Bryanboy Needs *YOU*!
I’m in need of hot boys and anorexic girls so I can pimp them and get a shitload of money.
Eeew. I’m kidding.
I already have a hard time pimping myself let alone peddle other people’s flesh, souls, orifices and dignities.
Someone around here needs to be filthy rich (that’s me darling, NOT you.. alright… you make me rich and I’ll drag you along… we’ll both be swimming in money) and I need your help to achieve that dream.
I don’t usually like to talk about business because I NEVER mix my personal and professional lives (don’t ask me what I do for a living – I’ll tell you I’m a whore, a funeral director, a fluffer and a porn star – all you gotta do is pick the best aswer) but one of my independent contractors have quit on me because she’s about to give birth and I can totally understand where she’s coming from.
Enough drama. I’ll cut through the chaff and go straight to what I need.
I’m an equal opportunity chu chu bells person (all ages, race, underwear type, etc are welcome to apply) but I have to let you know that I’ll most likely hire people based in the land of the brown, l’exotique and the natives aka Philippines.
Position: Web Editor
- you must be internet savvy
- you must have your own computer at home
- you must have high-speed internet access
- you must have an Instant Messenger program (Yahoo! or MSN Messenger)
- you must be proficient with a graphics software (preferably Macromedia Fireworks)
- you must have great HTML and CSS skills; experience with Macromedia Dreamweaver
- priority will be given to those with excellent English (this is where the English Nazis can be useful; trust me, my English is CRAP) and copyediting skills.
- crop images for web use
- upload images
- update various websites/web pages/blogs
- design and develop websites, web pages and graphics
- manage and create online affiliate programs
Things to keep in mind:
- the greatest thing about this position is the fact that you get to work at the comforts of your own home; you can go to school/office/do your own thing during the day and work for me at night and/or vice-versa
- any work created belongs to me, my firm and/or my clients. You won’t be allowed to use any work that you create as part of your own respective portfolios.
- our relationship will be that of an independent contractor/client and NOT that of an employer/employee
- you will be responsible for paying for your own taxes, social security, healthcare, etc.
- you need to be available for 30 "work" hours per calendar week – which means it includes the weekends. it is up to you to divide such time, for instance, 3 hours today, 6 hours tomorrow, etc. all you have to do is to report to me via email/phone/instant messenger when you’ll be available/unavailable.
- you’ll need to use a time-tracking software (I’ll give you a copy) where you need to "punch-in/punch-out" before and after you work.
- you will only be paid for work (aka billable) hours; you won’t be paid for "idle" time.
- you’ll need to sign a confidentiality, subcontractor and non-compete agreements so both our arses are protected
- send me your CV/resume via email – email@example.com
- include any work samples; if you have a blog or a website, include the URLs
- include how much you’ll charge for those 30 hours (per week) and an hourly rate outside those 30 hours; be reasonable – I know how labor is cheap in the fucking Philippines so don’t charge me extortionate rates.
- free labor is good, too. i can pay you in methods other than cash if you want.
Email firstname.lastname@example.org. DO NOT call my cellphone because I don’t pick up calls from people whose numbers are unknown to me. My cellphone is published online so that people can tell me they love me by text; those are nice to get whenever I’m feeling down.
Please feel free to forward this post to anyone.