Rollin’ With Mah Homies

It’s official. Moscow is indeed my second home. I love, love MOCKBA.

It’s soo full of the nouveaux riche it’s like finding long lost brothers and sisters, wearing their in-your-face-wealth-is-stealth clothes in an enormous lost and found area.

In fact, I feel very old money already.

If you think I’m bad, you have to see some of the Russians I’ve seen – they’re all fabulously dressed – everything has a fucking label on it. I, on the other hand, mix up "designer" with non-designer pieces; for instance, I wore my Missoni oversized cardigan + belt, Fendi sweater, Hermes belt, ZARA corduroy pants and Frye boots.

I went to Stoleshnikov Pereulok yesterday, a little brick road, home of Dior, Hermes, Vuitton et al and a ton of women (and some men, their husbands/sugar daddy) gave me the smile, the approving nod and the hi/hellos/where are you froms.

I think it’s because of my Birkin bag and my oh so fabulous chinchilla.

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Courtesy of Reality_Chic, who said my Chinchilla picture reminds me of her.

When I went to the Hermes shop to take a look at their stock, this Russian woman had a Fendi bag filled with CRISP, cold, hard cash, complete with rubber bands. It was around 900,000 rubbles, which is roughly around US$31,000. You should’ve seen the look on my face when I saw that – it was the same face I had when Jane brought me shopping last year.

Palazzo Ducale

I met up with my Russian gal pal Jane again (I’ve known her for like a year yet it was only a few months back that I found out her Russian name is Evgenia/Eugenia). We went to her dad’s favourite Italian restaurant in Moscow, the Palazzo Ducale. It is one of Moscow’s poshest restaurants.

The food was scrumptious. I had a shrimp cocktail (generous, generous servings) and some fillet. Even the bellini was divine. Jane had a salad and risotto.

Food

Jane’s been a complete gentlewoman to bring me there. We had a great table… in fact, it was so great that my brown Fendi logo-a-gogo v-neck matches the decor. Hah! 

Palazzoducale

Apres-dinner, we had a little kiddie fun with her leftovers because her food was soooo black.

Err.. SHE had kiddie food fun.

I hesitated.

After all, I’m the epitome of class, high-low-hi-whore society and glamour (as in G-L-A-M-O-U-R MAGAZINE).

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Jane, you bitch, you looked really, really, really scary on these 2 pictures.

It’s official. I now have emotional scars. I’m scarred for life!

After Palazzo Ducale, we had coffee at some coffee shop that’s quite trendy with the 20 and 30-something Moscow crowd. I forgot the name.

Soberbitch

Coffee

Jane had to go home after coffee and I met up with another old friend, Kate.

The Red Cap

I joined Kate, Nastya (who I called Nasty Nastya), another Kate (who left for St. Petersburg today) on a little "hen night" at Red Cap.

Stripclub

This is what I love about Moscow – it’s a city full of the unpredictable.

Who would have thought there’s actually a STRIP CLUB just for women?

Kate knows the manager there so I was able to get in for free, otherwise I would have paid US$100 for the entrance.

IT WAS QUITE OVERWHELMING TO BE HONEST! IT WAS SOOO SURREAL!!

IT’S LIKE, OH MY GOD, IT’S THE FIRST TIME TO BE IN A STRIP CLUB!

IT’S NOT EVEN LIKE A STRIP STRIP STRIP CLUB FILLED WITH DIRTY OLD PENSIONERS LOOKING FOR A SHAG… IT’S A STRIP CLUB FILLED WITH NEW-MONEYED RUSSIAN GIRLS, 18 – 30 YEARS OLD.

All these young girls actually pay a shitload of money only to be surrounded by a ton of STEROID-ANDROIDS (oh yes, the muscle mary to girl ratio was like 3 muscle marys for every girl/patroness).

I was laughing so hard inside when you hear things like "ooo you choose a guy for me", "who do you like best on the stage?", "she went to the bar to order a guy for her".

These girls pay like US$50 for 30 minutes of TALK time – yes – just talk… and hugs… and whatever.

God… these "hen" nights…

When those 3 girls ordered their guys and I told them it’s best for me to go home.

How old were the girls? 22, 18 and 20.

I on the other hand, the oldest of the bunch, chickened out and went home at 3:30AM.

THANK GOD THOSE STRIPPERS DON’T SPEAK ENGLISH.

AND SINCE MY FAMILY MEMBERS (ESPECIALLY MY PARENTS) ARE READING MY BLOG

NO, I DIDN’T TOUCH ANY OF THE STRIPPERS.

NO, I DIDN’T HAVE SEX WITH ANY OF THEM. GOD KNOWS WHERE THEY STICK THEIR POLES.

ALL I DID WAS SIT ON ONE CORNER OF A TABLE LOOKING AT THE ENTIRE PLACE BECAUSE IT WAS SOOO SURREAL.

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Best of all I didn’t spend anything, not even a single cent, penny or rubble – Kate took care of EVERYTHING, including my 4 gin tonics and 2 red bulls.

The only thing I paid for is my cab fare back to the hotel.

Overall I had a jolly good time.

HANNAH MATRONIC, you should’ve come to Moscow. I know you like your muscle mary Filipino male models/C-list celebs without any money!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Wake up and smell the fresh air babe. You have to come here. THIS IS THE OFFICIAL HEADQUARTERS OF THE INTERNATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF YOUNG, UNDER-25, SUGAR MOMMYS/MATRONS-IN-TRAINING! I feel sorry for your brown Filipino ass celebrating thanksgiving in Middleofnowhere, NY state.

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Don’t be depressed bitch. We’ll see each other in December.

(yes, there’s this nagging voice deep down inside that I DOOOOO miss home)


Click for Moscow, Russia Forecast

As always, you know where to contact me. Email bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS me at my new Russian mobile number, +7-926-437-6332.

Baboosh!