘I wonder if I should go to my dad’s room and tell him to bring me to the hospital now cause my back pains are really bad?’

2) I just spent 2-3 hours (we ended our conversation at 5AM!!!) chatting to a wonderful, new-but-not-so-new acquaintance who showered me with her wisdom and wise words. One thing she said that hit me really good was something along the lines of  "you really gotta love what you do because in the end it’s really not about the money that makes you go to work… it’s the love of the job."

3)  I really don’t know where I’m heading right now. I want a sense of direction but my mind’s all over the place. I want to do this. I want to do that. I forgot to do this. I forgot to do that. I gotta do this. I gotta do that. I KNOW I’m definitely going somewhere but it FEELS I’m not going anywhere.

Errr maybe I should change that to ‘I KNOW I’m not going anywhere but it FEELS I’m going somewhere’?

Know what I mean?

4) I think I might have lost weight. I felt my pelvic bone and my rib cage again!

5) I’m gonna die a happy woman if I get to meet former First Lady Imelda Marcos.

6)  You know, I actually thought about death too… I HATE IT when things like that pop in my head randomly. It feels as if I’m actually gonna die. I like to think of myself as immortal. Hello – I’ve said it many, many times. I want to be 75 and wear Oscar De La Renta.

It’s sooo creepy. It’s like, the more I think about death, the more I feel I’m gonna die soon. I wanted to bring it up on my blog before but the thought of me dying soon as a result of TALKING ABOUT DEATH itself bugs me.

Am I making sense? I hope so.

Shit, I think it was yesterday that I actually made a mental will of some sort. I don’t even wanna talk about it because of the fear that I might die soon.

Do you talk about wills and all? Probably not.




Today’s gonna be one heck of a day – I gotta be up by 11AM cause I have a meeting with one of the biggest fashion magazines in the Philippines. I’m gonna meet their Editor in Chief as well as a couple of editors. I’m also meeting a creative team later this afternoon to discuss a project I’m brewing.

It’s 6:24AM and I’m gonna try to go to sleep… for the umpteenth time this morning.

On that note, check out this video of Kate Moss. This is exactly why I love her. I loved the part where she banged her head to the fan.


Email bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492. Tell me I’m pretty. Tell me you love me.

Heck, if I managed to be the most beautiful creature Champs-Elysees had seen in years, I’m sure you can, too.

Sweet dreams and good night!



  1. B B, please don’t talk like that..you make me worried sick about you…I can’t imagine a day without reading the adventures of the fabulous Bryanboy!! You are right, you will bea major star…I’m just waiting for your tv pilot to be pick up ala “sex in the city, but from a B B slant!! Please take care of yourself, your public loves you!!

  2. hey, i know this really great sensei (is that how you spell it? anyhoo, those chinese doctors that study traditional medicines and massage) in singapore.. he will really really fix your back :) for SGD 70!!
    or maybe it’s just time you go to a chiropractor, it is reccomended by some US doctor association to go to a chiro at least twice a year.
    get well soon!

  3. goodness…i’m afraid of thinking about death too, even the mention of it (or premunitions of it).
    one time, i woke up and as i stretched i exclaimed, “I better do this because tomorrow I’m a goner,” referring to a project I did. that got me thinking “oh shit, did i just say that?”

  4. Barraculio J Palampatetot III

    before you load yourself up with more drugs for your backache, go see a Chiropractor! the only one i could recommend is Dr Jameson Uy (he’s prob the only Chiro in the Philippines). sorry i don’t have his number (im in Australia) but all i know is that his office/clinic is at the Jollibee Building in Ortigas Center. do yourself some good for a change… go see a Chiropractor. ;)
    JP of Oz

  5. Hey Bryan boy,how do you feel now? getting better? I accidentally came to your site and I enjoyed it sooooo much! I love your attitude.
    By the way, I’m strongly recommend you to visit a guy’s blog which is fabulous and hot too.I found you guys have something in common.You may not able to read his chinese input,but just take a took at these pics.
    Address: http://spaces.msn.com/lwhanz1981530/PersonalSpace.aspx
    Finally, I wanna say:”I <3 Bryanboy!"

  6. oh yeah. those thoughts bother me too. i’ve expected myself to die for like, a million times already. but i’m still here.
    so don’t worry, you’re not alone. hell, the thought of ageing even gives me goosebumps.
    that’s right, purge festival. think of; youth, beauty, chanel, dior. and you’ll be back to your senses in no time.

  7. oh yeah. those thoughts bother me too. i’ve expected myself to die for like, a million times already. but i’m still here.
    so don’t worry, you’re not alone. hell, the thought of ageing even gives me goosebumps.
    that’s right, purge festival. think of; youth, beauty, chanel, dior. and you’ll be back to your senses in no time.

  8. Ohhh, that vomiting picture is disgusting! But you’re right, you need to purge these terrible thoughts from your mind. I go through the same thing sometimes, unable to sleep at night, and worrying about dying. I find that a couple of Ambien or Xanax helps matters. I wish you peace of mind, Bryanboy; cute boys, Chanel sprees, and health and happiness. :)

  9. hi bryan! watched you together with xeng zulueta and two guys were so cool and hip! anyways i think Tim yap has now a rival..hehehe keep on rockin!

  10. I love you Bryan! You’re so ace and gorgeous and I wish I looked half as good as you in skinny jeans!
    You soooo have to come to Manchester, Uk and experience the ‘delights’ of my city!
    Lizzie x

  11. Michio Hori

    Please give me if you know new contact number of Dr. Jameson Uy. I can’t have contact to him with old number.
    Please help me.

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