RA RA RASPUTIN Lover of Bryan da Kween, Why Bryanboy is a GOOD travel buddy, Safe Sex, Love makes the world go round

Written By bryanboy

Ra Ra Rasputin Lover of Bryan da Kween

Moscow, Russia, here we go!

Moscow

1115meoutsidestbasils2

I’ve booked my plane tickets from Hong Kong to Moscow, roundtrip, business class (they don’t have first class on the plane). Apparently it’s only US$1,849 return with American Express. It’s soo cheap and it’s about the same price as the Dior boots I’ve been salivating on.

Moscowitinerary

I figured this time I’ll stop at Hong Kong again to do some last minute major winter wonderland wardrobe shopping: – must visit Cavalli. Must visit the soon-to-open Harvey Nichols Hong Kong. Must visit Etro. Must visit Dior. Must visit Valentino. Must visit Fendi. Must visit I-T. Must visit IFC mall. Must visit Landmark. Ugh. Names, names, names, labels, labels, labels. My head is spinning thinking about the opportunities. I’m a fashion victim, label junkie and a lunatic.

Someone please hand me my xanax before I burst into flames.

Speaking of Russia, gone are the days where my tight Asian hoover vaccuum hole gets filled with Aryan sperm cells enough to lift off a thousand mixed raced cosmonauts into outer space, no matter how good, warm, moist, wet, mushy it feels inside.

After my HIV scare (click here to read more about it) and surviving it STD-free and HIV-negative, I promise this time I won’t have unsafe sex with the Russians. The 3-4 month waiting period was the worst mind fuck I ever had.

But then again, to think about it, I ended up being negative.

I should’ve enjoyed the moment and get fucked by as much as I can.

*kidding* Hahahahahaha!

Why I’m a Fantastic Travel Buddy

So what are you waiting for? I can be a good travel buddy. Here are the reasons why I’m the best travel buddy. Expect fun, expect the unexpected. Just don’t expect Claire Daines being arrested for drug possession in Bangkok like in the movies. I’m not one of those Euro Trash Bohemian Junkies who will tell you to carry their bag for them when in reality it’s filled with kilos of heroin.

* I won’t be selfish when it comes to bathroom sink space
* I won’t bring excessive amounts of luggage
* I promise to keep my luggage under the 150 kilo mark, which is roughly about 230 pounds
* I never take any illegal substances with me
* I won’t argue with you when it comes to the remote control
* I won’t induce pillow fights
* I won’t let you stay awake when I couldn’t sleep
* I won’t wake you up when I get up earlier than you
* I won’t invite boys back to our room without your permission.
* I won’t come home 5AM drunk, drugged, fucked or drugfucked
* I promise to only limit myself to 2 hours in "getting ready" to go out (which usually takes me 3-4 hours minimum)
* I’ll let you shower first I won’t sing in the shower
* I won’t touch any of your toiletries or your makeup
* I usually treat people with alcohol at bars/clubs when I’m drunk
* I’m not a thieving bitch. That’s because I probably have more spending power than you.
* I’m nice and sweet. I’m not an asshole, no matter whatever you heard/read from the rumor mill

Kissit

That’s a lot of effort on my part already. Oi!

Safe Sex Only Kids…

Seriously kids, stick with the condoms, the dental dams, the vagina condoms, the spermicide and everything. Just play it safe kiddies so you won’t catch anything. What would everyone think if you die from an STD? That you were a careless slut? Just imagine the backtalk going on while your coffin is being buried 6 feet under the ground.

"Oh I can’t believe he was such a dirty sex slut."

Which I’m not.

1294765 I haven’t had sex in like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 months?

Heck, the next time I have sex, I’l even bring a magnifying glass and a flashlight with me and hell, I’ll do a CSI-type search on someone’s crotch to see if there are any infestations of crabs, syphillis and herpes before I even do the bad deed.

I don’t want to be like Katie Holmes.

Not even the thickest concealer, Dermablend, can hide facial volcanoes eruptus such as THAT.

