The Great Fall of China

I finally found the cure to depression.

2 xanax pills, Badger Sleep Balm, a night’s worth of sleep, a 40+ year old man/driver (who I think should be a photographer instead because he took good pictures) and a car.

Let me tell you this: BEIJING IS FUCKING BREATHTAKING.

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And I mean BREATHTAKING.

The traffic jams and the travel time to go from one place to another is WORTH IT.

I slept at around 10PM last night, got up at fuckin 4AM (then again at 7AM) and I was out of the hotel by 9.

Went straight to the Great Wall of China (Badaling) and boy oh boy, I was the most gorgeous and best-dressed person on the wall.

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(Yep, that’s a Starbucks Americano right there)

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As any tourist spot in the world, there were HORDES and HORDES of tourists and I know this goes without saying, they all look fucking hideous. H-I-D-E-O-U-S. Hahahahahahahaha!

Hideous

(Hey, don’t get me wrong. I LOVE tourists. A TON of them (particularly the Japanese, the Americans and the Spanish… who arrived via tour bus) took pictures of me. Man, if I got a dollar every time someone asked a photograph of me on the wall I’d be FUCKING rich (and on the top 10 of the Forbes’ list) by now.

I know any sane person will walk that gigantic brick architectural wonder with a pair of sneakers but come fucking on, it’s always nice to glam it up for all those photo ops.

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I want my grandchildren (my adopted spawns’ offspring) to see pictures of me up the wall and say "my fabulous grandfather looked so American Vogue".

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I’m kidding.

God I love the ego boost from all the stares I got earlier. Even those white tourists (a ton of Spaniards and Americans) took pictures of me because I’m SOOOO fucking beautiful.

I even rode this cute huge animal. It’s kinda like a horse but like it has these 2 weird mounds on its back. I forgot what they’re called. I see these whenever I watch the Discovery Channel and these are like all over the place in exotic places like Egypt or like Mongolia or whatever.

Hunchbackhorse

Apres Great Wall, I asked my driver to bring me to the Forbidden City.

It’s ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL.

(and huge)

I sashayed and powerminced its massive brick roads as if I’m a coked-up supermodel on the runway during New York Fashion Week whilst listening to my Hotel Costes 8 album on my ipod.

Forbiddencity

I’m ON A FUCKING ROLL!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I’m definitely coming back to Beijing… 36 hours is simply NOT enough. I’ll create a photo album (for more pictures) on this blog when I have the spare time.

I love you all! You know where to contact me. Email bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS +63-915-785-1492.

Baboosh!

P.S. I know I owe you a big random cheesemax. I’ll do one as soon as I get to Moscow. Love ya all!