Damn Daria, Coco Cool, Shopping Shopping (Again)

Damn Daria

Does anyone know how Daria Werbowy got potty trained as a child?

I'm having the worst time of my life training my bitch, Daria (pictured above), when it comes to excretion. My little baby of a pooch ruined far too many bed sheets and rugs with her piss and shit - literally.

My room smells that of dog poo and no amount can air freshener and lysol can remove the disgusting smell.

Trust me love,  I don't HAVE a sense of smell yet I know how my dog's pee smells like.

I've been thinking of going to a fucking sex shop just to buy a damn butt plug. You know, get her some double chitty chitty bang bang action on both of her orifices.

If you live in the capital of the land of the brown, the l'exotique and the natives and know of a good puppy school/dog trainer, please let me know.

Email bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS +63-9157851492. Preferably in the Alabang area, unless your dog school has a luxury shuttle service. My pooch refuses to ride a bus.

I'm a loving person. Seriously. I love animals. I really do. Fuck, I even support the fur industry. That's how I love animals. Do you even know how hard it is to maintain fur in the third world when a thing such as "fur storage" is nonexistent?

Anyway, I can't do the old-school way of spanking your puppy and rubbing their faces on their feces. Yuck.

My mom told me all it takes is a little time and patience but those two words does NOT exist on my dictionary.

Time and patience my fucking ass - she once told me that when I used to play with my OWN shit in my crib back when I was a breastfeeding infant.

Ick. Terrible mental picture I'm telling you.

Coco Cool

I finally found some spare time lying on the floor earlier.

I'm telling you, I am sooo gonna be nouveaux poor next year, especially with the latest accesswah from Chanel.

THIS IS MY NEW HANDBAG RIGHT THERE. I'M TELLING YOU - I'LL BE THE FUTURE OWNER OF THAT BAG!!!!!!!!!

I really, really, really like that bag... and the little charm on it. I'm not too keen on the bracelet though.

The bag is sooo mine it's not even funny.

In fact, this me NEXT YEAR... sans the red skirt suit. Ick. I like the shoes though. Gorgeous.

Next!

Ok, this bag is kinda cute at first glance. However, upon closer inspection, it looks like something that belonged to the Cabbage Patch kids. Yuck.

The gold clutch is cute. What can it hold though? Boy George's 13 grams of cocaine?

Now this is something I like. Hardcore hardware at its finest.

Shopping Shopping (Again)

4 more weeks before I embark on my fall/winter escapade and here I am stuck with no clothes to wear.

After much contemplation while having an abortion at the toilet bowl earlier, I have 2 options:

a) Buy a ton of clothes and accessories before I leave. Who cares about excess luggage - at least I'll have all my outfits ready. Hats, scarves, tops, trousers, coats, belts, shoes and of course, handbags. Even if I'm not gonna use ALL of them. At least all my suitcases are packed to the max, leaving me NO space for shopping (which means I'll be saving money). No shopping means more time for me to channel my inner Dora the Explorer.

or

b) Buy a few more items (just a few more, to satisfy my thirst) and then bring a huge suitcase filled with empty bags only to fill them up in Beijing. Screw the Great Wall of China (although I've always wanted to go there). Why go to the Great Wall when I can stock up on a ton of real fur garments - chinchilla, mink, fox, rabbit, nutria, beaver, coyote, sable, lynx, kid, goat, you name it, they got it.

I think I'll go on a massive web hunt and see what I can buy. Gotta flex my plastic's muscles baby.

I've been lusting over this coat for the past 3 months now. I think this is what a good autumn coat is made of. Coat made by Chloe, € 2295.00 at Luisa Via Roma. Unfortunately, it's only available in navy and not in black. I like it in black though, not Navy.

Bryanboy Loves... and Random Cheesemax

#1 - Bryanboy loves people from Hillsdale, MI, Long Beach, CA, New York, NY, Ubbhult, Sweden, De Valk, Netherlands, Loomis, CA, Lemon Grove, CA (my god, quite a ton of Californians today eh?) Rahway, NJ, Montvale, NJ, Wayzata, Minnesota (who knew such city existed?) and of course, people from Kingsford, Michigan. Bryanboy loves y'all! Identify yourselves bitches and say hello!

#2 - That Demi Moore bitch looks pretty. I like her lips on that cover of Vogue Paris. Gorgeous. Fucking gorgeous. If she keeps on getting prettier and prettier I may consider plastic surgery.

#3 - I better start working on my article. I have 2 articles to write, one is way, way overdue and I have another one due next week.

#4 - Calling all self-tan fanatics. Has any one of you tried the new Dior Bronze range? I mean, I know they changed packaging, but have they changed what's inside those magic tubes? I've been thinking of buying a couple of tubes at Eluxury.com (Shimmering Glow Body Self-Tanner is priced at $27).

#5 - I've booked myself for a facial later this afteroon. My face needs some tender loving bittersweet torture. Can't wait.

This post is sponsored by:

As always, you know where to contact me. Email bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS +63-915-7851492.

I love you all.

Baboosh!