Palpitations, Carbs, The Story of Cialis and Chica!

Written By bryanboy

Typical Sunday late nighter here. I’m bored and I’ve got nothing to do. Blondes such as myself have to use moments of loneliness to exercise our intellect. Thought I’d create some friction using my mere 2 brain cells and purge whatever is left in my head.

Bryanboy loves TheBosh. Read my interview here.

I also created a MySpace profile after being bombarded with requests. Add me if you love me. www.myspace.com/bryanboy.

(BRB – I gotta take a poo)

Back. Not a lot in there.

Say hi to my friends at the LunchBox. Apparently, I’m the talk of the town where people with eating disorders gather around in a circle and purge their soggy biscuits in a synchronized orgy. Some bimbo pretended to buy an LV bag and used my photos on there. One of the members had impressive 007 skills and found her way to my blog. Hilarious.

Click here for the discussion thread. Registration required to read the spectacle. I love fat fans. These bitches are lucky. For years I’ve *forced* myself to develop an eating disorder but I simply can’t resist food. One day when I lose my anorexic-wannabe figure, you’ll find me in that place.

Thought I’d mention, my fat ass just finished an entire bowl of microwaved pasta and a can of coke. Insomniac/drug addict food. I really should switch to rabbit food soon. Less calories, less trips to the magic white bowl that flushes.

I’m off to see my doctor later this morning. I stopped taking my bronchitis meds cause they gave me palpitations. Even 2 grams of cocaine don’t do me shit as far as I remember. But these meds, I’m telling you, it feels like as if I’ve got some tribal drumbeaters shoved deep in my chest.

I haven’t stopped smoking. I’ve cut back though. Down to half a pack per day. Except on weekends. Hah. In fact, I haven’t smoked a cigarette from 2PM on Saturday until I got up yesterday.

Ashtray

Speaking of vices, I thought I’d share an old story from the Bryanboy Life Archives. I still haven’t disposed these cock drugs so if you know anyone whose got a problem getting their pecker up, let me know.

A few months ago, while hopping from one drugstore to another to get Seroxat & Xanax to no avail (it’s pretty much out of stock everywhere. too many insane people in this city I guess), I came across a newly-opened pharmacy in town who was willing to dispense pretty much anything they have – I was able to get a month’s supply of Seroxat without prescription despite leaving mine at home. All it took was me filling out this form asking for my shrink’s name, phone number and hospital. I happily obliged.

Once I had my insanity pills in my hand, I suddenly got an orgasm: my pill-buying experience was effortless! If you do the math correctly, why not, you know, buy other pills… I then had a *good* panic attack. Ok. Which ones should I buy?

I quickly channeled my inner Pete Doherty-slash-Internet Geek and immediately thought of the tens thousands of spam I get in my email accounts on a daily basis. I mean, surely if they promote it by spam, it must be good — too good to be true.

Simplemeds

It took me about a minute to think of what I’m gonna get. Being the novice at prescriptions, trust me darling, I’ve only done streetwear for years, I somewhat had a hard time calculating — don’t blame me, I only have 2 brain cells.

Ambien? sleeping aid. No.
Phentermine? diet pills. No.
Oxycontin? narcotics anonymous pain killers. No.
Viagra? cock drug. I still have the libido of a 16 year old, thank you very much. But still, I’m a botom bitch, so even if I had a 26-inch hard, throbbing cock, it would be useless cause I take it up the shithole. Well, after my SSRIs, that’s a different story, anyway, so, no, mot definitely Not.

And then it suddenly occured to me — Cialis.

That’s right. What the hell is Cialis? I mean,

it starts with the letter C, like Chanel, so

surely it can’t be that bad, right?

Cockdrugs

I sashayed my way back to the counter, flashing the counter girl with my biggest smile, giving her high voltage "I always get what I want" attitude and told her I want 10 pills of Cialis.

That’s right. 10 pills. Surely it can’t be that bad and I could easily dispose it if I didn’t want it in the first place.

A couple of seconds later, she came back with 8 pills. Unfortunately they were out of stock. I paid her in cash, about US$110 for all 8 pills.

