This is the Damsel in Distress calling.
After this post, I expect to be sent a couple of thousand well-wishing notes, "hope you feel better soon" emails, and "I hope you die you ditzy, shallow bitch" memos, not to mention a ton of flowers, balloons and fruit baskets — no chocolate please, they’re fattening and they give you pimples.
It’s 3:42AM, got up an hour ago and here I am, sweating like a pig. I think it’s because of my meds. I got really sick Friday night/Saturday morning to the point where I had a doctor come up to see me in my room and inject some meds to make my 103.1 degree Fahrenheit (that’s 39.5 Celsius) go down.
Apparently I’ve got fever, sore throat, dry cough and a chest infection of some sort. The doctor prescribed me some cough syrup (Robitussin-DM), Augmentin, which is an antibiotic, Extra Strength Sinutab, and some paracetamol.
Thanks to my meds, I got diarrhea too.
But you know what, I love diarrhea.
I mean, I love having diarrhea, but I don’t love diarrhea as in I’ve got a liquid poo fetish. There are some sickos out there. You know what I mean.
A couple of years ago, I read somewhere that diarrhea can cause dehydration. Surely dehydration can’t be that bad cause like it drains water from your body, which is a good thing – some people get fat from water retention, right?
If I were to do an equation:
Diarrhea = Dehydration = Loss of Water
Loss of Water = Weight Loss
Weight Loss = Nice thing
I mean, one can never lose too much weight, right? Unless you’re anorexic.
Armed with a couple of paracetamol tablets in my handbag, I went to the Preview Magazine party on Friday night. Yes, with fever. Yes, despite the doctor telling me Friday afternoon that I shouldn’t take alcohol and I shouldn’t smoke. But fuck it, you only live once eh? And you know what they say about bad grass. Bad grass never die.
Tons of people at the Preview party on Friday night even if It rained sooo hard. While most complied to the "Modern Indigenous" dress code, some went way, way, overboard with the theme, especially a ton of faggots who end up looking "Mother Indigenous" instead of "Modern Indigenous".
But yes, I settled for plain black and plain Gucci yesterday in addition to a belt that I bought in the last minute. And boy do I look, well, rather large! If you’re fat in Gucci, you’re fat everywhere else!
So yes – prime proof that you can have fun despite being sick.
I got back at around 5AM on Saturday morning and that’s when the doctor injected me some paracetamol. My fever went down and I went to sleep.
The fun didn’t stop there though.
Despite having fever, hideous clear sunglasses (big mistake — but hey, you learn from mistakes eh?), a bad hair day, I took a quick stroll at the park with my sister and her friends and had lunch at our favourite weekend haunt, M Cafe. We also went to the cinema and I finally saw "Monster-in-Law" starring no other than fat-arsed J.Lo and J. Fo (so that’s the Jane Fonda person.). I love the film. You know how I like chick-flicks… and cute guys in chick-flicks. This Michael Vartan person yeah, I think he’s hot. If you know guys who are like that, please send them my way, thank you.
So here I am, suffering the consequences. I’ll get better though. I know I’ll get better. If I don’t, here’s a note to my lawyers: my clothing collection should be sold at Sotheby’s, my handbag collection goes to my sisters, my internal organs are to be donated to those who need them and please make sure I get a manicure, pedicure and armpit waxing from Tips N’ Toes before I get cremated.
It’s 4:46AM and I’ll go back to bed. Good night.