The Great Fall of China

Written By bryanboy

The Great Fall of China

I finally found the cure to depression.

2 xanax pills, Badger Sleep Balm, a night’s worth of sleep, a 40+ year old man/driver (who I think should be a photographer instead because he took good pictures) and a car.

Let me tell you this: BEIJING IS FUCKING BREATHTAKING.

Greatwall_001

And I mean BREATHTAKING.

The traffic jams and the travel time to go from one place to another is WORTH IT.

I slept at around 10PM last night, got up at fuckin 4AM (then again at 7AM) and I was out of the hotel by 9.

Went straight to the Great Wall of China (Badaling) and boy oh boy, I was the most gorgeous and best-dressed person on the wall.

Greatwall_006
(Yep, that’s a Starbucks Americano right there)

Greatwall_002

As any tourist spot in the world, there were HORDES and HORDES of tourists and I know this goes without saying, they all look fucking hideous. H-I-D-E-O-U-S. Hahahahahahahaha!

Hideous

(Hey, don’t get me wrong. I LOVE tourists. A TON of them (particularly the Japanese, the Americans and the Spanish… who arrived via tour bus) took pictures of me. Man, if I got a dollar every time someone asked a photograph of me on the wall I’d be FUCKING rich (and on the top 10 of the Forbes’ list) by now.

I know any sane person will walk that gigantic brick architectural wonder with a pair of sneakers but come fucking on, it’s always nice to glam it up for all those photo ops.

Greatwall_005

I want my grandchildren (my adopted spawns’ offspring) to see pictures of me up the wall and say "my fabulous grandfather looked so American Vogue".

Greatwall_003

I’m kidding.

God I love the ego boost from all the stares I got earlier. Even those white tourists (a ton of Spaniards and Americans) took pictures of me because I’m SOOOO fucking beautiful.

I even rode this cute huge animal. It’s kinda like a horse but like it has these 2 weird mounds on its back. I forgot what they’re called. I see these whenever I watch the Discovery Channel and these are like all over the place in exotic places like Egypt or like Mongolia or whatever.

Hunchbackhorse

Apres Great Wall, I asked my driver to bring me to the Forbidden City.

It’s ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL.

(and huge)

I sashayed and powerminced its massive brick roads as if I’m a coked-up supermodel on the runway during New York Fashion Week whilst listening to my Hotel Costes 8 album on my ipod.

Forbiddencity

I’m ON A FUCKING ROLL!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I’m definitely coming back to Beijing… 36 hours is simply NOT enough. I’ll create a photo album (for more pictures) on this blog when I have the spare time.

I love you all! You know where to contact me. Email bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.

Baboosh!

P.S. I know I owe you a big random cheesemax. I’ll do one as soon as I get to Moscow. Love ya all!

28 Comments

  1. that cute huge animal is camel right?
    and i love ur boots.i cant imagine myself walking the great wall in boots.ur feets gone sore no?
    i like the pants :D

  2. you’re pictures look great! and i love how the people in the background are gawking at you. you should just employ that cabbie driver to be your official photographer

  3. Camel Toe

    OMG! LOVE LOVE LOVE the camel picture! Leave it to Bryanboy to ‘work it’ on a cud-chewing mammal!

  4. Hahaha. Natawa ko. For some reason, that camel shot and post was freakingly funny. Nice shot.

  5. Barraculio J Palampatetot III

    the white folk probably thought you’re an Imperial Eunuch! hehehehe….

  6. YOU’RE FUCKING FABULOUS.
    YOU’RE FUCKING FAMOUS.
    YOU’RE FUCKING BEAUTIFUL.
    And you know it.
    BUT AT LEAST YOU CAN’T POSE LIKE THAT ON A CAMEL DAMMIT!
    You look so funny!!! If I were there I would care for your alter ego and asked you not to pose like that.
    You look stupid, really. I love you, and so that’s why I must say this.
    STUPID POSE ON THE CAMEL!!!!!

  7. I love your outfit, you do look good on it.
    But you do look stupid on the camel. And how’d you manage the wall with your boots on? My mom said it was the pits climbing up and down the slopes.
    BTW, how were the public restrooms?

  8. God you look ridiculous. Guess why everyone took pictures of you… because you look damn straight ridiculous. You are a comedy on legs, the stereotype of a fashion victim. Lay of the logo’s boy, they suck. Cut down on the fur, because it is plain nasty. And you are a guy, stop dressing yourself up with womens accesoiries. Only then will people stop to think you are ridiculous and they will stop taking pictures, you’ll see….
    Bye now,
    Clara

  9. There is a special place in hell reserved for you, you stuck up, superficial, shallow, egotistical douchebag.
    You much have a huge ego to think that animals should have to die so you can feel “fabulous”. There is nothing fabulous about wearing the chemically preserved carcass of an animal who was slaughtered in some brutal way such as gassing, suffocation, live skinning, or anal electrocution (which I think you would probably enjoy a little too much). Hopefully there is such thing as karma or hell so you can feel the horrible pain and fear that those animals felt at the hands of snobby fur hags like yourself.
    You are a sick person and you should be skinned alive for what you do and the fur you endorse. Do the world a favor and die.

  10. You fucking idiot. People are taking pictures of you because you are a moron. They are going to show the pictures to their friends so they can spend hours laughing at the fairy they saw on vacation.

  11. Oh my lord, why are people so mean to you?
    This is my first time visiting your site, thanks to your hot pimp-action on Dlisted.
    You are hilarious and gorgeous, and a fashion prodigy.

  12. Steffy

    OMG ppl r being sooo f*king mean to you. Jealous B*tches! hahaha. I hear ya on the backpacking/luxuries vs few issue. You look hot as hell in your pics, don’t let em sweat ya baby. I viewd your site based soley on the camel pic from dlisted, all i could think was: “Who is that fabulous creature posing? hahaha. “You gotta work..covergirl” One word: FABULOUS!

  13. Amen to whoever said you are trap in the LOGO OBSESSED, FASHION VICTIM, TRYING HARD WANNABE…club…overkill in style, overkill in drama….flaunting your riches and receipts to make people aware that you are “actually” buying real brands…
    But then again…you shouldn’t be taken seriously…
    You are an amusement to everyone who reads your post..suckers!

  14. Fabulous, the shots a little desperate at times. I think your absurd grasp on fashion and glamour is what the world needs more of. Keep it up!
    Love, YALEN

  15. joane Laygo

    i love ur photos in beijing..
    & i definitely ur outfit…keep it up!!!!
    young & fashionable!!!
    joane

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