Like a fashion victim coming out of an

Hermes store, I quickly opened one of

the boxes when I got inside the car and

then reality hit me. Not in my buttocks.

But in my balls.

One look at the insert and at the back of the box and it said "Indication: Treatment of Erectile Dysfunction".

My god — I bet everyone at the pharmacy were laughing their asses off as soon as I got out of the store.

I swear to god, never again I’ll go to that pharmacy. I don’t have the face to show after this whole hoola baloo.

And never again I’ll touch prescription. Like what I said before, sober is the best way to go.

And vodka red bulls.

Memories eh? They’re nice to have.

Lesson learned: don’t buy drugs if you don’t

know what they are.

I had to learn it the hard blonde way.

So again, if you know anyone who needs this cock drug, let me know. 

BTW, here are more pics of my new Balenciaga bag as requested by one of my readers. I added a watermark so those bitches can’t use pics and pretend they bought shit. As my friend Gian said, we can smell poverty from afar.

Balenciaga_bag

Balenciaga_details

BooyahEnjoy! I’ll use my bag later when I go to my pulmonologist.

P.S. Infatuation should be removed in the dictionary. You’re in, you’re fat, you’re uation, which is a shortcut for ovulation. In other words, infatuation SUCKS.

P.P.S.S. I like you. No matter what they say.

P.P.P.S.S.S. Speaking of like, when are you getting me a 26-karat ring ala Paris Squared? It doesn’t have to be a diamond you know, you can start with Cubic Zirconia. That’s fine coz we all know diamonds don’t last forever. CZs on the other hand lasts as long as we both enjoy. At least they’re disposable. You know who you are.

P.P.P.P.S.S.S.S. For the love of god already, please email me and tell me you love me. bryanboy@gmail.com. Text messages/SMS can be sent to +63-915-785-1492.

22 Comments

  1. Learning it the hard way – made me giggle. I want to spank you with that bag. Come over and smoke a joint.
    xo, m.

  2. Love the bag. Still not clear on how you wound up with Cialis, not knowing what it was. What has an SSRI revealed about your ability to bottom? I am a little infatuated, but frankly I feel extremely guilty about it. ;)

  3. i used to hoard Phentermines :p i can imagine your mobile being bombarded with lotsa messages come tomorrow night. ‘ta! ;-*

  4. You didn’t know what Cialis was? It’s marketed very heavily here in the mass media, for some reason; the newspapers seem to think that advertising Viagra is distasteful, but advertising Cialis is perfectly acceptable, for some reason. In related news, a pharmacist on Dublin’s main street is now selling penis enlargement pills. An actual brick-and-mortar pharmacy. I thought this was very funny; they seem to have escaped from spam email

  5. Verita

    Your interview disgusted me. I cannot believe how fucking arrogant you sound, espcially coming from a place like Manila, and seeing all the starcing children and poverty at its finnest form. I like spending money and I enjoy the fruits of my dad’s labour, but I still buy things from Penshoppe and Bench and other local brands. Fuck you for saying “when I got
    older, I realized, fuck, these things are like sooo ghetto. I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing em” about local brands in the Phils. You, being into fashion and shit, should learn to respect brands, especially local brands. I want to trap you in a tiny cell, feed you shit so you know how starving people feel, and force you to do charity work in the poorest places around the world. Myabe then you’ll learn a bit of humility in your closed minded brain. Now here’s 50 pesos, go buy a shirt from Bench, Manong Bryan.


  6. Verita: obviously this blog and everything else related to it ain’t for you. You take everything far too seriously and can’t see the humor and the sarcasm. I still, to this day, believe it or not, buy underwear from Bench, but I would certainly won’t get caught dead wearing a shirt. I do respect local brands and the local industry – some of my acquaintances are young designers and I *fully* support them whenever I can.
    Darling I ain’t got a brain. I only got 2 brain cells and that’s about it. It’s up to you to make something out of it. Now go lick my lipstick you fuckin cunt.
    Sarah: Loves it the link. Hah. I’ll post something about it tomorrow. LOL.
    Rob my dear: No. I swear to my grandmother’s grave I had NO idea what Cialis was.
    Phoebe: No more diet pills for me. I’ve quit on Reductil. Palpitations galore! It was as bad as Ionamin. These things should be banned. LOL

  7. swoosh manny

    You mentioned about Linda did awful job for Dior haute couture fashion show, and you suggested that she should sit on wheelchair. Check Italian Vogue july 2005. She modeled in a wheelchair! Check it out! She looked lovely in wheelchair.

