Happy Birthday Bryanboy.com!

Happybirthday

Pop open your virtual Cristal and Clicquots bottles and greet my little website a jolly first birthday.

Believe it or not, over 2 million computers worlwide had a taste of my third world arrogance and pretentiousness over the past year.

Thank YOU… each and every one of YOU for spreading the word around.

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE you all!

Cheers!

Bring Out the Missoni!

Don’t you just love the rain?

I do.

Gray skies, a light breeze, H2O falling from the sky…it’s enough to justify cashmere, wool and mohair.

I don’t care if it’s 24 degrees celsius outside… that’s the closest thing we have to winter you bitches.

Screw Filipino people and their tacky nylon "windbreakers".

Ugh. Please, for the life of god, stop wearing such hideous garments.

Wear your nylon jackets, I’ll wear my cashmere, my wool and my mohair, thank you very much.

Fashion first before comfort.

I don’t care if I sweat inside as long as it’s not visible AND I look FUCKING fabulous on the outside.

Missoni

(Don’t get me wrong – sweat is NEVER fabulous. A couple of sweat beads on your upper lip is enough to unglamourize an ensemble. Take it from experience. If you’ve got a sweaty upper lip, I’ve got a sweaty body – they don’t call me sweaty betty for nothing. The heat in this cesspit of a third world civilization is PURE torture, I’m telling you.)

The Missoni is gorgeous, non?

Gorgeousmissoni

One last gorgeousness and I’m out.

Nosepicker

I Have Seen the Future

… and all I can think of is the past and the present.

Meet Bryanboy’s borderline 80-something (or so she says, but we all know old women lie about their ages) grandma.

Grandma

Images of liposuction and extreme plastic surgery pumped my scared mind.

I want to be as fabulou as Nan Kempner SANS liver spots, warts, wrinkles, veiny limbs, saggy skin, etc.

She’s spending the night over at our humble abode because my parents and some of my siblings went on a quick vacation. It’s just me, our maids and my grandma and her driver whos here in my house.

I went to Firma earlier, one of my favourite shops in Manila where they sell a wide variety of chic knick-knacks and bought this aquamarine-colored glass beaded necklace. I told her to try it on so I can take a picture of her.

Let’s just say I LOVE my grandma to BITS but that necklace would look FUCKING GOOD on me if I wore it with a plain white tank top and some jeans.

I love you nana!

Congratulations, Snuggles79!

Prima facie evidence that weight watchers (at least in the UK) is effective. Look at what "snuggles79" achieved in 9 months.

Visit his web page to see his photos:
http://www.outpages.com/snuggles79

Snuggles79

I wonder if weight watchers can make me skinny, too.

Bryanboy Loves and Random Cheesemax

#1 – Bryanboy loves people from 

#2 – I went to Embassy #2 and it looks like my visa will be approved. Unless they see this cheesemax, feel guilty and deny me when I go back.

The good thing about their embassy is how they make sure your documents are in order BEFORE you pay for the visa fee at a bank – yes, they don’t accept payments right there at the embassy. You HAVE to WASTE A COUPLE OF HOURS to go to a bank just to pay for your applicaton. Their reasoning behind this red tape drama is how they WANT to view your documents first before they make you pay the fee. If you paid the fee, all you need to do is to come back (AGAIN) at the embassy, submit your payment receipt and your passport and off your passport goes so they can stamp the visa.

If they have a problem with your documents, they’ll see you home and ask you to comply with their guidelines (therefore you won’t have to pay for the fee) because your application will most likely be declined.

That’s the good thing about this embassy – I guess they’ll only make you pay if they know you’re gonna be approved and if not, then they won’t ask you to pay for the fee, unlike others.

Next step for me?

All I need to do is to come back on Monday, queue for 2 hours, hand them my proof of payment for the visa fee AND THEN wait for 10 "working days" for them to stick a damn stamp on my passport.

Thing is, I’m leaving on NOVEMBER 15th!

Here’s what boggles me even further.

Me: How long is your fastest processing time? I saw on your flyer that you have 3 working days processing (this is the one I had last year) and a next and same-day process.

Her: 10 days

(followed by her closing the door in front of my face)

HOW RUDE IS THAT?

See what I’m telling you about being the mercy of others? It’s a position I hate next to doggie style.

If I didn’t need anything from then I would’ve slapped and spat at her in the face, told her she’s as big as a fucking elephant and she smells like funeral flowers.

But no…

I have to play the nice and sweet "oh, ok" game.

Word of warning – I had a different consul this time compared to the one I had last year. My consul back then was a nice and accommodating lady.

This one though was the WORST and RUDEST consul I’ve met in my ENTIRE life. I wanted to ask her a few questions but she was dowright cold.

Anyway, I have a feeling the bitch wore vintage Dior.. Her jacket and skirt had "buckles" in various positions, like the hem of her skirt (diagonally). The print of her skirt suit was AWFUL though.

She really was a complete BITCH – I submitted 2 tourist visa applications because I wanted 2 "single-entry visas". I don’t a double-entry visa because according to their policy, their tourist visas are only limited to a 30 day max. I’m staying 3 weeks in her country, followed by 2 weeks of galoping around a couple more contries and finally, a week back again that rude evil troll’s country so I can take that famous train (or somethin) to yet another country. It’s the perfect journey for a lifetime!

But no, this bitch consul disregarded my 2nd applicaton for the 2nd leg of my trip and acted as if I didn’t submitted anything. She’ll only consider the first application.

I remember her telling me that she might give a double entry visa but I gotta do your 2nd entry within 30 days.

I DON’T WANT TO DO MY 2nd ENTRY IN 30 DAYS!

Sod it. I WANTED to explain how she was misundertsood (I explained my case eloquently) but the fat girl behind a counter probably couldn’t understand a word of english so I’ll chalk it down to experience.

These embassy people are fucking insensitive.

Really.

There you are, a legitimate tourist who will burn your money in their motherland, and then they’re acting all hoity toity in YOUR cuntry (no pun intended – I love my CUNTRY)… UGH!

I’m 100% sure these expats are the ones who leave supermarket carts in the parking lot.

Oh yes. Their faces look familiar.

YOU KNOW WHAT’S EVEN FUNNY?

Her country is one of the most powerful nations of the world but a TON of their citizens are dirt poor, just like Filipinos.

Thank god they don’t have street children though but they have the MOST number of heroin addicts in the world.

I won’t tell you what that country is.

Enough bitching with the embassies. You all probably have NO idea what I’m talking about anwyay, LOL!!!

Here’s my visa tally so far
Destination1 – Approved
Destination2 – Most Likely to be Approved if not Approved already. Problem lies in the delay as to when can I get my passport cause I’ll be submitting the visa fee receipt on Monday – it takes about 10 WORKING days from the payment of the fee for them to process my application… and I’m leaving on NOVEMBER 10!!!!!
Destination 3 – May not have time to apply for this one. I have an appoinment on Friday so I’ll ask whether they require my passport to be in their place as I apply for yet another visa on their embassy.
Destination 4  Nothing.. Absolutely nothin. I haven’t applied yet.

#4 – God I’m freaking out as I’m typing. I’m hallucinating and I can see people standing up, mingling, drinking etc at the corder of my eye. I think it’s the side effects of going for 2 days without sleep and downin a xanax.

#5 – If you’re living in the land of the bown, the natives and l’exotique, be sure to buy a copy of the Philippine Daily Inquirer tommorrow, Saturday. I’m THERE = and I want YOUR  feeback.

I love you all!!! Email bryanboy@gmail.com or SMS: +63-915-785-149.
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Baboosh!