Fabulous! Adopt Me Please?

Fabulous! Adopt Me Please?

Or maybe not.

I was doing my finances earlier as I need to submit all my 3rd quarter receipts to my accountant first thing on Monday morning and I came to the following conclusion:

- All my expenditures at Hermes are considered as a lifetime investments
- All my expenditures at Chanel are considered as a long-term investments
- All my expenses at Dior are considered as short-term investments
- Everything else is instant gratification
- If I keep on spending the amount of money that I've spent between June 1, 2005 to date,  I will only last until September 30, 2007 before I'll be left with $0 under my name.
- My Amex bills (2 cards) for this month is enough to buy a 2005 Porsche 911 but I ended up spending it all on clothes, accessories, shopping and travel expenses... and I gotta pay it off in full. This is a big leap when my overall spending on one of my charge cards on July 2005 is a mere US$900.
- I may have nice accessories but I have the crappiest car ever and I still live with my parents.
- I don't justify the value of my accessories... I still look like a cheap $150 prostitute whether or not I'm carrying the Birkin, the 2.55 or the East/West Flight bag.

I also came across this thought:

Why on earth did my parents chose to be normal, good-natured, law-abiding citizens?

Where's the fun in that when they could've chosen to be riding the gravy train like friggin politicians, army generals or political cronies.

Seriously, I wish I was a politician's unwanted love child.

At least I'll be sent to friggin places all over the world to "study" when in reality I'm just another political spawn enjoying their ill-gotten wealth.

But no, here I am, stuck in self-made, nouveau riche hell with annual clothing budgets and such.

How unfortunate.

I have to work in order for me to spend the way I want to spend. If I don't work then I won't be able to spend.

(Ok... I can, but, it will require a ton of ass-kissing to my parents and I'll be locked up inside the birdcage until I die.)

Isn't that really sad?

Why oh why oh why oh why can't I have boxes upon boxes of hardcore cash delivered outside my doorstep each and every day coming from illegal gambling?

Why oh why oh why oh why can't I be a beneficiary of a congressman's monthly funding budgets? You know, why should they spend dough on some bridge in the middle of nowhere, Philippines when they can send me to Paris and buy my first ever haute couture cross-dressing dress?

That's the way it works here unfortunately.

Fuck, it's not fabulous if you're working in order to spend. I think it's fabulous when you do not have to work in order to spend.

BTW, I hope I didn't offend any spoiled rotten politicians' children with this post. I love you all - at least we have something in common - we like to fuel the global economy with our expenditures. The difference however is the fact that you have more spending money than I do and I have to work for mine, which is a sad thing.

To those of you my foreign readers, gawd, if you only knew how powerful these young honchos are - they have men with guns who will kill you if they don't like you.

So... there's really not much that we can do but to embrace their fabulousness. Oh yes, those people are fabulous too. I'll give you a pictionary example.

Children of the Il-Gotten Wealth Kind have to keep a low-profile and live in plain jane clothes. Here's an example. It's a picture of The Royal Triplets of the Rice Fields who have to wear their ultra fabulous tribal clothes on their normal, day-to-day lives. Isn't it so Gaultier mixed with Marni?

(BTW, I invite you to visit our homeland, the land of the brown, the l'exotique and the natives. It has a ton of beautiful places like the one above)

Not even Calamine Lotion can fix the itch that they have whenever they WANT to go all out and spend such ill-gotten wealth. If they go arriba arriba in Roberto Cavalli, Versace and Dolce & Gabbana, they'd be subjects of scrutiny (or should I say security) in our homeland. They know they can't do it. So they do it a different way - they buy mansions and they buy fancy cars.

If these Royal Triples of the Rice Fields have nothing to hide, they'd be like this, all out in the open, in the pages of Vogue, of course.

Triplet #2 is realy a cross-dresser. Don't be fooled by her looks. This is what HE looks like when he goes shopping:

And you know what they do to those with ill-gotten wealth. They put them in prison. Or maybe not if they have connections in the government, which chances are, they do.

And normal people like me don't.

Anyway, I don't want to judge anyone. I'm sure they're great, genuine people with the same problems that we have. I'm sure they have their own hardships and struggles, you know, like the pain they get everytime a scandal breaks out etc.

But god oh dear god, is there any politician out there who would want me to be their adopted child?

I'm only 16 years old! I'm still a minor!

You can launder your money thru money - spend it on me - buy me more clothes, shoes and accesories! If the FBI or CIA wants to know where the money came from I'll tell them I'm a prostitute!

Afterall, with my good looks, my charm, 20 bottles of vodka and some Xanax, anyone who is anyone would be willing to pay me 7 figures just to give them a little ass spanking.

Welcome to the land of the brown, the l'exotique and the natives.

Baboosh!