And then there’s UNWANTED pregnancy. Screw having a sexually-transmitted disease. Let’s say you’re both clean. But, but, but, but, what if you ended up having an unwanted spawn? Think of the stretch marks you’ll get! A couple of stretch marks are already bad enough (trust me, I know), but an entire tummy full of it — there goes the slinky Eres bathing suits you’ve been lusting for….

Bryanboy Loves…

Loves make the world go round. And there’s no other way to spread the love by sending it to my email account, bryanboy@gmail.com or making comments on my blog.

The London Pop Trash Kid sent me a really fantastic photoshop gift via MSN Messenger. Enjoy!

Usweekly_2

A reader from one of the world’s best cities sent me a nice little online Hallmark card. How sweet of you, thank you, thank you, thank you very much from the narcotics-filled upper arteries of my heart.

Hallmarkcard 

Now that I know where you work for, do you have gorgeous, hot, fit, tall-ish but not that tall, investment bankers or analyst officemates, in nice black suits, earning $250,000 or more per year? Let me know and I’ll give them a good pipe cleaning for free.

Bryanboy loves TR3NT of PinkistheNewBlog. Yes, yes, he ran out of TR3NT stickers but to hail his highness, I had to copy/paste a trent thingie majigie on my graphics program.

Bryanboy also loves people from Anchorage, Alaska (I don’t know the state abbreviation), people from Osaka, Japan, people from Finland, people from McKinney-Silver and people who use Sympatico as their ISP in Canada.

Identify yourselves you cockroaches by posting a comment or emailing me.

As always minions, you know where to contact me. bryanboy@gmail.com.

I’m gonna take my poop now. Call of nature babes.

It’s this 1 thing that’s got me trippin
It’s this 1 thing that’s got me trippin

Baboosh!

20 Comments

  1. Stanley

    I use Sympatico as my ISP… in Canada.
    ;)
    Love you to bits. But not actual love, I’m no stalker.

  2. Etro? Is it this (http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2568) Etro? Are you required to don a beard on entering the shop? :)
    It’s rather ironic that Aeroflot even have business class, really… let alone Boeings. They should be using Tupolevs!
    Forgive me, my blog died of a DNS error, so I feel compelled to babble on on other peoples’
    Rob

  3. On a need to know basis...

    What’s up with the trip to Russia? Are the navy men requiring your services? Is that why you went last time? I’m so confused!

  4. On a need to know basis...

    P.s., Is “Rob” a stalker?!? It seems like he’s always posting…Hummm…

  5. I think Moscow is one of the most mysterious cities of the world. The people are some of the friendliest and sometimes, I’m the only “exotic” person there, hence elliciting curiosity and chat etc amongst locals. I love attention! :)

  6. Bryan, love ya! And I love 1 Thing by Amerie (not with eve in it though, the album version). Must go listen to it now.

  7. you would die a thousand deaths over the stretchmarks my belly and hips house. You sounds like a great travel buddy and might be able to save me from being a dowdy fashion victim

  8. When are you stopping over Japan?? SHOPPING+clubbing+more shopping=book a flight quick darling!
    Have a tres fab trip *kisses*

  9. OMG! I had no idea about Katie! I wonder if Tom knows about that… no matter.. that won’t last anyway.

  10. OMG! I had no idea about Katie! I wonder if Tom knows about that… no matter.. that won’t last anyway.

  11. OMG! I had no idea about Katie! I wonder if Tom knows about that… no matter.. that won’t last anyway.

  12. OMG! I had no idea about Katie! I wonder if Tom knows about that… no matter.. that won’t last anyway.

  13. esni_7

    Russia does sound interesting and tonnes of fun if you know people from there…. how’s the nightlife there??? And probably lots of beautiful people (esp. those with jet black hair and icy blue eyes- loves the combination!!!) Wish I could travel with you but I’ve got gazillion things coming up.

  14. We’re vastly different, but your blog cracks me up. You’re just postmodern as fuckall, and cute, too.

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