Gag Reflex vs Gag Orders

As someone who has dealt with enough species of the male human kind, let me tell you upfront that the only thing worse than a blowjob gag reflex is a self-issued gag order.

Not too long ago, I remember being asked this (ok, perhaps not with the same verbiage) question several times:

“Do you ever feel pressure that you have to satisfy your readers with content?”

I’ve always been consistent with my answer.

NO, I’ve never felt any pressure from anyone or any outside forces of nature whatsoever. My blog has always been some sort of a sperm/blood bank of my personal purges – I flush whatever it is that I see/feel during a certain time.

I don’t give a flying fuckahontas about what people think. Some people (thank god) get “it”, whatever it is… and some people don’t.

It’s my little corner of the world wide web and it’s all about me – me, me and me.

Let’s face it, why the heck would I even attempt to satisfy readers when my short-term priority is to satisfy myself first amongst others, make myself happy and live how I want to live?

Perhaps I should state the unobvious: I do, to an extent, get a certain amount of personal satisfaction when I “unknowingly”, without any effort on my part, make other people happy – in other words, I just do what I want to do, say what I say, like it has always been, and whenever there are people coming up to me, telling me that I make them happy, I’m happy.

One loyal reader even pointed out, in person (oh yes), that the best thing she likes about me is the fact that I don’t do bullshit. I’m just “out there”, pouring out whatever it is I want to pour out.

Fuck what everyone else thinks.

Ah, the mantra we all would like to live by. You’ll probably get that ‘impression’ the first time you see me. I think this is how I’ve lived after all these years. Without that lucky phrase, god knows how I’ll survive in a country whose society lives by the “This is How We Do Things Handbook of Life”.

Over the weekend, I opened up to a couple of friends on how things are taking a turn recently.

A person can only take so much flak before he/she reaches a breaking point.

I think I’ve reached that point already.

After seeing/hearing negativity, I couldn’t help being affected by such crap.

I genuinely admire those, who over time, develop some sort of a ‘numbing shield’ to such negativity. I’ve had that numbing shield for years but like what I said, it does break down at one point.

I know there is no way we can please everyone. Oh yes. It’s just impossible. Besides, why should anyone try to please everyone.

But then again, for some strange reason, I have this little (fuck yeah), little teeny voice hiding inside my esophagus that screams ala Ashlee Simpson that says that I don’t want to offend anyone either.

Acid reflux anyone?

One friend said that instead of being affected by crap, you use that negativity away and let it inspire you to do things better.

But doesn’t that translate that you have to change yourself?

Doesn’t it mean that you’re giving up a certain part of yourself/your personality just to satisfy others?

Bottom line: doesn’t it mean that you eventually DID get affected by such negativity?

Another friend said that I should just plain blank ignore the crap and just do things MY WAY. How I should never, ever, ever change myself despite anything.

That’s the sort of answer that I have in my head. And that’s what I’m more inclined to do.

There are just so many things I’d like to whine and write about but my self-issued gag order prohibits me from blowing the whistle and sing Scooby-scooby-doo-where-are-you?

Enough rambling. I think we’re going in circles. I can’t even say what I want to say in an eloquent manner.

I’d love to hear what you think. Feel free to post comments or as always, email bryanboy@gmail.com. If you really, really love me, send me an SMS message: +63-915-785-1492.

To be honest, I think I’d rather settle for the lesser evil. I’ll suck a cock instead of giving myself a gag order. Any offers?

Baboosh!