You're Invited: Kelly's Baby Shower

Written By bryanboy

You’re Invited: Kelly’s Baby Shower

My god, imagine the shock and horror I got earlier.

I’m sure you’ve noticed that Kelly isn’t really the type who goes out with me all the time, even if she’s my nouveaux best friend.

She likes to keep things low-key and quiet because she always ends up as an object of sexual affection whenever we go out.

You’ve seen some of her photos with the public – she’s been raped, been gangbanged, been 69’ed… she’s done it all!

No wonder she’s been quiet for the past few weeks; little did I know that she was pregnant.

I only found out today….

When she gave birth.

We’re not talking about nests here darling. She’s allergic to anything that belongs to a farm. That’s why she moved to the city, with me.

This little orange bird flu-immuned ball-buster of a creature gave birth to 2 eggs on my vintage 2001 Prada fox fur collar.





The gift registry is also available. Unfortunately, we’re on a time crunch; be sure to check the registry and shower pages often – we can’t wait to post our Tiffany & Co. registry! For now, we have Gump’s (I love Gumps) and Macy’s (bah! but still..)

If you can guess what* the offspring will be, Kelly and will send you a US$50 gift certificate at any online store of your choice, for example,

*You have to be specific on what it is.

It can be a boy, a girl, a pair of rubber chicks, a new boyfriend, a new girlfriend, a dildo, a vibrator, a dog, a cat, a bird, a toy, a new handbag, a new pair of sunglasses, it can be anything! Just guess!

Only one entry per person is allowed. To join, simply email with your best guess on what it is exactly inside those 2 eggs.

Deadline ends on Thursday, October 6, 2005, local (YOUR) time, wherever you may be in the world.

Also, please feel free to pass this message to anyone that you know. Publicity is always nice. The more publicity we have, the more gifts that we’ll get. We’re selfish and greedy. You know what I mean.

The winner will be announced on her baby shower, which is on the 7th and Kelly’s H-day (hatching day) is on the 8th.

Questions? Let me know!



  1. Send my congratulations. Thats fantastic for the slutty bird! Here’s hoping she teaches her chicks different ways of life so they don’t accidents of their own!

  2. OMG.. fucking kelly up the duff,hahaha..
    one question.. whats with all the fucking cutlery on the shower list??.. is kelly like.. a mag pie.. is she attracted to shiney spoons??.. or does she just like to spoon??.. hmmm…
    congrats brando! loves ya XX

  3. Please, stop already...

    Bryanboy – You do realize, that someday, you will look back on this whole rubber chicken thing and say to yourself, “What the HELL was I thinking?”

  4. Crystal

    To clarify, since I sent a shitty link, click on the “FZ” button in the lower left.
    This will probably only entertain myself, and for that, I apologize.

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