It's the best week ever! I'll let you in on a little secret.

Written By bryanboy

It’s the best week ever ever ever ever ever ever everrrrrrrrrr!

My supercalifragisocialclimbing skills have paid off and I made my first step in mainstream youth, or should I say, stale20and30somethings culture: exposure at VH1. That’s right. I’ve got a little exposure at VH1’s Best Week Ever’s blog. Remember me, remember them, put em together, remember when!


Moving on, I thought I’d let you in on a little secret. I already shared this secret with some of my British fans on a different website but since you guys are more special and cultured compared to them (they’re all provincial British people who live in farms. trust me).

Anyway, on Saturday, my sisters and I had our weekly manicures, pedicures and back massages done at our local Tips & Toes Nail Bar.


I had a small discussion with them (plus a couple of my friends on the mobile phone) and I discovered that (in addition with 5 other people I know)

I’m not the only one who usually squats

on top of the toilet bowl to take a poop.

That’s right. When the dumping gets tough, the tough squats on top of the toilet bowl to take a poop. You know — I squat on top of the toilet bowl, like standing on it, feet on the rim and then squatting over the bowl, my arse delicately suspended in the air, I drop drop drop drop em like crazy.

Sitting down doesn’t work for me unless I’ve got diarrhea.

Apparently I’m not the only one who has this weird habit. There are 5 people I know locally. In fact, if I’m not mistaken, there are 1 or 2 of British gay boys who do this too, according to some of the responses I got in that forum.


Don’t get me wrong though. We, citizens of the Filipino kind, have the same kind of toilets Americans have. Except some of us have bidets etc. It’s not as if we have one of those "elephant-foot toilets" in Greece that I saw on TV or those "hole in the ground" things they have in Indonesia when I visited a friend’s house in Bali.


But yeah, in all seriousness, I like squatting on top of the toilet bowl. The entire pooping experience is effortless. You just squat there and off you abort the kids into the fishbowl. The pope will be very proud of you. Heck, even my cousin Donna does it. I think, to my knowledge, we’re the only ones in our clan who does it. Everyone else sits down with their feet on the ground.

Apparently this habit is good for the colon. Like that even matters when your colon gets pushed by several inches of penile meat anyway.

So what about you my darlings? Any other members of the squatting brigade? Go on. Don’t be shy. Admit it. If you haven’t squatted on top of the toilet bowl, give it a try and report your experience back to me. You’ll loves it.

Isn’t it the BEST WEEK EVER?

Remember me, remember them,

put em together, remember when!




  1. Welcome back you dirty ho.
    Dlad you didn’t die of AIDS.
    In Malaysia there is a mix of civilised western bowl affairs and squat like you’re giving birth over a hole in the ground with indented stirrups and push that log out kind.
    I much prefer the former to the latter..

  2. You are simply hilarious!!! I love your blog! Keep it up! (or down, or squat, whatever!)

  3. Hmmm. My completely perfect 7-year-old nephew assumes that same position, and he’s also very sparkly. Wonder if there’s a connection.

  4. A coworker of mine (who is Vietnamse if it matters) squats to poo. Anyhoo, he was on call at the hospital and had to stay in the patient rooms while on duty. He had to poo right at the time that ESPN news was airing. Instead of missing his show, he decided to poop with the bathroom door open where he could view the television. Right at the moment he is squeezing one out, a really hott nurse he had a crush on walked in!!!! As if that wasn’t bad enough, she told everyone at work about it!!! *SHAME*

  5. Hahaha, i didnt know that many other people poo by squatting, i squat myself :)

  6. i used to squat back in the province. we had no toilet so i had to rush to the bush, me perched precariously on a branch as i give away my blessings to mother earth;
    caution- be wary of lurking snakes or pooping humans next to u, just say hi politely

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