  8. Not feeling the bag at all. But I’m sure it will look better once you’re carrying it on your lovely arm. Rock that Balenciaga. And of course we all love you. Even the jealous bitches.

  9. i never put pictures of myself on my website. it’s just creepy to me that some random person who stumbles across my site could be masturbating to a picture of me at the beach or something. okay, it could be highly flattering as well. but you get the idea that there’s identity thieves and etc out there.

  10. Veritas: burn in hell you sorry cunt
    People who REALLY do charity work do NOT brag about it and do NOT pretend to know how it is to have problems and do NOT tell those that don’t do charity work that they should.
    That is a FACT.
    Hence, you are just one more pathetic fake.
    Bryanboy’s blog addresses so many more issues, undercover of total superficiality, than you ever will with your neo-colonialist politically correct concern for the masses that just reeks of a wannabe Lady Di.
    Bryan’s blog is about being insane, having too much money, having a body in an age where you can do whatever you want to it, being a boy, being a girl, being both, being in the third world, lovesing it, hatesing it, being brown, being cool, being a mess, being vulgar, being adored, being hated…
    Bryan is one deep bitch who takes it up the a-hole which you obviously should do as well to be less of a cunt and more of a human being.
    (I love you, Bryan)

  11. Wow, a pill that you put in your balls?! I’m trying to imagine how one would do that – it’s just not coming to me…

  12. Verita

    Ok, you’ve said your peace happy boy, now listen up, *fully* supporting local designers is not reffering to the local brands they design for as “like sooo ghetto. I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing em”. Oh wow, so am I supposed to bow down to you because you “buy underwear from Bench”? Don’t contradict yourself. Sarcasm is the lowest form of humour btw. You talk so much shit about Manila, do you know the people who read your blog are from around the world. So much for *fully* supporting. Now, why don’t you suck off your own lipstick you fucking cunt.

  13. I hope the person who you have an infatuation with is severely hurt, so that you may never feel happiness ever again.
    I also hope that if the person isn’t severely hurt, that he hurts you for being such a superficial prick.
    How do you sleep at night? I hope your family bankrupts; then you’ll be miserable, unhappy, depressed (even MORE so, you whiny little bitch), and worst of all — BROKE.
    Fuck you, on behalf of everyone in the world who are miles ahead of your moronic ways.
    Aston F.
    Forble1111@hotmail.com

  14. Verita

    Hey le serpent. That was really sweet of you to stand up for Bryanboy! I just wanted to express the fact that happyboy here is a dick who should learn some humility and who should’nt talk shit about local brands, especially because he’s so into fashion, and the fact that he said that he fully supports it then talks shit about it. And that whole talk about charity work, I think you should read my comment again, because you obviously do not understand it, but that’s ok, I forgive you!
    -Truth
    ps. oh, and the only time that Brian is a Bryan is “deep” is when he fucks someone up the ass. If you know what deep is, you wouldnt call his blog deep.

  15. Sure you didn’t ;) So did you try it then? :D
    I’m surprised they sold it to you without prescription; it’s extremely dangerous if taken by people with certain existing problems.

  16. Hey Bryan I think you’re awesome! Ever since my sister emailed me a link to your blog a few weeks ago, your site’s been one of the best things to look forward to looking at online everyday. If I hadn’t moved away from the Philippines when I was five I would totally want to hang out with you. Alas, I’m all the way in Los Angeles.
    Screw what any of the haters who leave you bad comments say, I think you’re great!

  17. dominic sio

    wow..its like a Peta & Revillion war in here.
    Should people be punished because they wore Sehnelle and D’or? Le Serpent said it all..Chill Verita..Never take things too seriously….

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