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Change of Address

Hola mi amigas! Be sure to use www.bryanboy.com instead of http://bryanboy.typepad.com. Update your blogs and bookmarks with my domain name instead the typepad address. I’ve been thinking of moving to another server soon because of the bandwidth usage with typepad and all that geeky crap.

Time to purge, liposuck, diuretics and… ex-lax

That’s right my dear girls. After this photo (and this is an old size 38 Dior t-shirt), I realized I need to watch out my eating habits again because I look like I’ve got Tara Reid’s tits on my stomach. No kidding mates – if I keep on eating the way I’ve been eating the past month or two, it won’t be long until I give birth to a bouncing baby boy.

I know I’m not looking my best but heck, that’s the entire point of it. Hah bloody hah.

Flabbytummy

Have you guys even been to the satirical malepregnancy.com website? Trust me, I DO NOT want to be THAT. Think of it – bulging tummy, lactacting breasts, nipples as big as a pregnant dog’s milk udders.

Malepregnancy

Can you imagine? Me? A mother? I’m not a mysogynist (otherwise, I’d be hating myself), but, no thanks sweethearts, I’ll leave the gift of motherhood to that of the gullible high school teenage girl kind with boyfriends who are allergic to condoms.

The Quest for Healthcare

I admit. It’s been quite a while since I catched up on my healthcare. I can’t even remember the last time I’ve checked-in for manicures, pedicures, massage, my glycopeel cleaning/facial, etc. I haven’t even seen my shrink in AGES! I only have half a rivotril pill and 5 seroxat pills left. I’ve completely ran out of xanax. The next time I get a panic attack, I might just fucking get my driver to drive me up to the slums and get fuckin marijuana to calm me down.

That’s one thing I hate about this fucking country. Illegal substances are easier to get than fuckin prescription drugs.

There are about 5 drugstores within my residential perimeter (excluding the one where I’ll never show my face again) and all of them are usually sold out of rivotril and xanax. However, everything else that can put you to jail for life is just a phone call away.

Hypothetically, of course.

In any case, I’m hereby dedicating this Saturday solely for the purpose of healthcare. Eunice sweetie (my maid/super gal) will you please take care of all my appointments please? Thank you…

I’m going out to Gian’s weekly Fluxe-it! party on Thursdays (11PM onwards, Manila DJ Club, The Fort) this Thursday (duh) and that’s the end of my social calendar as far as this week is concerned.

Someone Make Me Gay Please?

I was cleaning out my sony memory stick/schlong earlier and found these 3 pics from the past weekend. Oh dear. Hannah amiga are you on a mission? We should cease and desist being photographed like this otherwise I wouldn’t be getting any cocks!

Hannah

Change is possible my fucking arse.

I’d rather go to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting than go to an Ex-Gay convention where everyone probably supresses their hard-ons at the sight of members of the MAN-ure kind.

Exgays

Can you imagine me at a room full of men, all claiming they’re ex-gays? Ugh. The fun and circus of it all. Like what that billboard says, tolerance for all my love ones, tolerance for all.

65guy Ugh, I even have this thing for straight porn. Oh yes… and oh no, I don’t wank off to it. Eeew. I just watch it for pure entertainment. Want to know my favourite adult movie ever? The one movie that I can just sit down on the couch and feast on a bucket of KFC fried chicken and extra large tubs of gravy for hours?

(Someone hand me a xanax NOW!)

65 Guy Creampie
starring Ariana Jollee (yes, she’s even on Wikipedia!)

Read this article (yes, an article). You can even see candid shots etc. Just imagine getting your bung hole filled with spunk of 65 Czech guys all in one day.

65guycreampie

No Bangkok sucky sucky 5 dolla hooker can even do that I promise you.

It’s pure entertainment. You know when teenage girls flip over issues of magazines and think "Damn, I wish I was that skinny. I wish I was that pretty. I wish I was that good-looking."

Well fuck you all.

Whenever I see this film I think…

"Damn, I wish I was that chick."
"I wish I was the one getting filled up"
"I wish it was my hole getting banged"

"Is there an operation where my hymen can be repaired?"

Vaginal wash anyone?

Bryanboy Loves…and Random Cheesemax

Big kisses from me to you, especially to people from Sydney, Australia, people from Las Vegas, people from San Francisco, people from Dortmund, Germany and finally, people from Lund, Sweden.

My old Yves Saint Laurent aviators with the white edge is officially lost (and this applies to all of my other lost sunglasses and phones). May the new owner(s) enjoy its royal fabulousity. I also broke my Valentino flower resin cuff bracelet. One of its petals got chipped off. May you rest in peace in the deepest, darkest corners of my accessory archives.

I have a question for someone who knows who he is: Are you still alive? Where are you when I need you?

Send me your love, as always, bryanboy@gmail.com.

P.S. What’s the D-word? D is for Dior. D is for Donatella post-rehab. D is for Dr. Phil.

P.P.S.S. Stop searching google for bryanboy dammit. www.bryanboy.com is the place to see me.

Baboosh.

For Now.