Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax to Death

Written By bryanboy

Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax to Death

My sincerest apologies to each and every one of you for not doing a Random Cheesemax post in ages as I have been sailing the seven seas only a solo traveler can.

1. My Copenhagen photo album is up. Click here for photos. I told my gal pal Tina D. earlier than most of my pictures in Copenhagen were taken during the night time because that’s the only time I’m with someone. In response, she told me that all I have to do is to wait for Paris (she’ll arrive on Thursday), we’ll create a spectacle of ourselves and then we’ll camwhore to death.


2. Someone book me for an impromptu liposuction as soon as I get back. Damn European cold weather fucked my Daria Werbowy weight-to-height proportion. It’s bathing suit season in the friggin third world and the Anorexia Anonymous gang will bawk at the weight gain I suffered in the past month.



Passport3. Despite the fact that it has the same color as a first-world citizen’s snot, I value these little booklets filled with stickers and stamps as if they’re my birth certificate. I thought I dropped them at the Tivoli Park the other day and I spent no less than 4 hours looking for them (only to realize it’s in the safe).

I swear to god, I would die of shock, awe and horror if I lost my passport. I don’t want to be stuck in this beautiful yet lonely (and cold) city. I’d rather smuggle myself in FedEx boxes, one body part at a time, just to be back in the land of the brown, l’exotique and the natives.

4. I’m leaving for Riga, Latvia first thing tomorrow morning. It’s 8:58PM here and my flight departs at 9:35AM. I almost missed my flight from Stockholm to Copenhagen. God knows what time I’ll wake up. I’ll finish this blog post, pack my stuff and get my beauty sleep.

I really need to leave Copenhagen. Please, for the life of god, pray that I get up before 6AM. I really don’t want to miss my flight.

5. I’ve sent far too much stuff via FedEx over the past few years and the only time they failed me is when I sent a package from Moscow to Stockholm. Speaking of which, I most definitely need to come back to Moscow so I can pick up that package. Even for 1 night (which isn’t what I promised my friend Jane.).

I sent a box today to my hotel in Paris which contains William (my white dead fox), a Vuitton bag, my Birkin and a Gucci bag. I figured out that I’m not gonna use them in Riga, Latvia (I’m only there for 2 days) and it’s best to send it straight to the motherland of all things fabulous, Paris.

They better not fail me.

6. I can’t, for the life of god, find my cellphone charger and my Filipino SIM card no wonder I’m incommunicado. I hope I’ll find them when I pack my stuff.

7. OH MY FUCKING GOD. My younger-by-2-hours Olsen twin Hannah (who I promise to marry in a couple of years time provided we have a clause on our prenup that I can have sex with any guy I want without her asking for $$$), is a total nutcase. 




You’re absolutely right Hannah. Just like what you said, we’re gonna be just like the two of these when we get older.


8. It’s always polite (and trust me, it doesn’t hurt) to say Goodbye.


9. They better have internet access at my hotel in Riga. Oh god.

10. Bryanboy loves people from San Diego, CA, Stevenage, UK, Reston, VA, Tranbjerg, Denmark, Fort Worth, TX, Berlin, Germany, Benninghofen, Germany, Nashville, TN, Jamaica, NY, Allston, MA, Kingston, ONT Canada, Milan, Italy, Hoevelaken, Gelderland Holland, Summit Argo, IL, Beacon Falls, CT, Assendlse, Roskilde, Denmark and of course, people from Heidelberg, Germany. Bryanboy loves each and every one of you. Identify your asses bitches by saying hi.

And there you have it. I’ll post as soon as I arrive in Latvia.

I love you all.



  1. sebastian

    hey bryan!
    can’t stop laughing about the hilarious pics!
    to all the readers: if you read this and bryan is coming to your town, don’t hesitate to meet up with him!
    have fun in latvia and paris!

  2. sebastian

    hey bryan!
    can’t stop laughing about the hilarious pics!
    to all the readers: if you read this and bryan is coming to your town, don’t hesitate to meet up with him!
    have fun in latvia and paris!

  3. Aww. Your not fat. I would kill to be as skinny as you but eh. I love your site, for some odd reason your little adventures make me happy. <333 Saskatoon <3's You

  4. Dude if you stick out your stomach in a photo, of COURSE you’re gonna look pregnant! Don’t give me that crap that you don’t practice in front of a mirror every waking moment!
    And PLEASE stop fishing for compliments with that “I’m so fat” routine when you know damn well you’re thin as a wire coathanger! The only person who might consider you fat is Karen Carpenter.

  5. looks like you are having fun keep it up :) we dont want to see you crying anymore

  6. I love how when I google image search LIPODISSOLVE
    you are the 9th and 12th picture!
    you have truely made it bryan.

  7. Lipo sucks! Sure it’s easy but you’d be better off improving muscle tone, get a personal trainer with benefits to keep you motivated. Set your goals high, something like acheiving multiple passive anal orgasms, anything is possible !

  8. Hello, be glad you are male. You could have -2% body fat and still be considered healthy, haha. Us vaginally-inclined folk always have to deal with excess body fat in places we don’t want. Doctors are like, “It’s normal for women to have 17% body fat!” That makes me go “ew”. :(

  9. No, that’s not a passport. Passports are red, with a little ring of stars on the front. That said, my friend has a rather interesting HANDWRITTEN Russian passport.
    And stop being so anorexic.

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