Invasion of the Illiterate – I need a Publisher Pronto.

Written By bryanboy

Some early morning babble here. I’m having another costochondritis attack and my ribs are aching – there’s no better way to wait for the xanax to kick such as posting here.

If I’m not mistaken, sending unsolicited faxes, like spam, to random fax numbers/companies is illegal in the USA.

But I’m in the third world so that gives me

international & diplomatic immunity.

So here’s what I did earlier.

I searched on goodolgoogle for some random fax numbers of some publishers and literary agents – Simon & Schuster, IMG (yes, they do literary arts too, but heck, I want to be a superdupersuperdupersupermodel), Time Warner, Random House, etc. Once I had that list, I blasted their faxes with a simple, 1-page fax. Here’s a copy of the PDF file that I faxed and here’s a little graphic of what the fax looked like.


Seriously, I think it would be a fantastic thing for me to have my own coffee table book with all my pictures on it and my tales and my squabbles. It would be a very nice thing to have on each and every table or desk in the whole wide world. Your visiting guests will love you better than the stack of JC Penney or Victoria’s Secret catalog or whatever that you’ve got under your sofa.

Anyway, I could’ve selected a better-looking picture of me but I decided to be sedated. I mean, fuck it – it was around 4:30AM when I did the thing. Besides, I don’t want them to have some culture shock.

Hopefully by tomorrow, the lucky recipients of

my magic fax (otherwise known as gossipping

watercooler receptiobitches) will pass along my

domain name thru intraoffice gossip, post-it notes,

word of mouth etc.

Who knows, I might be set for global domination – KNOCK KNOCK CLICHE – a coffee table book, a clothing line, fragrance and then hollywood!

All it requires is a thick face darling. And there’s no other face thicker in this planet than mine.


  1. Haha! Hope you get your book deal — I’d buy it for one! God knows I <3 your blog, lol

  2. I meant “your” not “you”. Sorry.
    PS: I would buy wour book if you wrote one as long as it had pictures. And as long as it was sold in Canada(which is basicly a Third-World country just like Philipenis{where you live} except with less starvation).

  3. To Anyone from Random House Publ., Time Warner etc.: DO GIVE HIM A DEAL, we all love him!! Or at least something at vogue, w, vanity fair, a spread or something!!! (ps: what about Taschen Publ. – that’d be nice!):D

  4. Did you send to Judith Regan? She is all bout you. She did that Jenna Jameson book and lotsa other trashy stuff .

  5. No, no reality show for me. I want a coffee table book dedicated entirely to me and just me, me, me

  6. Delilah Valentine

    Bryan, you get your fucking book deal. I will be sure to support you and buy your fucking book. I’m sure it will be great, as I love the trashy shit. Jenna Jameson’s book is a favorite, so make sure your shit is trashier than that. I love you Jenna. Kisses from the sexy bitches, momma! Anyway keep up your blog Bryan. Always entertained.
    Just Keepin’ It Real,
    Delilah Valentine

  7. I did ask you before if you’d work for Conde Nast. You never replied.

  8. Just stumbled across your site and am loving it. Love your style, clothes, musings.. that’s hot. Hope you get your deal! *muah*

  9. oh my. Your blog is utterly interesting! I love your bags! *do donate to HISF* Help Irene Shop Foundation. mwahuiehrauieaeirheriu! oh well, I love ur blog and pictures, do post often! I will be back!

  10. I’m loving everything Bryan! ^_^ .even got thje idea for the title of my blog from your blog…
    I’m a certified fan!!! ^_^

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