Dirty Old Stalker, Handbag Insider

Written By bryanboy

Dirty Old Stalker

This man has been stalking me for the past few months now. His disgusting trash of an english ass won’t stop sending me messages. I think he wants to impregnate me and be his personal houseboy. As if I’d touch dirty dishes. Heck, I even ask my fucking maid to fuckin clear the ashes on my Hermès ashtray let alone wipe some elderly man’s poop chute before bedtime.


Go hunt some other sucky sucky 5 dolla fool you fucking twat cause this gook ain’t gonna touch your filthy AIDS stick.

My god, is he a fucking freak or what?

Someone should call the Scotland Yard on him for preying on young, innocent children such as myself.

Aren’t there any laws to protect the young and the restless?

His sheer existence on this planet is pretty much a crime to humanity… child abuse at its finest.

Even if I was a frigging whore I’d be selective of who I’d get fucked (and get paid by) because there’s no way I’m giving 15-minute gratification to a minimum waging pensioner in this life.

The gold digger in me will only procreate to people who belong to the Fortune 100 Bachelors list.

At least that’s what I learned in the "This Is How We Do Things Our Way" handbook of life.

Handbag Insider

I know, I know…

To further prove my bragging, self-validation-desperate, attention whoredom persona, I thought I’d do one of those "what’s inside your handbag" posts. The last time I did it was back in November of last year. I think I’m gonna do it more frequently from now on.

What do you expect? It’s fucking 2:44AM, I can’t sleep, and I’m in desperate need of a shower (hence the handbag spill at the back of my Chanel towel) – I’m too lazy to find a plain white backdrop for my goodies at this time of the night.


Bryanboy Loves… and Random Cheesemax

#1 – Bryanboy loves people from Norwood, MA, Chula Vista, CA, Pensacola, FL and early birds from Singapore who surf the net at fucking 2:50AM.

#2 – Bryanboy loves email such as:


Of course Gucci won’t make me happy. What the fuck are you talking about?

I look forward to the day when someone gives me a fucking US$64,000 40cm Hermes black crocodile Birkin bag with pave diamonds. That will definitely fill one big void in my life.

The eternal emptiness that is inside me can go to fucking hell if I can get my hands on that bag.


Mind the gap bitches cause that bag will make me happy happy long time.

#3 – Everyone in the fucking Philippines is gone/leaving! Hannah went to NYC to study, two people I know are in Australia probably parading their bottoms at Palazzo Versace (lucky bitches), one is leaving for Paris this week, a couple are going to Hong Kong in 2 weeks.

And here I am stuck in the fucking third world!

At least there’s something to look forward to this week:  a private dinner party & a Russian-themed birthday party both on Wednesday night… and then the Cosmo bash on Thursday. 

Enough rambling for now. I need to go to bed cause I have to be up by 9AM.

I love you all.



  1. goodness. bryan, have a wig added to your christmas-shopping list…this…this…THiNG will make a good drag queen with one…

  2. That guy is so fucking nasty!
    God, it says he’s an optician, with an eye like that! Maybe he can get you a hookup on sunglasses.

  3. well no matter how late i stay out, i’ll always find the strength to go online for awhile to check up on things. people like to read before they go to bed, and unfortunately for me my book takes about 5 minutes to start up and connect to the internet. ah technology. SINGAPOREANS~!

  4. Ahhhh, my eyes!!! Did you have to make the picture of your stalker so big? Horrific!
    I’m so sorry, dear…but remember, anybody who’s ever anybody has a stalker at one point or another.

  5. that early bird online in spore at 2;50 am checking out your badass site would be me! haueihraueihaiuehiure! cause i Just lovvvveee you BryanBoy. Maybe I should start stalking you,too.. or am I already?! Wow. Im confused! But soon you should be getting earlybirds from Seattle cause im leavin! hooohoooo

  6. god, rocky is HOT HOT HOT
    send my regards to him, i saw him while he was in singapore earlier this year for the singapore fashion festival. *blushes*

  7. Wow, looks like either a glass eye or a lazy eyes your stalker is rockin’ there. Which makes me wonder: Does Chanel sell eyepatches?

  8. Please tell us if Mr. Gay U.K. ever trys to contact you again! I would love to hear what he has to say about your post.

  9. Hey. About the stalker. Take what you can get honey. Because you’re an ugly freak. I’m 33, out of the closet, an American, and have plenty of money you plastic toothpick sick fucker.

  10. You Know I'm Fucking Right

    Tom MUFF – You’re sooooo jealous! Your blog SUCKS and you know it!!!
    Bryanboy is fresh and fabulous, while you drone on about meat, produce and your FAT ass…
    “So Roger wants pot roast and what Roger wants I make for him since he spoils the hell out of me. So I had to go get bell peppers, onions, celery, and potatoes. Naturally my stuck up American ass went over to the prewashed and sliced/diced veggies. Presliced onion, baby carrots, and mixed sliced bell peppers. Only to get home and realise that my stupid trick ass forgot celery like a bitch. So I then took my gluttonous ass to the BK drive thru and got a Whopper with dick cheese, Whopper JR W/cheese, and fries and a coke.”
    Yeah. That’s SO HOT, alright.
    I’m an American and you sicken me and so does your jiz of a blog.
    Game over. Bryanboy wins. You lose sucker.

  11. DUH everyone knows money can’t buy happiness itself… but it sure does buy the thing that make one happy, eh??

  12. Heh, I love how Tom sees being American as a selling point. I would have thought it simply increased his chances of being a loud-mouth wobbly creature.
    Rob (Bryan’s stalker from a while back :) )

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